AIBU- Stuffed Toy in the office.

[2021x]

I work in a newly formed team in an office. We have our team admin who I am going to guess is at least 26-28 y.o. woman.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

Today, however, she started walking around the office with a stuffed toy. She brought the toy-a crocheted horse- into the meetings and had it on her lap, with the head poking onto the table while she was typing, and was hugging it to her body when walking back from meeting rooms like a child and talking to other team members.

She is getting married this year and has said she just wants to elope, as the cost and managing all the preparations are stressful, and she is dreading it because she will be the centre of attention. She is clearly very sensitive and going through a very tough time (none of her family lives here), but AIBU that this is a step too far, or am I just getting a bit too old/grumpy and should mind my own business as she isn't harming anyone?

Have you deliberately missed the point?

I think it’s fair to say that yes she does indeed have mental health issues.

Could it have been a hot water bottle for period pain? If she was holding it to her abdomen

Yeah but @roshi42 why the baby voice if it was for menstrual cramps?

Yes, the job itself makes a difference. But I also think if she has decompensated to this extent, she may need to be off work - from what OP said this is new behaviour and has come on quite suddenly. And as for the feedback - there is a massive difference between sitting around while everyone tells you how crap you are - which would not be acceptable anywhere - and having a silly report which gives you vague generalities . People are bending over backwards to make excuses for her, but the behaviour she is showing is disruptive and outside of the norm for the majority of workplaces. I know a family with an older child and a 5 yr old. The older has struggled since the other child came along, and has now started a new school where she is showing a lot of the same behaviours that OP is reporting this woman is doing. The school are supporting her to stop as it is deemed inappropriate for a child of her age.

I sometimes find labels annoying. But I would not expect to be accommodated if I wanted to work naked.

Nope.

It’s funny because we once had an admin lady (older) who could be quite childish, tantrums, vendettas against people for no reason and she went through a phase of bringing a teddy to work as well - it must be the stress of the role!

she used to make it clothes, show us photos of what he’d done at the weekend and then bringing it in to the office

The sign she’d taken it too far was when she got angry at her (adult) son for not taking it to watch football/rugby at the pub with him and his friends 🙈

This woman is getting married soon. Will she need a bigger cuddly toy or a menagerie to cope with the stress of that!

Honestly, if she's mature enough to form a relationship and plan a wedding, this work thing sounds like a breakdown or attention seeking to me.

JFC - having extremely low expectations and low standards for them doesn't help people with mental illness. Some of the comments on this thread are absolutely batshit, and I'm sure some of you will screech at me for being ableist for saying that, and I don't care. It is mad to suggest a grown woman should be allowed to clutch a cuddly toy when having professional interactions. Just mad.

I agree. She’s either having an episode of poor mental health or attention seeking off the back of the test results.
I have autism and by her age I’d certainly learnt how to behave in a professional manner at work so I’m not convinced this is a ND issue alone. She could be ND but that wouldn’t explain the sudden change in behaviour.
Even if she is struggling with her mental health she would have been better off going to her line manager for support rather than performing like this in front of all of her colleagues. I don’t know, maybe I’m being harsh but it does smack of seeking some sort of attention or validation particularly the baby voice. That would drive me insane.

Exactly.
None of the excuses, screeching "albeist" and trying to shoehorn the equality act into the situation changes the fact that by not addressing her behaviour, the only person being harmed is HER.

She will not progress, if it's a small industry, word will get around and she will not be hired, redundancies? First on the list.

In the real world, people are passed up for promotion etc. for much less than this. If you believe the Equality act will protect her then you are very naive.
It is harder than it used to be to manage someone out who's face doesn't fit, but not impossible.
This isn't some wonderful utopia where people turn a blind eye to ridiculous behaviour in case someone is ND.
It is not doing her any favours at all and she needs to be professional.
If she can't, then realistically she is unlikely to have a future there.

And that’s why you won’t ever make Management. Or decent person status. Good luck to your kids.

"Be Kind"

Or some other platitude that folk like you always come out with before showing who you really are

😘

I had a stuffed toy at work, we called her Margot and she was our mascot. They even put a picture of me and Margot in the staff calendar one year (very outing, if anyone recognises this, hello!)

Funny how Mumsnet operates. I left this thread, walked 3k, caught a bus and travelled another 20k, visited an exhibition, caught another bus, went swimming, went shopping, caught another bus and walked the last 1k home. I put the shopping in the freeze/fridge and Mumsnetters are still debating the Gen Z women and the stuffed horse.

Not typing it all out, but in your comment of 17.48 you are insisting that people’s unexplained coping mechanisms, in whatever form they take, must be accommodated, or the non-accommodator is guilty of bullying.
‘Tis but a small leap from there to my touch of hyperbole!

As a parent of a ND person I know from experience that things that NT people may brush of such as Tuesdays reports can have deep lasting impact.

ND people often have coping mechanisms and processes that enable them to work. This will have knocked her of kilter and effected her grounding and confidence to do anything

The soft toy will be a crutch she needs right now to enable her to be in an environment that feels so alien and unsafe (since Tuesday irrelevant but consequences test)

I didn’t comment at 17:48. You don’t have to type it out, but since copy and paste has existed for a few decades here is what I said:

“Suggesting that someone should be banished to work from home simply because their coping mechanisms or communication traits others find unusual is a form of exclusion and bullying.
This is a really nasty and ableist thread. Most of you sound like vile pack of witches.
I could never imagine being so judgmental and cruel to someone different.”

You’re referring to this comment right?

Notice how “cuddly toys for all” isn’t in there?

Calling out the suggestion to exile a colleague from the office just because her harmless traits make others uncomfortable isn't “advocating for all toys for all”. It's advocating against pushing people out of the workplace for being different.

Your 'touch of hyperbole' is just a straw man because you can't actually defend excluding someone for being different and very likely to be suffering from poor mental health or disability.

Nothing surprises me, I’m a teacher, I’ve had to deal with parents treating their children like kings and expecting the same to be done by professionals and strangers. I’ve stopped bothering to tell them that this is how their child will end up. I worry for the future of humankind.

I’m on your side - it’s bloody weird!

Your only role in this should be to tell management you are concerned about her behaviour and wellbeing.

She's clearly struggling and it's management's job to address.

Frankly, OP doesn’t seem to be coping too well.

Like…kind people? Oh no! People who do their jobs and let others get on with theirs if they do the work? Who don’t feel their ability to meet responsibilities is impacted by a coworker’s choices that have nothing to do with them? Those people?

You know how when men declare that they are "nice guys"?
Yeah, a bit like that.

If you say so.

I’ve been empathising throughout. You’re clearly incapable of understanding anyone’s difficulties. Dress it up in humour and sarcasm all you like.