I didn’t let my husband eat the meatballs, AIBU?

[dancebabybee]

My husband is an incredibly fussy eater. Basically, he will only eat beige foods and sugar. This makes going out to eat very difficult as well as cooking for him at home. There have been times in restaurants when he will complain there is NOTHING he likes on the menu (despite the menu being extensive) and he ends up eating a bread basket. I am giving you this history as it is important for what happened this evening…

I made meatballs, tomato ragu and spaghetti for dinner. Due to my husbands extreme fussy eating, I don’t usually cook for him and he is left to sort himself out. Me and the children had this for dinner. When I went into the kitchen afterwards, he had started picking at the sauce left in the pan, scooping the meatballs out, scraping the tomatoes and sauce off. I asked him whether he wanted me to make him some pasta, he said no he just wanted to eat the meatballs. I told him to please not, as it will just leave a load of sauce that nobody will want to eat without meatballs in it, and I wanted to save the spare for lunch or dinner tomorrow. He then got annoyed about this and sulked off…

AIBU?

I wouldn't say he's as entitled as the rest of the family when the agreement is he sorts his own food out because he's so fussy.

Going to against the grain here - sounds like you do not cook for him normally, which is fine obviously.

But also means you could have spared him one meal, he could have just had the meatballs and you could have thrown the sauce away.

It's just a meal. I'd give a meal to a stranger.

I'm sure his eating choices are as annoying af, but you chose to marry him knowing this about him.

If you truly begrudge him a single meal you have some very deep problems in your marriage.

He sounds like a right p in the a. Setting a great example for your children if you have any. Spoilt childish behavior, I don’t know how you live with someone like this. But hey ho, maybe you give him a break in the food department because he’s fabulous in other areas.

Sounds like an eating disorder to me. Eating nothing but beige food, sugary food and everything else you’ve described about his eating habits is disordered eating. It’s not normal.
It makes my dad’s dreadful diet look almost ok by comparison.

Personally, I think you're being ridiculously inflexible here.

The left over (meatball free) sauce just gets incorporated in the next dish you make. Or I would be happy with pasta and tomato sauce with some cheese grated over as a light lunch.
Similarly with your (now chicken free) peppers and onions - just add them to tomorrow's meal as a side dish or incorporate in a stew. And the leftover fish sauce (and potato?) could be turned into a delicious cauliflower bake.

I think you're choosing to be unnecessarily annoyed about food waste because you are pissed off about his picky eating. I agree it IS annoying and sets a bad example to your kids. Maybe that's what you need to address with him?

Yep. I think she was punishing him for being annoying about his food. Which doesn't augur well for the marriage.

Sounds like he has a bad diet, so I'd have let him have the meatballs on this occasion.

My exH turned into a horrifically fussy eater. You have my utmost sympathy. I also used to just cook for myself. Nothing else you can do, really. It was boring, cooking and eating by myself, frequently. But he would often be fasting. I'm pretty sure he developed orthorexia. The entire thing was depressing and meant that we didn't have the bonding social ritual of cooking/eating together. If you feel that his fussiness extends into mental health issues, you could suggest therapy.

Oh, when I wrote about letting him have the meatballs above, I hadn't read all your replies and didn't realise that he made a habit of picking out the meat/fish from dishes that you'd made. Once, I would be annoyed but happy that he'd had some protein. But no, you can't go round picking the good bits out of a dish. Is he twelve?? I would be seriously annoyed if he was prone to this. If he can't just eat the damn meal as a meal, then he absolutely does have MH issues around food, although you say he doesn't. This is very disordered behaviour around food.

It's attitudes like this that cause eating disorders. It's not for you to judge what is or isn't acceptable around eating. Also, creating an obligation to 'sit down and eat together' is totally irrational. People are entitled to make their own choices around food and eating. Not everyone enjoys eating - I only eat because I have to, I've never actively enjoyed it. That's just how I am and I'm a healthy weight and hate people making me feel pressured about it.

I did deal with that shit, because he turned into a severely fussy eater ten years in. He wasn't like that before. I'm never living with a fussy eater again (although it was the least of his disturbing behaviour).

It's not irrational. Sitting down to eat together is how social bonding occurs.

There are loads of ways to bond that don't involve food.

In a latter comment the Op said I suppose my annoyance comes from years of this and the food waste. If we have fajitas, for example, he will eat all the chicken out of the pan, leaving only peppers. These then end up being thrown out as nobody wants a plate of peppers the following day. I made a fish pie earlier in the week and he picked out all the fish. It means food gets wasted that could be eaten as another meal the following day.

So it's not a single meal, I'd be annoyed about it too.

His eating habits are disordered; he has an eating disorder. An eating disorder can develop at any age. He may not have had an issue in the past, but he clearly does now.

Ah yes, I missed that, sorry.

Just to add to my comment earlier because I reread and maybe it was a bit blunt. I understand that most people enjoy eating and the rituals around it etc - and I know I am the odd one out because for me eating is very transactional. I really wish I got the same joy and satisfaction from it as most people do but I don't. I just find people often don't get this and create pressure around food and eating which isn't necessary. If someone is fussy or isn't enthusiastic about food, making them feel judged or uncomfortable about it doesn't help anything and I think it's important to try and respect that, even if it seems strange to you.

Maybe, but humans have used food and mealtimes to bond since forever. It's part of who we are as a species.

Oh, absolutely. I felt like I was living with a fussy teen girl instead of my husband. Sexy it was not.

Yes, but not all humans are the same. Just because most people feel or enjoy something, it doesn't mean everyone does.

I couldn't marry a fussy eater. I'm fact I dated one and it gave me the ick. It's also got to be so bad for long term health.

These men will do anything but go to therapy for their issues

She said he has a habit of doing this, picking all the chicken out of the pan when she makes fajitas, and picking all the fish out of the fish pie.

She shouldn't have to be often re purposing the leftovers into another kind of meal when if he left it alone and just made himself a portion of protein the meal would be fine the next day.

It's tedious enough always being the one to plan what's for dinner without having to think about it twice and wonder what you can do with the leftovers and then possibly having to go to the shop the next day to buy yourself a cauliflower!!

Your attitude gives me the ick. Narrow minded, and lacks empathy.

She made enough for herself and the kids to have dinner today and tomorrow. This would save her the chore of deciding on, preparing, cooking, and washing up after a whole new meal tomorrow.

If he wasn't such a fussy eater, she would probably have made enough for everyone for at least one day and possibly for two.

What he did was take out the filling part of the meal that was supposed to feed the rest of his family the next day. He's selfish and entitled.

Not everyone considers producing a nightly meal for a family a hobby that makes their life complete.

It's not narrow minded, and people whose fussy eating causes problems for others should seek the help they need to get over themselves.