To think she should’ve offered to help?

[ForFairLilacHare]

I have two children, one in primary school and an 8 month old baby. DS had parents evening this evening so I had asked my mum to if she could look after baby so me and DH could both attend. We were only gone for around 15 minutes as the school is only across the road.

When we returned, we asked my mum is she wanted to staying for dinner. Once we had finished around, she just got up from the table and said she had best get home. She said bye to the children and then just left leaving everything still on the table. As you can imagine, there was quite a bit of mess as DS2 is weaning and had dropped most of his dinner on the floor.

AIBU that she should have offered to help me to clean up or at the very least brought her plate and glass to the sink?

But she was there to help. By babysitting.

Cleanup in your home is you and your husband's job.

You want your mom to stop babysitting, keep on the way you're going. You started a thread to drag her for not taking a plate to the sink after babysitting. Maybe she was fucking tired. Your legs aren't broke.

She did help you out quite a bit. Doesn't take 2 people to clean up after a literal baby or 2 parents to go to parents evening, but she helped you out with that one.

So entitled. Got to be a reverse.

Stop. Whining.

So you found out in hindsight that 2 of you going was completely unnecessary.

the fact that you’ve started this post in the singular, suggests your mum doesn’t normally do this.

so I’m guessing that there’s a connection between the first paragraph, something being said to your mum, her taking offence to whatever it was that upset her, to cause her to rush off. I don’t know - guessing here - ‘mum I need urgent help, can you come babysit Monday’ ‘yes, of course’ - mum moves important stuff about to accommodate this. Travels there, does it. Ten minutes later ‘well that was a waste of time two of us going.’ Mum ‘ffs’.

Previous parents evenings, I have gone on my own. However, my mum was saying at the weekend that she’d like to see the boys one night as she’s busy the next few weekends.
I asked if she wanted to come today and that way DH could go as well as he’d never been to one before. I’m fully aware that both parents do not need to go but as my mum wanted to see the boys anyway, it just seemed like a good opportunity.
She was looking forward to coming and had called this morning to see what time I wanted her to come etc. She actually came earlier to spend more time with baby.
This is definitely not a situation where she was pressured into babysitting.
My eldest is 6 and she has only ever babysat a handful of times in all these years so it not like to take advantage of her at all.

Yes!! (and then having unload the dirty dishes and reload the dishwasher so it makes sense and is correct!)

Erm here, this is when you said it -

As you can imagine, there was quite a bit of mess as DS2 is weaning and had dropped most of his dinner on the floor.
AIBU that she should have offered to help me to clean up

I daresay your mum feels she has done enough washing up for you over the years. Not to mention washing, ironing, cooking, turning up for parents' evenings etc.

Please see my update, she wanted to see my boys one night this week. We suggested today so DH could go to one for once. Other nights wouldn’t have worked at DS1 has clubs etc

Where does it say/allude to the mother expecting to be looked after? Seems like the daughter expects that from her mother for herself and her children!

Definitely my mum would have helped or done it for me to deal with bedtime etc, it’s not another guest , it’s your Mum. I’d help too especially in the evening. Weird replies

You’re lying so that you can minimise your Mum’s efforts. I don’t care but you’re deflecting and hyper focusing on small details because almost everyone disagrees with your attitude towards your Mum.

I’m a shit guest but you’re a shit daughter. I know which I would rather be.

It would suggest you go low contact with this abomination of an uncle

But this is your own mum, who you're close enough to for her to pop round and babysit! Why the expectation of so much formality?

She might not have felt that great for whatever reason, and her main priority was getting home as soon as she could.

I’m not really sure what the problem is?
It’s like, if there’s been a lunch or leaving party at work.
Everyone at least offers to help before they just go home. It’s basic etiquette. Even if you’re tired or feel like you have done enough already.
it’s rude to just not offer at all

it’s a formality to expect someone would at least just say ‘do you need me to do anything before I get off?’

It's basic etiquette to clean up your own kid's messes.

When someone does you a big favour, it's the norm to thank them and send them on their way having done something nice for them in return, not try to get even more work out of them.

Nope, it’s not enough anymore apparently. 21+ years of sacrifice and putting our needs second. A few years break and then we have to do it all again with the Grandchildren.

Yes! Why should she offer this. She’s already given her travel and time to do you a favour now you’re expecting her to clear up after your family as well.

This is a wind up surely, no one can be this petty and ungrateful.

I would never expect a guest to help clear up. Maybe taking her plate to the sink but not cleaning up the floor/table or washing up. You’d have had to do that if she hadn’t stayed for dinner anyway. I can’t imagine she made a mess other than her plate!

Eh? It's your mum, she'd just helped you out baby sitting. YABVU. Very strange approach.

That was instilled into me as a child back in the day