I didn’t let my husband eat the meatballs, AIBU?

[dancebabybee]

My husband is an incredibly fussy eater. Basically, he will only eat beige foods and sugar. This makes going out to eat very difficult as well as cooking for him at home. There have been times in restaurants when he will complain there is NOTHING he likes on the menu (despite the menu being extensive) and he ends up eating a bread basket. I am giving you this history as it is important for what happened this evening…

I made meatballs, tomato ragu and spaghetti for dinner. Due to my husbands extreme fussy eating, I don’t usually cook for him and he is left to sort himself out. Me and the children had this for dinner. When I went into the kitchen afterwards, he had started picking at the sauce left in the pan, scooping the meatballs out, scraping the tomatoes and sauce off. I asked him whether he wanted me to make him some pasta, he said no he just wanted to eat the meatballs. I told him to please not, as it will just leave a load of sauce that nobody will want to eat without meatballs in it, and I wanted to save the spare for lunch or dinner tomorrow. He then got annoyed about this and sulked off…

AIBU?

If you make 4 cheese sandwiches, 3 for now and one for tomorrow's packed lunch, and your DH comes and picks the cheese out of the 4th sandwich - you'd be okay with that?

There's no "dictating" going on here. There's a selfish git who takes the protein for himself and leaves the veg and carbs - and I bet he doesn't even think or care about what happens to them, or what anyone else is going to eat for their lunch tomorrow now that he's picked the protein out. He's just selfish. Either eat with the family or don't, he's allowed that choice. He can't literally pick bits out of other people's food! Can't believe the people defending this.

I couldn't stand that - I'd find it so childish and self-indulgent. Eating is about making sure you get a good balance of nutrients, not having only what you fancy, and kids need to see that from their parents.

Ick

I agree, it's just too uphill all the time- I plan , shop for and cook all meals I'm not going to put up with fussy as well.

I came here to see if this was a euphemism! 🍝

You shouldn't feel mean, it's clearly a waste of food - particularly if you'd earmarked it for a meal. If he'd said in advance that he'd like some meatballs, presumably you would have made a portion for him but if the routine is that he usually cooks for himself then it's completely on him that he missed out.

I don’t plan, shop or cook for him. He does that himself. I stopped bothering because he wouldn’t eat the food I cooked or would slag parts of it off. Now he does his own which is either ordering a take away or he will have a baguette or bread.

I absolutely could not be married to this giant man-baby. The thought of walking into the kitchen to find my husband stood over the pan scraping tomato off meatballs would make me never want to have sex with him again. It's massively unattractive! Let alone a terrible example to your children, selfish and a massive waste of money on both takeaways and general food waste.

Does he have any redeeming qualities OP?!

Honestly with every update he sounds more and more self centred rather than fussy.

Yes. Just buy more meatballs tomorrow !

Is he fussy or just wants the best bits?! The picking through it and just leaving the peppers is out of order. I would decline to cook for him and stop him picking through other people’s lunches.

Fussy eaters are often so dramatic and performative e.g. just eating the break basket at a restaurant

I love threads like this! Full of utter madness.

YANBU op. You cook separately due to his extreme fussiness. This means he has different food to the rest of you, not different food plus the bits he thinks he can tolerate from yours leaving you without the leftovers you had catered for.

Next time he's cooking his chicken nuggets or whatever, just stand and eat them off the oven tray in front of him.

You are, inadvertently, shopping and cooking for him when he takes some of the food like that. YANBU. It's incredibly selfish to destroy everyone's food like that. If he doesn't want to eat the whole dish then he doesn't get any of it.

I love threads like this! Full of utter madness.

YANBU op. You cook separately due to his extreme fussiness. This means he has different food to the rest of you, not different food plus the bits he thinks he can tolerate from yours leaving you without the leftovers you had catered for.

Next time he's cooking his chicken nuggets or whatever, just stand and eat them off the oven tray in front of him.

Pick the chicken out of the nuggets and leave the edges

Why can’t he cook his own meatballs?

If that was his portion left then of course he should be able to eat the meatballs and leave the pasta. I’ve never made anybody eat what they don’t want or clear their plates as I feel this leads to problems. Luckily I don't have fussy eaters though, well except for my DD suddenly deciding she doesn’t like spicy food!

Effort required?

I took it that it was his portion but with your sandwich analogy I’d agree with you but I do this it is a different situation, I can see myself eating the pasta and sauce and leaving the meatballs, but I’d have already served them to the others so there’d be no waste. Maybe she could have served the others extra pasta and sauce leaving the home made meatballs for him to eat how he wanted?

I find some of the attitudes women on here have about their partners, interesting to say the last. He’s an adult. He only likes certain foods. If he wants to eat just the meatballs in his own house who TF cares. I’d be raging if someone tried to tell me what I can and can’t eat. If I fancied meatballs, I’d be eating them too, content in the knowledge we’d sort something out and it wasn’t the end of the world. If there now aren’t meatballs for tomorrow, one of you gets something else in. So the ‘meal plan’ has to change, so what.

but she offered it to him with pasta? so how was he going to have it with pasta but also she has it for lunch? she was happy for it not to be her lunch the next day if she could decided what he ate it with today. It’s weird.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. It's selfish and rude of him and now you know it. I have a fussy ish son...so I make his world easy as I can within reason....if the reason is ever because I want to then my tolerance plummets. Cannot be doing with it. If you are fussy and you're an adult then you can sort out yourself. No cherry picking, no ifs bo buts.

But if he wanted just meatballs then why didn't he say?

Presumably he also ate whatever he usually does as well.

It was leftovers

let the poor man have some balls

This is somewhere between.

If there is a family meal, he should have a chance to declare he wants his portion of the chicken, but isn't really interested in the peppers. You can than cook with an adjusted ratio (a bit less peppers), so he can just get some chicken on his plate (only his portion, not more) without ruining the leftover mix.

Similarly, it would be better to count with a few meatballs for him, not portion it evenly and then be annoyed.

No-one says you need to cook separately for him, but counting with his preference within the meal would be a nice thing and potentially allow to eat together.