AIBU- Stuffed Toy in the office.

[2021x]

I work in a newly formed team in an office. We have our team admin who I am going to guess is at least 26-28 y.o. woman.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

Today, however, she started walking around the office with a stuffed toy. She brought the toy-a crocheted horse- into the meetings and had it on her lap, with the head poking onto the table while she was typing, and was hugging it to her body when walking back from meeting rooms like a child and talking to other team members.

She is getting married this year and has said she just wants to elope, as the cost and managing all the preparations are stressful, and she is dreading it because she will be the centre of attention. She is clearly very sensitive and going through a very tough time (none of her family lives here), but AIBU that this is a step too far, or am I just getting a bit too old/grumpy and should mind my own business as she isn't harming anyone?

Bizarrely, it’s a thing. An outward symbol of invisible disability. Apparently 🙄

Well I guess she can do what she likes if it comforts her. Dressing as a furry maybe or speaking in a foreign accent (when she isn't). I mean, where do you draw the line in a professional environment? Or do we just accept that everyone can do what they like to get through the day. I don't know.

😳

I’m sure what you say about bullying is true but how does that connect to the post you’re replying to (which struck me as compassionate)?

Seeing as this has all started since the "team building" session, I think that should be your focus and not the stuffed animal. There's no "team" in handing someone feedback and then leaving them to flounder. She obviously needs a debrief and some help processing the feedback, it obviously wasn't constructive or supportive. It's odd that you've just seized on stuffed animal as a point of criticism and not what has caused this sudden fall in confidence.

I'm 72 and have age-related osteoarthritis, which is unsurprising. I need a walking stick (unless I am pushing a supermarket trolley). Yes, I suppose my osteoarthritis is an invisible disability and a walking stick indicates to others that I need that aka "An outward symbol of invisible disability" but that doesn't mean that the reason for my using the stick is say to others "Look! I have a disability!" It's because I need the support. It's a walking aid. For my benefit, no one else's.

What was said to the poor woman during the 'team building ' feedback? God I hate shit like that. Can't fucking wait to retire and get away from all the corporate capitalist bullshit

I made the judgement based on the information given in the OP same as other posters have.

If you were walking round the office cuddling a picture of your children that would be equally weird and inappropriate.

OP says this woman has had toys and cutesy stuff on her desk but the behaviour has now escalated to bringing the items to meetings.

Sorry you mean my post about the 44 year old in the mobility scooter? She told me but it’s not surprising because it’s generational.

So you actually need the stick. That’s not what I’m referring to at all. There are people who like to announce their nd status with a visual sign that they consider themselves disabled. Even though they don’t have a physical disability.

responding as you responded to my comment and suggested that I should try carrying a stuffed animal around with me…..

I was a professional in a professional job and had meetings with high high people….. carrying a stuffed toy into a meeting to help me regulate is an absolutely absurd suggestion! We bring up our kids to know and understand how they/we are and how to cope with it in a more social acceptable way.

if you went to see a doctor about a serious issue and they came in wearing furry ears, clutching a teddy and singing nursery rhymes, would you not be concerned?

This already underperforming adult is behaving in a thoroughly unprofessional and unacceptable way. Yes, she may well be struggling (unless this is performative sympathy-seeking?) but in turn she's causing discomfort for other team members, namely the OP who has been affected enough to seek advice here.

She needs to Grow the Fuck Up, recognise that constructive criticism is hard to hear but ultimately improves professional performance, and that infantilising herself is not a good look in any space particularly a place of work.

Utterly batshit.

It’s attention seeking behaviour for sympathy. If she really needed a comfort toy, she could manage with a smaller item or a fidget in her pocket nor similar. Wandering round all day with a large stuffed horse is screaming ‘look at me’ which is ridiculous for someone nearly 30. I would completely ignore it and not give her the attention she wants from it. I don’t think you’ll get far with management as she’ll probably claim she has to have this stuffed toy or she can’t work and then the whole things been given more attention again.

😂That's an entirely different matter. I don't go anywhere without my knitted Kemi Badenoch, including very strategically placed safety pin.

Good grief

Yes but someone whose mental health is failing will not even recognise this is happening to them. Sometimes it is the responsible the management to run a mental health check.

I had a bit of a break down and started carrying around a teddy for a while after years of infertility, when I had finally got my miracle pregnancy and then suffered a MMC.

Due to the years of complications we hadn't told most people I was pregnant so people probably just thought I went a bit quite and weird.

My point is you probably don't know what is going on in her privet life thats led to a new habit (especially one quite well known to be linked to self comfort after trauma) no matter how bizarre it seems to you. Its not hurting anyone so not really anyone's job to police.

Exactly. I was told to go to the doctors or they would start disciplinary action against me. I ended up having a year off sick.

Surely the point is that any such accommodations shall be first agreed between employee and management, and that agreement, in its practical terms, must be relayed to other employees if it is to succeed.
But the unusual behaviour OP describes can’t expect to be tolerated let alone accommodated without there having been a statement and action plan about it from on high, and it should not be just left for her colleagues to process and work with.

Legislation exists and it is for employers to implement, in the first instance.

Really?

The team thing seems like an awful thing to do. There appears to be no consideration for how this might affect the confidence of the lowest grade person amongst a team of professionals.

And this is something you've seen in real life, not just on social media?

Yep and if all her colleagues are as mean and ruthless as the OP then I dread to think what was said in the feedback

Gawd, this could run and run.
What do you mean there, with ‘Really?’
Are you saying using an unnecessary walking stick is a common phenomenon now?