AIBU- Stuffed Toy in the office.

[2021x]

I work in a newly formed team in an office. We have our team admin who I am going to guess is at least 26-28 y.o. woman.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

Today, however, she started walking around the office with a stuffed toy. She brought the toy-a crocheted horse- into the meetings and had it on her lap, with the head poking onto the table while she was typing, and was hugging it to her body when walking back from meeting rooms like a child and talking to other team members.

She is getting married this year and has said she just wants to elope, as the cost and managing all the preparations are stressful, and she is dreading it because she will be the centre of attention. She is clearly very sensitive and going through a very tough time (none of her family lives here), but AIBU that this is a step too far, or am I just getting a bit too old/grumpy and should mind my own business as she isn't harming anyone?

Stop it, literally nobody has said that.

You and me have very different ideas of fun 😂😂

Yes I think its weird. But as you can see op do not do anything. You will be accused of bullying.

And coupled with the baby voice, it is significantly weirder than a mug or a photo. And actually rather worrying.

I'd like Boris Johnson's head on a plaque.

She's nearly 30 and it was just some feedback, of the kind meant to be taken as a general stepping-off point for conversation and reflection.
I kind of agree with a pp about resilience.

Christ it must look like a fairground stall! Surely a manager can have a word - its hardly professional is it?

My old boss had a psychology degree and told me to read about transactional analysis- in short when someone takes on the role of the child anyone interacting with them has to be the "parent". It usually stems from trauma (or over bearing parents!) and makes it almost impossible to have adult interactions on an equal level.

not really sure what to suggest but she's probably completely unaware of what she's doing and simply looking for comfort

Obviously I was not there, and do not know this lady, but her behaviour sounds like someone who is ND in some way. The feedback from the exercise may well have triggered her RSD, and her subsequent behaviour is her trying to deal with that on top of the demands of her upcoming wedding etc.

Also Mumsnet: completely fallacious summaries such as that one.

That's not my understanding of TA. Each person has the ego states of child or adult. The best interactions are adult to adult. But the child come into play sometimes too.

very odd behaviour for the workplace and not someone I would have much faith in doing a decent job.

The entire office might quickly get pissed off if she gets preferential treatment. Then the shit will hit the fan when they all come in with their support cuddly animals, like a furry zoo in the office block. I mean what could a manager do if everyone does it?

No pasaran. Sit with your toy pet on your breaks only.

What difference would it actually make if everyone who wanted to bring one in did?

Seriously? An entire office looking like a toddler’s playgroup and you ask what difference it would make? 😆

No-one’s saying indulge it. They’re asking for basic empathy. Most agree the management and HR need to take this in hand. It’s not down to the team. But the ignorant comments show a distinct lack of empathy for either a regressing neurodiverse person or someone with a personality disorder. Either require prompt action without judgement.

what a grossly ableist comment.

Reading this it sounds awkward, but maybe a cry for help. RSD? I don’t know much about this as I’ve only just started looking at it, but it seems like the toy and the voices are a way to put up a defense but also ask for help. I wonder if people have reacted badly to her seeking help in past jobs and her confidence is so low she has to hide behind a cuddly toy.

She should work from home. Seems possible if furry toys are ok in the office so it doesn't sound like public facing.

Then she could have a menagerie at home to hold all day long, her productivity would probably rocket, and no one would have to listen to her child like voice either. Sorted.

Bet she won't need support animals if working at home, her triggers are not there. So there's the solution....

Are you saying that you really want to bring a soft toy into the office yourself but you are suppressing this to maintain a professional front? If not, then why do you think the place will be running alive with soft toys?

How in the name of holy hell did you get that from my post?
Which was a response to your question “What difference would it actually make if everyone who wanted to bring one in did?”
You’re either projecting on quite a major scale, or you’re on the windup.

I work with several people with mental illness (maybe more people than I even know about). It's not a problem, we support them well and they do a good job. Would I put up with someone carrying a cuddly toy around as a soother - hell no! It doesn't have to be a job they have to carry a soother around in or a world of benefits. There's a big road between and many other options.

Read what I said. How many would actually want to bring a soft toy in? Practically no one so what is the problem with letting them?

Suggesting that someone should be banished to work from home simply because their coping mechanisms or communication traits others find unusual is a form of exclusion and bullying.

This is a really nasty and ableist thread. Most of you sound like vile pack of witches.

I could never imagine being so judgmental and cruel to someone different.

Someone feeling they need to carry around a soft toy to cope sounds like they are not being well supported.