AIBU to sometimes think DH was raised by wolves? (He wasn’t!)

[FromtheMouthsofDecadence]

I’ll preface this by saying I am not suggesting it is LTB territory or the biggest problem in my life - just something that’s been bugging me and would like some outside perspective please. DH regularly does the following things, which I think are gross/disgusting and in some cases, likely to spread germs and sickness. He thinks they are completely normal and my “standards are too high”

YABU - your DH’s behaviour is normal - you are too precious
YANBU - your DH’s behaviour is disgusting and likely to make you and your newborn sick over winter

1. Doesn’t wash his hands after coming in from outside/the supermarket/filling the car up
2. Despite Covid etc, in late 40’s still doesn’t know/care how to wash his hands properly. Soap before water, which falls off, then 3 seconds of water and NEVER DRIES THEM (personal ick of mine)
3. Doesn’t wash fruit before giving to toddler (I make sure it’s done)
4. Puts toddlers shoes that he’s worn outside (in the rain, mud etc) on kitchen table, would proceed to feed toddler eg a blueberry that fell on same kitchen table two seconds later
5. Licks the communal butter knife and puts it back 🤢
6. Uses sugar cubes with no tongs
7. Would drink milk straight from the carton, only I’ve told him that is a non-negotiable disgusting one (same for butter but he says it’s a habit he can’t get out of)

To pre-empt the usual responses I see on here:

• Yes, there are lots of things I like about him - these are just bugbears
• No, he is not ND and even if he was, I’m so sick of that being used as an excuse for crappy behaviour
• Yes, I’m sure I have annoying habits too, but I have basic common sense and my 2 year old has never been properly sick/on an antibiotics/in hospital, despite being in nursery for a year so I reckon my vigilance is doing something!

Unless the OP's milk is regularly going off, that's not a problem.

Also, bacteria gets into any product the moment you open it anyway. Someone drinking from the carton really isn't a significant factor at all in accelerating the process of the milk going off. The difference would be minuscule and unless it takes her family a very long time to finish a carton of milk, it's still not going to go off before they've finished it.

In any case, that wasn't the OP's concern. Her concern was that he would make the family ill. Which he won't.

I'm pretty cruddy by MN standards, but licking a knife & putting it back is utterly revolting!

Of course he could stop-he likely doesn't want to.

I would say my husband is more scrupulous about stuff than me but he definitely gets more bad stomachs than I do.

I think it can just be "pot luck".

He washes his hands when he's been out, I only do that if they feel grubby/dusty, he washes apples I don't for example.

I there a correlation?

Who knows!

Licks the communal butter knife and puts it back 🤢

Would drink milk straight from the carton, only I’ve told him that is a non-negotiable disgusting one (same for butter but he says it’s a habit he can’t get out of)

I honestly couldn't live with these two - I'd be too revolted all the time. Buy him a book on changing habits - think it takes about 21 days to stop a bad habit and 60 to form a new one but I may be making that up.

Has he got an answer to the question why he thinks everyone should have his spit on their butter and in their milk. Apart from being disgusting it is so fucking egotistical.

YABU - I also do all those things apart from shoes & bags on a kitchen worktop.

It's good to build a little immunity

4,5,7 would be the biggest issue for me.

Though wouldn’t have a communal butter knife either.

Oh god, mine washes his hands like that, even does the washing up in the same ridiculous way - squirts washing up liquid on plate, runs under the tap to remove the washing up liquid, wipes it with the sponge 🤦‍♀️
It does drive me a bit nuts.

I would only have issues with 4 and 7

I wouldnt have a communal butter knife. Its weird

My dc is prone to drinking out milk carton so he has his own now

Wtf is a "communal butter knife"?! 🤣

To be honest the only ones I'd be fussed about would be the muddy shoes on the table and the milk from the carton.

Well some of that’s gross but some I could live with - I don’t always wash my hands after coming in especially after shopping as I come in put it away then forget. The butter knife though is definitely LTB territory…

Thinking if I washed my hands every time I entered or left the house including into the garden my hands would just be bones.

He sounds disgusting. I couldn't even finish reading.

5 is minging but the rest are all just a bit 'meh'.

You tried too hard with number 6 though.
You'll be telling us next that he uses a grapefruit spoon when eating caviar 😱

Not ideal but not going to kill you and your child.

BTW I’ve never washed a piece of fruit in my life for me or my children.

5 and 7 are a bit grim but the others are in the range of normal.

Number 6...sorry OP its definitely an ltb from me.

You’re meant to do soap before water so it picks up all the bacteria etc and then water drags the resulting compound away. Drying them adds more bacteria back onto the hands than air drying.

I wouldn’t be bothered by anything you mentioned. I wash my hands when I come in only since Covid. The fruit is mostly to wash off pesticides. Shoes on table is a no but it wouldn’t horrify me. The sugar cubes is just dramatic of you.

It's never occurred to me to wash my hands after "coming in from outside" (supermarket or anywhere else) - is that a thing? You live and learn...

Can you work it out from context clues, maybe?

If not, it's when you put the butter dish out with a butter knife that's for spreading the butter, for everyone. Which means that everyone isn't sticking their own knife, that they're presumably also using to cut or spread things that are not butter, into the butter.

Let him know what bothers you and tell him how he needs to change it . From experience men need to know what is acceptable to you . You need to spell it out in simple terms for him to fully understand. You may need to repeat your requests a few times for it to sink in . It’s worth the effort in the end.

I don't wash fruit, I'm not sure it does much. When you think about washing hands/clothes/dishes etc you need hot water and detergent to actually get things clean don't you, so surely it's the same for fruit. I don't really get why hands need to be washed when you've been to the supermarket either, or the issue with the sugar cubes. 4, 5 and 7 definitely gross.

4,5,and 7 are deal-breakers for sure

Apart from 5 I really couldn’t get worked up about any of this.

1, 2, 3, 4 and 6 I wouldn't get worked up about and would think you a bit OTT. Especially number 6. Sugar tongs!

However, 5 and 7 are grim.

These aren't that horrifying. A bit gross, some of them. But not dangerous.

So disagree with this. Not all men and all that!
my son has had some custody of his son since he was a baby, he is now 9 and he has raised him single handedly with no contact with the “mother” and guess what they wash their hands and shower daily.!!