School residential

[Pops2651]

Hi,
just posting on here for traffic.
I have a nearly 11 year old son who is due to go on his school residential tomorrow for 2 nights.
he has recently been diagnosed with separation anxiety, health anxiety, ptsd and ocd type worries. Without drip feeding, he was seriously ill when he was 7 and then lost his dad shortly after.
this makes it hard for him to be away from me, he still can’t sleep in his own room and even a night down my mums every once in a while causes him a great deal of stress.
we are under CAMHS and he is being referred to a psychologist.
my issue is, he is in two minds about going and it is actually making him ill. I know he will be fine during the day but it’ll be the night time. It’s 3 hours away so I wouldn’t be able to just collect him if he didn’t settle.
im at a loss at what to do, because I know if he doesn’t go he will be stressing all weekend about missing out but then I’m so worried he will make himself ill when he’s there as I don’t think he will settle at all. He was shaking just talking about it this morning and saying he felt like he was going to vomit.
any advice would be massively appreciated. I think this could be life changing for him if he goes but at the same time I know the intensity of his anxiety and I don’t want to make things worse.

thank you xx

What an amazing brave lad! This will really boost his confidence. And however tonight goes he comes back tomorrow.

Only just spotted this this afternoon and I've come back on to root for your DS, it's amazing!
My DS has epilepsy and spent the first night ever this year at camp not sharing with me or dad. (I was there but he shared with other boys)
I can feel your pride from here!

Bloody well done to you both!!

I know I'm just a stranger on the internet but you
should be really proud of both of you!

I just read this thread and was thinking no he shouldn't go, then I continued to read the OP's posts, and how wrong was I! I'm so pleased for you both!

That is amazing he is doing so well, so pleased for you both, sounds a huge step

Very well done him! What a brave little lad. This will do his confidence the world of good.

I think so many people under estimate the impact of losing a parent. He has done so well!

Oh wow!! OP this is amazing. You’ve both been really brave. It sounds like he’s had such a tough time and it’s amazing to read he’s having fun.

incredibly hard decision (you’d have got harsh comments either way from some people!).

These comments have definitely made my weekend easier, thank you so much 💖

well no phone call to say he was unsettled or he wanted to talk to me because he was stressed! I really can’t believe he has done it 😭 I truly believe that this is going to be life changing for him, his anxiety stopped him from doing so much and he’s done the thing he was scared of the most, being away from me and for two night!!

im off to the shops soon, im going to decorate the house with welcome home banners and buy cake 😂 xx

I was in your son’s shoes. The anxiety I experienced going away from home was horrendous. The days leading up to going away I would be in an awful state of panic. Once I went I did it I felt amazing. Well done to your son.

Deleted - DNRT

Don’t do too much op. I know this is a big deal but you also want to down play it and not make too much of a fuss, “well done, I knew you would be able to do this when the time was right”. So not to reinforce his anxiety. If you praise him too much he was right to be anxious in the first place.

Plus he is likely to be knackered! emotionally and physically. Some down time with a film and some popcorn and a chance for him to tell you everything in his own time would be a better option that a big ta-da moment.

Well done Pops and PopsJr! I hope this is a real turning point for your ds’s happiness.

But I suggest you do not do the banners and cake. Let him come home to a quietly familiar house. Your ds may need decompression time if he has been working very hard masking while away. He may have a lot of overwhelm to process.

Celebrate his homecoming with his favourite meal, certainly. I appreciate how delighted you are that your ds has succeeded, but don’t make successfully navigating something normal into something more than it should be. Let him be proud of himself without that pride becoming yet another emotional challenge for him to cope with.

Congratulations 😊

Re the banners and stuff- he loves a fuss and I know he wanted to “celebrate” if he was able to go! I know I sound extra, but this is very him 😂 xx

In every situation like this (been a teacher for 25 years, been on 20+ residentials) where there has been doubt whether the child would cope, they have. If at all possible, I would try to encourage your dc to go. It will be a huge, huge achievement for them.
I’ve been amazed on so many occasions - one child who had never slept anywhere other than her mum’s bed since her dad died, a girl with autism who again, had only ever slept with a parent in the room, a boy with huge anxiety issues who had previously been brought home from family holidays due to panic attacks in an unfamiliar environment…being away with friends can honestly work magic. However, only you know if your child is ready and if they truly, truly can’t manage it at this point then it’s not the end of the world. There will be other opportunities.

Ha! I’ve just spent a while composing that post only to see that he went!!! How amazing - I hope he’s had a wonderful time.

This is such a cute thread. Heart warming ❤️

Im so buzzing for you both! What a success!

Well done him

I hope he enjoys his fuss. It's such a step forward for him, and you. Well done to both of you.

You clearly know your boy 😊 Hope you have a lovely evening.

God love him, this is fantastic! Your heart must be quite wrung out, you poor woman. I’m so happy for you both; what a valiant kid you have.
Bravo, young Pops.

💯 celebrate

HES HOME 🎉🎉
he’s very tired but has enjoyed all the fuss 😂 the first thing he said to me was “I’m so proud of myself because I was really frightened”. And he’s actually enjoyed it!! He’s done things what he would never do in real life and conquered his fear of heights too!

thank you to everyone who has offered words of advice and comfort and for everyone thinking of my boy! It’s really appreciated xx

You're an amazing mum, you your own anxieties aside too to allow your son to push his boundaries and he's flourished. YOU gave him the skills and confidence to do that. Well done Mamma!

Brilliant, a lovely thread with a happy ending, not too many of those around! Well done to both of you.

First time Mumsnet has made me cry. Fabulous updates @Pops2651. Well done to your son.