AIBU to sometimes think DH was raised by wolves? (He wasn’t!)

[FromtheMouthsofDecadence]

I’ll preface this by saying I am not suggesting it is LTB territory or the biggest problem in my life - just something that’s been bugging me and would like some outside perspective please. DH regularly does the following things, which I think are gross/disgusting and in some cases, likely to spread germs and sickness. He thinks they are completely normal and my “standards are too high”

YABU - your DH’s behaviour is normal - you are too precious
YANBU - your DH’s behaviour is disgusting and likely to make you and your newborn sick over winter

1. Doesn’t wash his hands after coming in from outside/the supermarket/filling the car up
2. Despite Covid etc, in late 40’s still doesn’t know/care how to wash his hands properly. Soap before water, which falls off, then 3 seconds of water and NEVER DRIES THEM (personal ick of mine)
3. Doesn’t wash fruit before giving to toddler (I make sure it’s done)
4. Puts toddlers shoes that he’s worn outside (in the rain, mud etc) on kitchen table, would proceed to feed toddler eg a blueberry that fell on same kitchen table two seconds later
5. Licks the communal butter knife and puts it back 🤢
6. Uses sugar cubes with no tongs
7. Would drink milk straight from the carton, only I’ve told him that is a non-negotiable disgusting one (same for butter but he says it’s a habit he can’t get out of)

To pre-empt the usual responses I see on here:

• Yes, there are lots of things I like about him - these are just bugbears
• No, he is not ND and even if he was, I’m so sick of that being used as an excuse for crappy behaviour
• Yes, I’m sure I have annoying habits too, but I have basic common sense and my 2 year old has never been properly sick/on an antibiotics/in hospital, despite being in nursery for a year so I reckon my vigilance is doing something!

Don't see much of a problem and what the hell is a "communal butter knife"? Wouldn't put shoes on the table personally. I don't wear shoes as far as the kitchen anyway. Except in one of the houses we lived in where you had to walk through the kitchen to get to the closet.
Leaving hands to air dry is likely more hygienic than wiping them on a hand towel. Unless you are one of those people who washes towels after every use.

Not bothered by any of these things really...maybe licking the knife but even that's a bit...meh.

I do some really disgusting things and I very rarely wash my hands, so I'm not the best person to offer an opinion.

Mmmn, I'm thinking you're perhaps too far over on the obsessive side, and he's too far over on the casual side and that most people would sit somewhere between the two of you?

I don't tend to wash my hands every time I come inside and I don't know people who do. But I do wash properly on a regular basis, and would expect everyone else to do too.

Grabbing a sugar cube no big deal. shoes on table - bad. Licking knives then putting back - also bad. No fruit washing - not ideal, not end of world.

Is everyone still alive and healthy?

The only ones that seem appalling to me are licking the knife and drinking from the milk carton.

I've never washed my hands just because I've been outdoors.

Most of your other examples I would usually do your way, but wouldn't stress if it happened his way.

You have to be quite similar on these things or someone would drive you nuts.

DH is more relaxed than me about things. I sometimes get annoyed by his laziness but what would annoy me far more is someone pulling me up on things, so it's a good trade-off.

I find it interesting@FromtheMouthsofDecadence, that you put you put your child not being ill down to your habits rather than your husbands. A good healthy immunity is gained, and increases, from exposure to germs and microbes. Your actions are decreasing that exposure, your husbands are increasing it.

And I don't know ANYONE who washes their hands just because they've been out of the house.

4, 5 and 7 disgusting

The rest...meh

I voted YANBU after reading your list. I wouldn't be able to live with someone with habits like that either. Shoes on the table would make my head explode. I can't even stand anyone putting a handbag on the kitchen worktop..

Am surprised that so many people have lax hygiene standards though.

I think the biggest question is does he wash his hands after the toilet?

I find some of the things on your list way over the top (sugar thongs) and others I’d consider as someone having very bad hygiene (not washing hands when entering the house, dirty shoes on the table). But I didn’t grow up in the UK and we don’t wear our dirty shoes in the house, we wash our hands when coming from outside and find using a washing up bowl in the kitchen a disgusting way to wash dishes…so there’s that 😊

YABU about the sugar tongs. Wolves don't have opposing thumbs.

AI concurs with me that shoes on the table are bad luck,
‘If someone accidentally puts shoes on a table, traditional folklore suggests a few ways to cancel out the bad luck:

• Spitting on the soles of the shoes.
• Knocking three times underneath the tabletop.
• Immediately removing the shoes from the table’

I have a sweet little pair of sugar tongs that I inherited and kept for the childhood memories of using them to nick whole sugar cubes to crunch. Haven’t spotted any of the family using them. Why do they have tiny spoons on the business end? Wouldn’t a flat design be more efficient?

This reallllly disturbs me! Are their women who would care about being considered unattractive if they spoke about their partner being unclean? Who the FUCK would let someone touch them sexually if they weren’t clean????

I’ve learnt from MN that some women really do put up with bad personal hygiene from their male partners and it proper makes me VOM 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

So your 2 about Covid
You realise that covid is transmitted through AEROSOL (aka it’s in the air) and washing hands does nothing to protect you right?

The rest? If you’re happy with oral sex, I’m not sure why you’re so uptight about all the other stuff.
Sure if you’re ill, don’t drink from the milk bottle. And don’t kiss either.

Otherwise…..

Lovewine123, wouldn’t sugar thongs be more on the bottom than over the top?

The butter knife is the only one I’d get upset about tbh. Not so much for me, given the sharing of bodily fluids, lol - more for visitors.
However I dont buy sugar cubes and therefore don’t possess sugar tongs, lol #deprived

I have OCD about germs on hands especially when handling food so my DH tolerates me reminding him to wash his hands. My rule is, if he is handling any food I will eat, then he has to abide by my hygiene rules.

So, most of the things you've listed would annoy me, his refusal to take your health concerns into consideration would make me leave him.

To all the ones saying OP is too OTT, even with my rules, if one of the dogs gets ill then DH gets ill. So DDog1 had runs for three days last week, DH got the runs. DDog2 got the runs this week - Yep you guessed it, DH spent yesterday on the loo. (For any dog lovers, DDogs rarely get ill which is why DHs reaction is so noticable).

Not drinking from the milk bottle isn't about passing on bacteria *ie it's not the same as kissing). The extra bacteria in the milk makes it go off quicker.

I understand how you feel OP.
I joke with my husband that he needs to go to husband finishing school. I'm perplexed at some things he does as none of my girl friends will ever do that. When I mention some to my MIL she agrees or smiles and we concur that men are different and weird.
They're not hot on hygiene and think children should be exposed to germs and allowed to fall and get dirty etc.
Find amusement in his behaviour, correct him in a light hearted way. He'll get better and then you'll know you could be a proprietor of "Husband Finishing School"! 🤣😂🤣

Most of those are you being unusually uptight about germs.

1. Not normal to wash hands just after coming in. Wash hands before you handle food or do anything that requires them to be hygienic. If you're just going to watch TV or read a book when you come in then why would you wash your hands?
2. Soap before water isn't standard but it doesn't fall off. And there's nothing wrong with air drying hands - your ick is a you problem.
3. No one is going to die from unwashed fruit and it's probably better to build up the immune system. Washing fruit isn't uptight but being so rigid about it is.
4. Yeah outside shoes on table is gross and also a bit confusing, surely putting them literally anywhere else is easier.
5. What is a "communal butter knife"? I sometimes lick knives that have been in things like peanut butter and then I put them in the dishwasher.
6. This one made me think you're trolling tbh. Ridiculous on every level for you to be concerned about that.
7. I drink juice straight out of the carton all the time, unless I'm actually ill. So does DH. It's just us so we're not passing on any germs that we wouldn't be otherwise. I wouldn't do this (or the knife thing) if it wasn't my own house. But if it's the family home this isn't disgusting at all.

Same here. I am late 60s and have survived not washing hands every 5 minutes.

Getting saliva in the juice isn't about passing on germs. The saliva starts the digestion process and the juice or milk goes off quicker. Plus who wants to drink partially digested juice?

Agree.
I thought most people knew excessive hygiene was problematic?

It's certainly linked to a rise in autoimmune conditions

Interestingly since getting a dog my children have outgrown almost all their severe allergies, even ones we were told they would never outgrow.

(I was never overly hygienic but they were c section babies and I know there's a link to that)

I stopped fretting too about hygiene when I caught my daughter licking the bottom of her shoe

I thought we’d realised we have gone too far with everything being super clean and disinfected? That it’s actually good for kids to be exposed to some germs/mud etc?

Also you are living together as a family - and probably kissing your husband so I can’t he worked up about any of those things.

We sometimes put our shoes on the table as the dog eats them!!

The only thing I would be mildly annoyed about is the washing of the fruit - and that is for chemicals rather than dirt. Though I’m sure to remove pesticides they need more than a cursory rinse under the tap. We just buy organic as I can’t be bothered with more than a rinse.

The things I get annoyed with DH about - shoes upstairs on carpets. And when he puts outdoor bags on the bed. I hate bits in my bed.