AIBU- Stuffed Toy in the office.

[2021x]

I work in a newly formed team in an office. We have our team admin who I am going to guess is at least 26-28 y.o. woman.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

Today, however, she started walking around the office with a stuffed toy. She brought the toy-a crocheted horse- into the meetings and had it on her lap, with the head poking onto the table while she was typing, and was hugging it to her body when walking back from meeting rooms like a child and talking to other team members.

She is getting married this year and has said she just wants to elope, as the cost and managing all the preparations are stressful, and she is dreading it because she will be the centre of attention. She is clearly very sensitive and going through a very tough time (none of her family lives here), but AIBU that this is a step too far, or am I just getting a bit too old/grumpy and should mind my own business as she isn't harming anyone?

Unless the workplace is a nursery/creche, I would find this very odd behaviour at work. I've worked with people with all sorts of unique behaviours - including a woman who used to put her coat on and get under her desk at lunchtimes for a snooze - but I'd find dealing with a colleague who talked in a baby voice and clung onto a stuffed toy tedious and performative.

I volunteer with young people and often have to have these types of supportive chats. But the OP should be taking it to the appropriate person, no one is saying she has to deal with it herself.
Myers Briggs type things are bollocks and can have very rigid, harmful definitions and I'm glad to be out of that game, I've also seen some utterly shocking team building situations and dealt with the fall out from others.
As for how others on this thread would react, some are making it quite clear.
I'm probably not going to reply again, because I keep repeating the same thing - this young woman's issues seemed to happen after the feedback, so it's fair to assume she was negatively affected by it. This kind of feedback shouldn't happen in a vacuum and why has no one offered constructive support if certain weaknesses have been brought up. The fact that OP thinks the feedback was innocuous, doesn't mean that others think the same. The older you get, the better you get at rolling your eyes at corporate bullshit.

One of the most intelligent women I know sometimes holds a small stuffed thing when delivering speeches. She is articulate, encouraging and knowledgeable. She's funny and gets people involved.
She has past trauma and is autistic. Holding her stuffed thing is something some occasionally needs to regulate. I am glad she has found something that works so she can continue doing the great job she does.

She doesn’t need a diagnosis. Under the Equality Act 2010 no formal diagnosis is needed for the need to provide reasonable adjustment - it’s how the condition affects day to day life, not the condition itself.

She can’t be forced to sign off sick either and any ‘hard’ conversation to force that would again, likely be illegal. People like you are why disabled people need the protection of the law.

OP clearly states

she constantly looks to all team members for reassurance on things she knows how to do, and she sometimes uses a very babyish little girl voice when she interacts with people to get their "help" which interrupts people for no reason.

and

She was clearly distressed in the meeting about her results, and I did flag that sometimes these results can feel confronting, and it's fine to have a week or two to process it.

So people have been reassuring despite being interrupted for no reason and OP has tried to comfort her and offer advice.

This 'young lady' is an employee who instead of doing the job she is paid for and supporting everyone as team admin is proving an underachieving distraction. Professionalism and maturity in the workplace is the very least that employers and colleagues can expect. Yes, we all have off days but to go to this level of self-serving ineptitude to the extent that colleagues are made to feel uncomfortable is wholly unacceptable.

Would you be happy to see a police officer carrying a teddy on patrol, or a surgeon discussing operating procedures with a patient in a baby voice? Would your view be different if this were a male colleague? Society as a whole is being captured by those - sadly, all too often women - who allow regressive and ridiculous behaviours that only serve to further undermine resilience and progression. She, and you, need to grow up.

What's the general company/office culture like?
Do people approach feedback and criticism constructively, or is it political and a bit.... backstabby?
Have people been gossiping and laughing about her behaviour or genuinely concerned for her wellbeing?

I think these are all important points to clarify to determine whether she's being unprofessional and would probable benefit from some mentorship vs. An environment thats toxic AF and she should be running away from before her probation is up.

Could be period pain relief

Lol, I'm pushing 60 and perfectly grown up, responsible and probably have more life experience than most, thank you. If insulting others is the only way you can get your point across, then you may need to consider your point.
Anyone can struggle with their mental health, be it a male person, surgeon or whatever, did you think it was something that just affects young women?
Someone just offer this young person some support and constructive advice as regards her feedback - and take a couple of weeks to think on it, isn't that. Jesus, it's not hard and doesn't need all this pontificating, just give the young lady some constructive bloody support. We are all getting ahead of ourselves with talk of the equality act etc, the absolute basics haven't even been focused on.

And I'm done, I have people to feed.

I love the add I'm getting immediately below your post!

My comprehension is absolutely fine. Perhaps it’s you that needs to work on yours because;

This person is employed. We have no idea if she is working towards or even wants a promotion.

There’s nothing in the OP’s posts that suggests she is being “pandered” to.

So, not only is your view incredibly ignorant and discriminatory, it’s also quite strange as you’re just jumping to weird conclusions without knowing any facts.

You brought up the equality act!
😂

😘

I know she's a grown woman acting like a child in the workplace. That's all the facts anyone needs really.

Let’s hope to God you don’t have any line management responsibilities in whatever role you do.

Also, the cringey emojis are a bit childish by the way.

Her behaviour is childish and attention-seeking, and the result of the nonsense about bringing your ‘whole self’ to work. Nobody should bring their whole selves to work. Bring your professional self to work and do your job, if you can’t do that, consult a medical professional. We wouldn’t have been allowed to carry a soft toy around as eleven-year-olds at school, FFS. No adult needs to take a soft toy to a meeting, and pandering to this kind of thing won’t help anyone.

Unless you work at Build-a-Bear, then you shouldn't be taking cuddly toys around with you in the office.

I was going to mention on this thread that from pre-school upwards, children learn when it’s appropriate to get toys out in school. There is a time for playing and a time for learning. We are taught that all the way through school and how to behave appropriately for the task in hand. Our primary never allowed ‘home toys’ to be brought in as they knew they were a distraction. Unrelated to the toy, but even in sixth form, you wear smart, professional clothes at our school to differentiate from ‘hanging out with your mates’ clothes. There is a time and place for everything. Somewhere along the line, this particular person does not realise how (or want) to behave professionally in a work environment.

She needs help and support so hopefully management will put that in place.

I’d be encouraging a resilience training!

I very rarely actually laugh at a comment, but this one is brilliant!

Well it sure takes a turn into ‘judgeable’ territory when she puts on her ickle girl voice when she wants something, I’d imagine.

That's my emotional support emoji

I need it to navigate my way through this terrible, cruel world.

Christ, are you saying a person can decide she doesn’t want to put up with this or that aspect of her job or her workplace one day, so she approaches management saying facet X makes her feel anxious, or doing Y makes her feel isolated/ self conscious/hungry etc because of suspected ABCDE, so she now wants an agreement that she can drop the annoying tasks and can turn the empty mail room into a personal work space away from everyone else?
(Plus a laptop to work from home half the week)?

[Exact demands made of my astonished director by a team member 15 years ago.]
No questions about this fragile mental state may be asked by management? And this is meant to draw those without disabilities into a willingly supportive working atmosphere for all? Blimey. Ambitious plan.

I do speak another language fluently. If I read a report about myself in that other language which I didn't agree with, I'd file it in the nonsense pile and move on with my life. I don't need to use a baby voice either.

The only thing which might be acceptable to some extent is having a comfort item. However, I do really think that she needs to be given help to wean herself off it at work. At home is up to her.

Very good point - DH and I are old and do roll our eyes at it all. But I don't think I was that upset by it in my 30s either.

I think you might be worried about it if you thought it might affect your job security but otherwise it's pseudosciencebollox.

Mumsnet: Mental illness isn't real everyone needs to work and get off benefits. Also Mumsnet: I don't want to work with someone struggling with mental illness

Came here to say the same thing. What an awful thread.