AIBU- Stuffed Toy in the office.

[2021x]

I work in a newly formed team in an office. We have our team admin who I am going to guess is at least 26-28 y.o. woman.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

Today, however, she started walking around the office with a stuffed toy. She brought the toy-a crocheted horse- into the meetings and had it on her lap, with the head poking onto the table while she was typing, and was hugging it to her body when walking back from meeting rooms like a child and talking to other team members.

She is getting married this year and has said she just wants to elope, as the cost and managing all the preparations are stressful, and she is dreading it because she will be the centre of attention. She is clearly very sensitive and going through a very tough time (none of her family lives here), but AIBU that this is a step too far, or am I just getting a bit too old/grumpy and should mind my own business as she isn't harming anyone?

I invite you to get over that and to just do your own job. If she demands that YOU carry around a stuffy, that might be a problem; this isn’t as long as she achieves what she’s tasked with.

Would it be a problem if this was your surgeon talking to you about your upcoming operation, or your MP talking in parliament etc? Would it cause doubt about their abilities - yup!
It's not professional in most working environments. I'd argue pretty much any working environment really.

Unfortunately Clifton Strengths is just as unscientific. It's hideously expensive which is why it hasn't been tested by independent scientists.

Note that the Wikipedia article has a 'promotional content' flag - have a read of the criticism here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:CliftonStrengths#/notifications

These tests are as meaningless as a horoscope. They don't build teams, they assign individuals random character traits. There is no togetherness, no common goal.

ETA: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers%E2%80%93Briggs_Type_Indicator MB is pseudoscience - it's PRETENDING to be scientific which can be very dangerous (see also vaccines).

Well that's another thought but regardless of whether they are or not, the cuddly toy isn't appropriate. If she can't cope she maybe needs time off or an OH assessment.

Sounds like a transitional object to me.

She also sounds like she could be neurodivergent.

Appearing childlike or having childish interests is quite common in neurodivergent adults and transitional objects can be extremely useful.

Some people may find them weird, my son went through a phase of having an "object of the day" to transition with. Could have been a shoe, coat hanger, toothbrush, the head of a biro pen, or a toy.

The purpose of transitional objects are that they're familiar items that provide predictability in periods of uncertainty.

Frankly the discussion should be around how she is coping and if she is capable of doing the work she's assigned to do, and if any further support can reasonably be offered, not whether or not she can stop carrying around her toy horse which might be one of the tools needed for her to do the job even if everyone else thinks it is a bit strange.

Maybe she already has and her carrying around a soft toy is an adjustment.
OP would not be privy to that sort of information.

Perhaps but it's not an appropriate adjustment for a professional environment and in thd long run will do the person no favours as she'll forever be known as the person who can't cope unless she's cuddling a teddy.

You invite op to get over it 😆. Just how pompous can you get?

Much more than that. Which was simply polite. Perhaps you prefer STFU. Have it your own way.

If it helps to her cope then what is the problem?
That or she gets managed out, and for what reason?

OP’s colleague isn’t an MP or a surgeon. She’s a team administrator within an office environment.

The problem is it's not professional and she's clearly not coping is she.

Cuddly toys are deceptive though, and mere sentimentality is a very big thing.
In the public sector admin offices attached to the cultural institution where I used to work, I recall three desks utterly covered in dozens of little plush animal things, like a grotto housing a computer monitor, jostling for desk space with pictures of children and…puppies. Revolting in the extreme to me but what do I know of these mysteries.
But these three officers were the crack team across those offices, each hard as nails and punctilious to an annoying degree (whenever we wanted grey areas for our own purposes!)
(Id like to have seen one of these alarming women agreeing to baby talk in her vicinity, even from a baby)

Yoiks

Popits and fidgets aren't professional either but a lot of us autistic folk can benefit from having something tactile in our hands, especially when we're delivering presentations or collaborating with other people.

Some people can't get on with them at all but might get on well with something that they're familiar with or have a connection to, like a stuffed horse.

If it has been acknowledged as an adjustment so she can do her job, then what is to be done? OP just wanted to start a thread to pile on to this lady, and it worked.

As usual. It’s so depressing. This lady obviously has a mental health problem and some of the responses have been disgusting.

is a fab short film on YouTube, made by Vanish. It does a fabulous job at demonstrating the importance of a transitional object, in the case of the video a hoodie.

Autistic kids grow into autistic adults who we should be supporting into the workplace.

The OP hasn't disclosed whether the coworker in question is autistic but she may well be. There are bits of the thread that certainly sound like she could be.

The quality of work done should be the important factor here. By all means if the big bosses feel that there's a capability matter that should be addressed, but we aren't entitled to know our colleagues medical history or know how best they cope.

I didn't say anything can be done if it's been given as an adjustment. Doubt it has been though.

But aren’t you the one advocating for cuddly toys for all?
Are there different streams or groups of juvenilia then, classified according to the taste of Cambridge boffins/ the military?

I think the majority of people are very happy to WFH these days. Lessens the stress and expense of commuting and brings a good work life balance. I'd definitely suggest it to her, and find out the reason why she needs a cuddly toy.

It doesn't have to be a punishment, quite the opposite in many cases.

What she is doing and how she is behaving in an office environment is not professional by any standards. So a reasonable adjustment would be arranging for her to WFH surely?

Absolutely!
It seems people with ND/MH issues can't win. Not allowed to be on benefits, but not allowed to show symptoms or use coping mechanisms in the workplace either.
Invisible disabilities must stay invisible at all costs.

Exactly. Hopefully her line manager is providing her with the support she needs in conjunction with HR and OH but it sounds like the rest of the team could do with some training in how to behave in a professional and non-disciplinary way at work if they are as lacking in compassion as the OP

She also sounds like she could be neurodivergent

Everybody is.

No they are not 🙄