AIBU- Stuffed Toy in the office.

[2021x]

I work in a newly formed team in an office. We have our team admin who I am going to guess is at least 26-28 y.o. woman.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

Today, however, she started walking around the office with a stuffed toy. She brought the toy-a crocheted horse- into the meetings and had it on her lap, with the head poking onto the table while she was typing, and was hugging it to her body when walking back from meeting rooms like a child and talking to other team members.

She is getting married this year and has said she just wants to elope, as the cost and managing all the preparations are stressful, and she is dreading it because she will be the centre of attention. She is clearly very sensitive and going through a very tough time (none of her family lives here), but AIBU that this is a step too far, or am I just getting a bit too old/grumpy and should mind my own business as she isn't harming anyone?

Exactly! And behind her back she'll be known as Stuffed Horse Girl or worse... she'll struggle in the team because of this.

Are people still identifying as cats?
The world has gone mad.

Then perhaps the company shouldn’t have driven her further into this regression by forcing negative group feedback. That could be classified as a group bullying scenario as these people knew her prior to the feedback and knew she was a vulnerable type. Sounds like a gutless and unprofessional way of attempting to force her out. Hope they’re proud if something happens to this young woman while none of them are asking HR for help for her, especially ahead of her wedding. The lack of empathy for a clearly and openly struggling colleague here is astounding.

Her line manager and HR should be fully involved instead of the team ganging up on her.shameful.

Feedback should be the norm for any employee. Agreed it's not ideal in the context the OP described but most people wouldn't react in the way of teddy bear woman. We also don't know if that's why she's acting in this way.

In all the offices ive worked in, never seen anything like that. A novelty mug at coffee break time, a family photo on the desk maybe, but carrying a toy horse round the office is totally ridiculous. Does she have to meet the general public in her role at all? It is not professional, she won’t progress and how can you have a serious conversation with someone with a stuffed horse and toys on their desk. Does she ‘set up toys’ in work time?

If you dont want to ignore it and you do want to address it with her, i’d say to her alone that you’ve noticed her carrying it around and does she want to chat to anyone. Offer mental health support number if you feel she is struggling. You are not in the wrong for questioning something that is not in anyway normal.

Sadly yes!

Where does the OP describe the team ganging up on her? I can't see it in any of OP's posts. Where is there forced negative group feedback? Where is there group bullying?

All OP has described is her own private reaction to the woman's use of the cuddly toy. Are we not allowed to think something now without being accused of bullying??

I agree her manager needs to have a conversation with her and help her navigate whatever she is going through in a more work-appropriate way.

I have a colleague who makes cuddly toys and shows them to you if you express interest, but she does not carry them around. I'm all for quirky but obviously in this case, it is making her the subject of judgement even though that's not what people should be doing. If I were her manager, I'd be scheduling a meeting with her to start a conversation about wellbeing and simply comment, 'I've noticed you are carrying around X with you,' and go from there.

Good interviewers
Due diligence
Regular check in sessions
PIPs
General professional culture
Good managers thst are willing to have difficult conversations
High expectations
KPIs
Self worth
Leading by example
Approachable senior team

The list is not exhaustive

I think allowing someone to continue to speak like a toddler and clutch a toy because they are anxious isn't one for the the list though

I’m sorry but this would get on my nerves. Your workplace is not a crèche and you are not obligated to indulge such childish behaviour.

I had to deal with a senior colleague who regressed into such childish behaviour, dancing around the office and putting on a baby voice to deal with serious calls from vulnerable people. it was all an act to deflect attention from her poor performance

You’re not being unreasonable to notice it—bringing a cuddly toy into meetings is definitely unusual in most office environments. But I’d also be careful about how you interpret it. Sometimes people use comfort objects as a coping mechanism when they’re under a lot of stress, and in some cases it can even fall under a reasonable adjustment if someone is dealing with anxiety or another condition.

That said, she does need to be mindful of how it comes across professionally, especially in client‑facing situations or formal meetings. A coping strategy is valid, but it still has to work within the norms of the workplace. If she’s struggling, it might be worth her speaking to HR or occupational health so she can get support in a way that doesn’t put her in an awkward position.

For her own good someone needs to tell her to cut this weird shit out and be a grown-up. Being supportive of people with fragile mental health doesn't mean enabling bizarre and regressive behaviour. Setting appropriate boundaries at work is necessary and healthy and letting her walk around like a toddler at daycare is not helping her situation.

It's seems that it is group feedback as the OP knows the details of the feedback, but isn't a manager and it was a team building exercise.
The lady's behaviour changed right after the feedback which suggests it might have at least contributed. The OP hasn't tried to do anything supportive, but has instead posted about it on the Internet, where the young lady who is obviously struggling could be identified. AIBU is a bearpit and predictably there are many unsympathetic replies. Whilst there isn't evidence of group bullying in the OP's case, it is evident that this is how many would behave here.

No it isn’t. That’s a choice you are making to judge her.

And it would appear that no-one in this scenario is being supportive. Including management. There is clearly a MH problem at play here and the best thing OP and her colleagues can do is put it in the hands of management, so that they can support her in the best way possible. Because it seems to me that at the moment they are sailing very close to the wind that is bullying in the workplace.

Aww, you can give out venomous but can’t take it? How convenient.

Work on getting some empathy.

If one of your requested reasonable adjustments is bringing your teddy bear to work, I imagine you’d render yourself unemployable very quickly in the real world.

What exactly happened in the professional corporate team building test? And what type of feedback did she get?

Finding this behaviour weird and offputting is a natural, understandable reaction. It isn't appropriate to behave like a toddler at work.

It's seems that it is group feedback as the OP knows the details of the feedback, but isn't a manager and it was a team building exercise.
The lady's behaviour changed right after the feedback which suggests it might have at least contributed. The OP hasn't tried to do anything supportive, but has instead posted about it on the Internet, where the young lady who is obviously struggling could be identified. AIBU is a bearpit and predictably there are many unsympathetic replies. Whilst there isn't evidence of group bullying in the OP's case, it is evident that this is how many would behave here.

I've been through loads of those Myers-Briggs type exercises in team building things at work. There is generally no "wrong" feedback and OP makes it clear that this is the case here.

Would you really get involved in being "supportive" to this co-worker? Would you take it upon yourself to talk to her about appropriate behaviour at work? Ask her about her anxieties and brainstorm ways she could deal with them without clutching a toy? Tell her outright that her toy is diminishing her stature at work? When it isn't your job, you have no authority, and no defence if she complains about your conversation? Her manager should be doing this not OP.

I have no idea how posters on this thread would behave at work.

You can’t interview or carry out due diligence for mental health problems. You can’t even ask about them at interview even if you suspect them. So those ‘difficult’ conversations you specify in your vile and discriminatory ‘list’ would likely be illegal. A employer can’t put someone on a PIP for disability affecting their work performance. Likewise, they can’t sack someone for being disabled. There is something callled accommodation and reasonable adjustment for those with protected characteristics. Which this woman clearly has. You’ve clearly never heard of the Equality Act, or it seems, have any conception of what a mental health condition entails.

Work on your comprehension and I'll think about it 😂

This person is making themselves unemployable and impossible to promote.
Pandering to her is not kind.

Does she have a diagnosis then?
Because if not, then all of the things I wrote are perfectly valid.

Maybe she needs to get signed off to protect her position and mental health.
A hard conversation may be the push to do that.
Otherwise she's just the weirdo with the stuffed toy that is destroying her own career.

An employer absolutely can put someone on a PIP if a disability affects their work as long as appropriate adjustments are made and support is in place. They can also sack someone due to their disability, again providing a fair capability process has been followed.

All moot of course given no one has any possible idea whether this woman actually does have a disability within the meaning of the Equality Act 2010.