AIBU to sometimes think DH was raised by wolves? (He wasn’t!)

[FromtheMouthsofDecadence]

I’ll preface this by saying I am not suggesting it is LTB territory or the biggest problem in my life - just something that’s been bugging me and would like some outside perspective please. DH regularly does the following things, which I think are gross/disgusting and in some cases, likely to spread germs and sickness. He thinks they are completely normal and my “standards are too high”

YABU - your DH’s behaviour is normal - you are too precious
YANBU - your DH’s behaviour is disgusting and likely to make you and your newborn sick over winter

1. Doesn’t wash his hands after coming in from outside/the supermarket/filling the car up
2. Despite Covid etc, in late 40’s still doesn’t know/care how to wash his hands properly. Soap before water, which falls off, then 3 seconds of water and NEVER DRIES THEM (personal ick of mine)
3. Doesn’t wash fruit before giving to toddler (I make sure it’s done)
4. Puts toddlers shoes that he’s worn outside (in the rain, mud etc) on kitchen table, would proceed to feed toddler eg a blueberry that fell on same kitchen table two seconds later
5. Licks the communal butter knife and puts it back 🤢
6. Uses sugar cubes with no tongs
7. Would drink milk straight from the carton, only I’ve told him that is a non-negotiable disgusting one (same for butter but he says it’s a habit he can’t get out of)

To pre-empt the usual responses I see on here:

• Yes, there are lots of things I like about him - these are just bugbears
• No, he is not ND and even if he was, I’m so sick of that being used as an excuse for crappy behaviour
• Yes, I’m sure I have annoying habits too, but I have basic common sense and my 2 year old has never been properly sick/on an antibiotics/in hospital, despite being in nursery for a year so I reckon my vigilance is doing something!

Communal butter knife? Does it just hang around waiting to spring into action? Licking knives is gross. Shoes on table horrible. Swigging from household drinks is the worst, really awful. I do wash my hands if I’ve been shopping and holding a trolly but not if I’ve been for a browse around somewhere. The rest, can’t get worked up about.

He is grime, sorry not for me... Id be off in a flash.

Don't put shoes on the table and don't lick the butter knife, but beyond that... a bit of dirt does you good.
I think the reason your child hasn't been sick is because of your husband, rather than because of you.

The butter knife thing I wouldn’t like, I tell my toddler off for it. Shows in the table - well I’d want the table wiped after but I couldn’t get too upset about a blueberry drive by incident. The rest I really wouldn’t be worried about. Fruit here is sometimes washed, sometimes given a hand shine.

Funnily I think of myself as a bit of a domestic minger… nothing is truly dirty but not spotless either. Animals sleep on the beds, 5 seconds rule regularly employed. But points 3-7 would not happen in my house.

Except sugar tongs. We use granular sugar with a spoon. Because I am not sufficiently aspirational perhaps 😁.

Hand Washing is one of my things, what does your DH do? Mine is in the motor industry and in this industry soap before water is correct as their specialist soap breaks down the oil and then you can rinse it of.
Hand washing is about habits it he has a work habit it will be very hard to break at home for home hand washing.

Does everyone have a communal butter knife 😆?! Toddlers literally put filthy toys/items/floor food in their mouth all the time, it's good for their immune systems. YANBU to think your husband is gross but these things probably won't do your child any harm. The fruit one to me is the worst as might contain pesticides etc.

We sometimes have a communal butter knife. As in, if I use a knife to get some butter, if the knife isn't crumby I'll leave it on the edge of the butter dish for the next butter seeker. I don't want anyone licking it then putting it back, that's disgusting.

I know what sugar tongs are but I have never actually seen any.

I'm still amazed at how many dirty bird men there are out there. Even more that women still seem to lay down and have children with them when they know they are dirty birds

I love that yon use sugar cubes and I am even more impressed you can find your sugar tongs. I mislaid my sugar tongs when we moved house a few years ago. I am now looking for new sugar tongs on eBay.

Couldn’t get too excited about most of these…get rid of the butter knife.

He's slummy but you sound a bit extreme. Ive never washed my hands because ive "just come in from the supermarket".

Your toddler has probably licked the dog 5 mins ago the blueberry wont kill him. But shoes on the table is unecessary.

I hardly ever wash fruit. My kids eat blackberries straight off the bushes outside.

Licking butter knife & drinking milk from carton = gross.

Are you quite germ phobic?

Sugar cubes are weird. How do you take half?

5 and 7 would annoy me the rest not so much. I mean who the hell has sugar tongs??

Could you buy granulated sugar?

Shoe on the table, lick shared buttered knife, not washing hands properly, drinking from milk carton, eat food from floor. Nope, 👎 don’t do any of that .. it’s minging.

I’m not remotely precious about handwashing (apart from after the toilet, obvs) so none of that bothers me.
The only one I found really gross and unacceptable was licking the butter knife, so maybe I was raised by wolves as well…

Some of what he’s doing is plainly gross- the licking the butter knife and putting it back for some reason might irk me most?

However this really pisses me off:

• Yes, I’m sure I have annoying habits too, but I have basic common sense and my 2 year old has never been properly sick/on an antibiotics/in hospital, despite being in nursery for a year so I reckon my vigilance is doing something!

Because that is most likely pure luck or a combination of your “vigilance” and your husband’s grimy habits. My own baby was in hospital overnight last winter and it was bad luck she got so ill according to all the medical staff there. It’s not because her parents didn’t care or were filthy bastards. Same for the vast majority of children who are sick with something or other.

Licking the knife is awful so I'd just get rid of it.

Shoes on the table is grim and also bad luck so wouldn't do that.

Washing fruit- it's already been washed and packaged so not fussed about that.

Washing hands - soap first then rise off,what's wrong with that? We always wash hands when coming in from the end of the day ot being on the train especially. People do the most disgusting things on trains and then you are touching the rails and buttons where they've touched 🤢

I went to a very fancy restaurant the other week and there was a small pinch bowl of salt instead of a shaker,I have to say I didn't like the idea of that given how many people don't wash their hands after going to the loo.

Drinking from the carton is utterly vile,backwash in your tea? No thanks! No one does that in this house.

5 and 7 are the only ones that would be a hard no from me.

Who washes their hands after coming home? I wash mine after using the toilet, if I've touched raw meat or anything icky, if they're dirty or before cooking. Licking a knife is bad manners according to my long dead mother, but anyway, licking anything that's going to be used by others is pretty grim

He'll probably use to spoon to stir his drink & put that back in the sugar bowl!

Me especially after Covid during lockdown. Aren’t you aware of germs on things ? Eg supermarket trolleys, food stuffs in supermarkets, doors, public transport etc it’s rife

Yes, thank you (for being snarky), I am. I just have better things to worry about.