I didn’t let my husband eat the meatballs, AIBU?

[dancebabybee]

My husband is an incredibly fussy eater. Basically, he will only eat beige foods and sugar. This makes going out to eat very difficult as well as cooking for him at home. There have been times in restaurants when he will complain there is NOTHING he likes on the menu (despite the menu being extensive) and he ends up eating a bread basket. I am giving you this history as it is important for what happened this evening…

I made meatballs, tomato ragu and spaghetti for dinner. Due to my husbands extreme fussy eating, I don’t usually cook for him and he is left to sort himself out. Me and the children had this for dinner. When I went into the kitchen afterwards, he had started picking at the sauce left in the pan, scooping the meatballs out, scraping the tomatoes and sauce off. I asked him whether he wanted me to make him some pasta, he said no he just wanted to eat the meatballs. I told him to please not, as it will just leave a load of sauce that nobody will want to eat without meatballs in it, and I wanted to save the spare for lunch or dinner tomorrow. He then got annoyed about this and sulked off…

AIBU?

I wouldn't be able to be with someone who was that picky without any medical reasons. Major ick.

massive ick at male fussy eaters

This level of restriction does sound like ARFID. But having ARFID and being an inconsiderate cock are not mutually exclusive. I agree with pp's who have said they'd be delighted if their ARFID kids did this and so would i, apart from the fingers. But he's a grown man. If he has an issue its his job to find support. Not OPs to cook extra food just in case he finds something safe spontaneously.

If he'd said - you know I really find it hard to eat different textures but I think i could manage this, would you mind, and taken them out with a fork that would be completely different.

I genuinely could not put up with this.

he is being an appalling example as a parent if he is unwilling to tackle this and teach himself to tolerate/ get used to and enjoy a wider range of foods

it's absolutely gross and selfish standing and picking bits out of a nice meal someone cooked when he is compltely unwilling to join in and be part of a family - cooking/ eating together/ being part of a normal healthy family dynamic.

I could absolutely not be married to someone like this and honestly OP I think he needs therapy - if it's just laziness and a shit diet, please don't let him keep doing this - he is opting out of normal family life as well its just really horrible.

If he has arfid he could seek treatment and he could also meal plan - as a grown man - so that he could sit and eat with his family and take part in meals. If he likes meatballs he could have ensured he did eat some of the mal with his family.

Just living how he lives and not making the slightest effort to change is just really really unattractive and selfish.

He is delegating the feeding of his kids and setting a proper example of how to eat to his wife - then just grabbing bits of food when he feels like it .

TOTAL ICK.

For me you are either okay with him eating the meatballs or not. You can’t be both like it’s only okay if he eats it how you think he should!

She offered it with pasta because that would make a full meal! Without pasta: 6 meatballs for a man. With pasta: 3 or 4 meatballs for him, 2 or 3 leftover for lunch with mash or new boiled pasta. Why is this so difficult to understand?!

wow very controlling. let him eat the meatballs if he wants. You're supposed to love him, he's your husband. it's just a bit of tomato sauce that might be wasted. what a thing to be uptight about!

He doesn’t do what I would consider cooking. Meals are either take aways or freezer food or ready meals.

Am I? Yes perhaps i am but at least he’s partaking of the family meal, albeit in a different room.

So not just beige food then?

Good. He can't just pick out what he wants as if he is three. Tell him to eat what is put in front of him or cook for himself all the time. I wouldn't go out to dinner with someone who only ate the breadbasket. How intolerably arrogant.

Think you’ve got the patience of a saint OP

I don’t think anyone would consider putting a ready meal in the microwave, or ordering in, or putting frozen food in the oven, “cooking”. Honestly OP, you can’t let yourself be treated like this by your partner. He’s supposed to be your equal, not another child to pander to or look after or scold even.

What makes you think he does not have an eating disorder? Have you ever observed him to eat a normal meal? From the way you describe them, his eating habits are far more restricted than standard fussy eating and are abnormal, antisocial and extremely unhealthy. In other words, if he doesn’t have a mental health condition to explain it, then he’s a complete and utter arsehole who deserves no sympathy. He is supposed to prepare his own awful food, not completely ruin other people’s meals…

He sounds a nightmare!
what made you think marrying this idiot and having kids with him?????
he sounds like hard work!

This is a man who either eats bread or takeaways because he whinges about the food OP cooks for the rest of the family. He wasn’t catered for because he always rejects OP’s food. We’re not talking about Oliver Twist.

If he’d ordered takeaway pizza and left 3 slices for his lunch tomorrow, how happy would he be about OP or the children picking through his pizza and just leaving him the crusts?

A pan of leftover meatballs isn’t destined for the bin - with the sauce and fresh pasta , it might be enough for tomorrow’s lunch for OP and the kids. Him picking out and scraping the meatballs is pretty unhygienic, and it also means OP then cooking again unnecessarily while H continues to do none of his fair share.

This is way beyond “fussy” eating, it’s extremely disordered and impacting on the whole family, as well as ruining his health.

I really do not think he has an eating disorder. I’ve spoken to his parents and they both say he used to eat anything until he moved out and went to uni, he then realised he could eat whatever he wanted so ended up living on shite which has just continued to present day.

I read this and wondered are you my husband’s secret wife?

There can’t be two “I’ll just order the bread” grown ass, PITA, picky eaters out there. My husband is exactly the same and has indeed just sat there with a bread basket. He exists mainly on beige food, will only eat boneless meat, nothing spicier than a boiled carrot and absolutely nothing in a sauce.

It’s the sort of stunt he’d pull. I have no wise words only solidarity. I tried to let him fetch for himself but left to his own devices he will only eat crap or sandwiches/plain bread. So now I’m pretty much a short order chef for him and our child who is borderline ARFID and at times I’m cooking 3 different meals a night.

Adore the man but yes it gives me the proper ick. Drives me up the wall that the only restaurants we can go to have to serve burger and chips because that’s the only thing he’ll ever order.

Picking at food that others want to eat is grim. BUT assuming you still want to live with him and you are cooking anyway can you: Make enough for everyone plus some for leftovers (so you are only cooking once with one set of ingredients). Serve his portion (with all the sauce etc) on one plate with a spare plate next to it. Then he can crack on picking out the chicken/meatballs and putting them on spare plate, leaving a small pile of discarded gunk which can be binned (food compost?) and, as it's only his portion, won't be as wasteful. Then the rest left in the pan (unpicked at) can be leftovers. No seconds for him - (and he can eat alone because he sounds revolting, tbh).

Sounds awful. I couldn’t be with a man with such awful eating habits. He’s selfish and lazy to pick out the bits he wants from a meal you’ve cooked for you and your children. Tell him to stop picking at your food. He either eats the same meal properly with the rest of the family or gets his own meal. Absolutely no picking at the leftovers you’ve saved for tomorrow’s meals.

The waste would absolutely piss me off. He'd have been under the patio long since!

"He keeps moaning he wants to lose weight too but won’t touch a vegetable or fruit."
I would have perfected my deathstare at his moaning. You have the patience of a saint.

You are being unreasonable because you should be covering him with the ragu.

I'd have agreed he could eat them because it's not beige food so extending his diet. Plus you'd let him have them if he ate pasta with them so no one could have had them for lunch then anyway so you don't make much sense. Plus surely he's as entitled to a portion of meatballs as the rest of the family whether he eats pasta with them or not is immaterial. YABU.