AIBU- Stuffed Toy in the office.

[2021x]

I work in a newly formed team in an office. We have our team admin who I am going to guess is at least 26-28 y.o. woman.

We did one of those "professional" corporate team-building tests, and she seemed really confronted by some of the feedback she got. Since then, she has started acting more childlike and dependent and constantly seeking feedback on things she clearly can handle herself.

Today, however, she started walking around the office with a stuffed toy. She brought the toy-a crocheted horse- into the meetings and had it on her lap, with the head poking onto the table while she was typing, and was hugging it to her body when walking back from meeting rooms like a child and talking to other team members.

She is getting married this year and has said she just wants to elope, as the cost and managing all the preparations are stressful, and she is dreading it because she will be the centre of attention. She is clearly very sensitive and going through a very tough time (none of her family lives here), but AIBU that this is a step too far, or am I just getting a bit too old/grumpy and should mind my own business as she isn't harming anyone?

Oh my god like your man in Slow Horses 😂

Good grief, get over yourself. I’ve worked in professional environments but that isn’t mutually exclusive with showing basic human compassion when a colleague is struggling.

What are the chances of her being “unable” to come in to work without her toy horse?

Is the crochet horse making her work better, worse or the same? If worse then hopefully her line manager will notice and tell her. You need not pay such close attention to what she's carrying or holding. It's her work that needs to be focussed on.

Some people use much more unhealthy ways of coping at work that just aren't comforting inanimate objects. Like drug use, smoking/vaping, gambling/watching porn in the toilets, snacking constantly etc. You just might not know!

Sorry I know it's irrelevant but I didn't have my glasses on and read it as "Stuffed Tory in the office"

I think you missed my point in your urge to make a contrary response yourself. We are not in a court trying to win an argument.

Posters are dismissing her mental health struggles or suggestions that she may need support with grow up, this is how everyone else works responses. That attitude is a thing of past now, organisations and regulatory authorities have realised that its people not some machines and people can sometimes be strugging with mental/ emotionql health issues and need a bit more support.

I hope I am bit more clearer this time.

Ahhhh I do miss the days when struggling twentysomethings just got pissed, slept around and took loads of drugs to cope with life ;)
Seriously though, I wouldn’t be able to work alongside this kind of pathetic-ness. Sorry but the amount of people defending this is worrying. She’s an adult.

Or possibly they didn’t have a job

For some reason the sentence is the crochet horse making her work better has just made me laugh 🤣. It just sounds so absurd in isolation.

I agree. This poster acts like anyone showing sympathy cannot be working in a corporate environment.

I have a toy squirrel called "Squidgy" I took squidgy to a park run once. I wouldn't take squidgy to work, she is too shy for that.

I would just gently suggest to her line manager that they reach out to HR about counselling services, most corporate companies have free for employee mental health support. Or find it yourself on the employee benefits guide. Clearly neurodivergent and finding overwhelm but also not right if impacting office dynamics.

I'd have a word with management and say she seems to be struggling and could possibly use some support.

Hugging a cuddly toy and talking in a baby voice while acting helpless is not normal or appropriate office behaviour and she needs either support if there is an actual need here or a metaphorical slap round the chops and advice to grow the fuck up if its attention seeking.

It’s a toy that she is holding. It’s not as if it’s a puppet she is trying to force others to interact with whilst she does ventriloquism.

The employer should advise her to see her GP.

I bet a lot of the posts like this are from people who also think everyone with ASD/ADHD/Anxiety/personality disorders/MH issues should just be in work but then aren’t accommodating at all when these people need some reasonable adjustments made.

It’s a toy that she is holding
Yeah. In the workplace. I don’t know why you think that sounds any better, really.

How far should those accommodations stretch? I wanted to be a midwife but realised I am slightly phobic around other peoples blood. Should the NHS have accommodated this?

It sounds to me like she's autistic and/or has ADHD and the stuffed toy helps her to regulate her emotions and gives her some feeling of support and safety.

She's clearly sensitive to rejection and a people pleaser, she's seeking this feedback because she's probably over thinking every little thing she does to try to avoid further feelings that she's not good enough...its a very vicious circle and exhausting to live with. Autistic people can regress to speaking in a child like tone when they are under alot of stress and masking becomes very difficult.

This would also be why she's struggling with the thought of being centre of attention when she gets married, expectations are massive.

The stuff toy is doing no harm to anyone but it's really helping her. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if this was one of my work colleagues.

Haha yeah I did smile when I wrote it. If I was HR and this was raised I would struggle not to find it amusing.

Yes!!! 😂😂

I'm nearly 50 and suffer with Anxiety, depression and complex ptsd, I work in a corporate environment part-time (30 hours a week) and I have palm sized squishy cat that has been christened anxiety cat in my draw at work and that comes out when needed, 8t calms me down and gives me something to do with my hands I'm very lucky 1) that I'm good at my job despite my challenges and 2) that I work in a very supportive non judgemental office. Its really something that HR should be aware of in this case but your colleague will pick up on judgement even if you're trying to hide it

I would find it very difficult to work with an adult who carried around a stuffed toy.

What was the feedback she got from the team day? That’s clearly impacted her confidence. Has she good an improvement plan in place and has she being probably supported by her line manager or mentor?!?

Is it maybe one of those microwavable hot water bottles? That she had with her for cramps?