AIBU to sometimes think DH was raised by wolves? (He wasn’t!)

[FromtheMouthsofDecadence]

I’ll preface this by saying I am not suggesting it is LTB territory or the biggest problem in my life - just something that’s been bugging me and would like some outside perspective please. DH regularly does the following things, which I think are gross/disgusting and in some cases, likely to spread germs and sickness. He thinks they are completely normal and my “standards are too high”

YABU - your DH’s behaviour is normal - you are too precious
YANBU - your DH’s behaviour is disgusting and likely to make you and your newborn sick over winter

1. Doesn’t wash his hands after coming in from outside/the supermarket/filling the car up
2. Despite Covid etc, in late 40’s still doesn’t know/care how to wash his hands properly. Soap before water, which falls off, then 3 seconds of water and NEVER DRIES THEM (personal ick of mine)
3. Doesn’t wash fruit before giving to toddler (I make sure it’s done)
4. Puts toddlers shoes that he’s worn outside (in the rain, mud etc) on kitchen table, would proceed to feed toddler eg a blueberry that fell on same kitchen table two seconds later
5. Licks the communal butter knife and puts it back 🤢
6. Uses sugar cubes with no tongs
7. Would drink milk straight from the carton, only I’ve told him that is a non-negotiable disgusting one (same for butter but he says it’s a habit he can’t get out of)

To pre-empt the usual responses I see on here:

• Yes, there are lots of things I like about him - these are just bugbears
• No, he is not ND and even if he was, I’m so sick of that being used as an excuse for crappy behaviour
• Yes, I’m sure I have annoying habits too, but I have basic common sense and my 2 year old has never been properly sick/on an antibiotics/in hospital, despite being in nursery for a year so I reckon my vigilance is doing something!

This is why 50/50 custody annoys me. I never met a man who knew how to look after a child properly, be sensible with hygiene or have any common sense whatsoever so I live on my own with cats. At least cats wash themselves albeit with their own spit and smell nice 😆

I agree, my hubby always licks knives after use,,, and puts them away. Yuk
He often needs a good wash, when coming in as he smells grubby. He never changed

Some of it's normal (the hand washing technique!). Some is a bit gross (shoes on table, not washing fruit - that's more about chemicals than germs).

But you are seriously U for blaming any childhood illness on him, or any lack of illness on you. Some germs are good for children to be exposed to and you just never really know how they're going to get to your kids anyway. The toddler is much more likely to bring things home from nursery unless you strip him off and wash his hair in disinfectant before he comes into contact with you or the baby.

I do three of those things. The rest are very questionable.

YAVU. Definitely fairly standard stuff from the partner here. We all survived similar, as kids and adults. Don't be one of those women who fuss about "hygiene".... it's so unattractive.

4 and 5 jump out as being the worst, but number 2 is also upsetting

4 and 5 grim.

Sugar tongs? If you have a child together you've shared bodily fluids. Chill.

5 and 7 would bother me, and I wouldn't put shoes on the table. But the rest I'm not particularly fussed by. My DCs have survived to their mid 20s without any major problems - I think that was partly down to me being a SAHM and them not going to nursery, but I do think people fuss too much these days.

I'm a firm believer of a bit of dirt strengthening the immune system

Gosh, nothing worse than being unattractive. How terrifying. Must modify my behaviour immediately.

Sarcasm (to confirm)

Other than licking the butter knife and putting it back, and the way he washes his hands, the rest of that would happen in our house. None of us wash our hands when we come in from outside unless we have been gardening, shoes can stay on, we are guilty of occasionally drinking milk, juice, and lemonade out of the carton. We are rarely sick

Sugar tongs????? Are you a time traveller?

The butter knife would bother me but the rest of it not so much .
We need germs to build up immunity.

I too, am more fascinated by the sugar tongs than his digressions .

No, sorry, can’t get too het up about any of those things…don’t have a communal butter knife to lick, just take from the drawer when needed then drop in washing up bowl after…definitely take a quick swig from drink bottles though not milk as not a fan…our kids have survived unwashed fruit, unwashed hands, dirty shoes and a whole lifetime of germs from being farm kids, all without any noticeable ill effects-can probably count on one hand the number of days they had off school from illness. I think we must be the wolf pack he was raised in👍

@FromtheMouthsofDecadence 3,4,5 and 7 would not be tolerated in my home. Yes, your H is disgusting!

1.Non issue really as long as hands are washed before eating or cooking.
2.Not great but would be wash his hands properly if he knew he had touched something gross?
3.Non issue
4.Why are they on the table at all? This is gross, is there not a show rack or similar available?
5.What is a communal butter knife? Gross to lick the knife and put it back in the butter though.
6.Non issue
7.Gross if he was doing it

So a mix of non issues and issues but it won’t effect if your child gets poorly really. They all catch bugs at school

I’d argue it’s far more unattractive and frankly gross when hygiene is not a priority.

Shoes on the table, not knowing how to wash his hands, and drinking milk out the carton are gross. Licking a butter knife is really fucking minging and disrespectful. Would he like to go to a restaurant where someone had licked his cutlery? A 'habit he can't get out of'? That excuse can get in the bin

I grew up doing most of that stuff on that list. The only one that jumps out to me is putting outdoor shoes on a table. Howwwllllllllllll.....

My ex-H despaired of me too, still regards me as revolting. Am so happy we got divorced. On OP's list, he'd be disgusted by most of it too... and yet he sometimes put a recently used dustpain on a kitchen table, or used the dish sponge to wipe up something on the floor. <shrug>

Shoes on the kitchen table, licking the butter knife and drinking the milk out of the carton would be things I couldn’t stomach. The rest I’m not quite as bothered about. Washing fruit, unless you use some sort of special product, only rinses dust off. It doesn’t remove toxins. I rinse fruit because it makes me feel better. Tongs for the sugar cubes is a bit Hyacinth Bucket😃

The most disturbing part of that list is the thought of you watching and assessing his hand washing techniques 🤣 Like having a hygiene inspector following you around the house

Licking a knife is bad manners. But wouldn’t bother me from a germs pov.

The only one would be putting shoes on table as there could be dog shit on them.

Otherwise me and DH do similar to your DH. We’re in robust health 😆

5 and 7 would also be my only issues. It would never occur to me to wash my hands just when returning to the the house!?

Do you think it's your vigilance that's helping the toddler or your husband building up their immunity by exposing them to normal germs ?

Some of the stuff is a bit grim but I personally, wouldn't get super wound up about it.