I didn’t let my husband eat the meatballs, AIBU?

[dancebabybee]

My husband is an incredibly fussy eater. Basically, he will only eat beige foods and sugar. This makes going out to eat very difficult as well as cooking for him at home. There have been times in restaurants when he will complain there is NOTHING he likes on the menu (despite the menu being extensive) and he ends up eating a bread basket. I am giving you this history as it is important for what happened this evening…

I made meatballs, tomato ragu and spaghetti for dinner. Due to my husbands extreme fussy eating, I don’t usually cook for him and he is left to sort himself out. Me and the children had this for dinner. When I went into the kitchen afterwards, he had started picking at the sauce left in the pan, scooping the meatballs out, scraping the tomatoes and sauce off. I asked him whether he wanted me to make him some pasta, he said no he just wanted to eat the meatballs. I told him to please not, as it will just leave a load of sauce that nobody will want to eat without meatballs in it, and I wanted to save the spare for lunch or dinner tomorrow. He then got annoyed about this and sulked off…

AIBU?

how is everyone missing this man child was scraping sauce of a meatball? Was he using a spoon or his finger? How do you even scrape sauce off a meatball. The act in itself is so icky.

That would drive me nuts OP! I don’t blame you for telling him off.

Agree, I'm a fussy eater and my DH loves finding me trying the foods he cooks (that I normally wouldn't eat), our DD also has ARFID and when she wants to try something new, it's like a celebration in our house!

I'm finding this thread very sad on how OP treated her DH & how hated fussy eaters are by MN.

EXACTLY! It’s revolting 🤢 and incredibly self centred. And also just flipping weird.

You are not mean. He is a selfish and inconsiderate man.

YANBU.

So, it's not a one off, it's a pattern of behaviour that he picks at usable leftovers until they become unusable/won't be eaten. That's not acceptable at all and is selfish and wasteful.

I would be annoyed by the fact that he's taking the best part for himself and leaving just the sauce and vegetables for the rest of you, or more realistically creating waste and more work for you since you'd have to prepare new food rather than have an easy leftover meal.

If he has such particular tastes I would suggest making extra meat on the side for him and then telling him that once that's gone, the rest is off limits if he's going to just pick through it. Or he can start preparing meals for himself. Batch cook and freeze together so that it's easier to prepare something he's willing to eat.

Edited to add... I missed that he actually does usually take care of his own food. In that case I would just carry on as you have been. If he has certain foods that you make that he would be willing to eat, I wouldn't mind preparing a few extra meatballs, chicken pieces, etc just for him, but he is unreasonable to ruin perfectly good leftovers or sabotage your cooking by taking the protein out for himself on top of what he would normally make and eat for himself.

Ick

From your update he doesn't actually sound fussy he just sounds incredibly self centred.

If we have fajitas, for example, he will eat all the chicken out of the pan

Sounds as if he is selfish rather than fussy!

YANBU

It was a meal and then it wasn't, or it wouldn't have been if he'd been able to carry on. He may not see it like that but that's the truth.

But if he’d eaten the sauce too, as the OP would apparently have been happy for him to do, then there wouldn’t have been any leftovers for the next day either. Whether the sauce goes into his tummy or into the bin, it’s no longer available for anyone to eat.

It’s like the OP is punishing him for not eating the way she thinks he should, by withholding the part of the meal he actually wants. And, as much as being married to a fussy eater would drive me nuts, this is not the way mature adults should treat each other.

Nah, this would annoy me quickly as well. I hate food waste. DP is relatively fussy too and we end up eating pretty much the same rotation because I can never risk anything new with him (he’s ND though I’ll give him that).

I would say YABU if it was going in the bin regardless, but if it was food you were going to use for lunch next day, then he needed to stay off the meatballs and sort it out himself.

It’s him not wanting the pasta that would piss me off. He obviously likes it for OP to offer to make it for him so why did he decline it? Probably because he wanted to just eat the best bit, the meat, as a snack. So instead of him having meatballs and pasta as a meal he has meatballs as a snack then later makes himself some tea. So now the OP has to make something else for her dinner tomorrow and the sauce gets wasted. YANBU!

I am shocked by the amount of people who think the sauce without the meatballs should be binned as useless.

But then it wouldn’t have been wasted, he would have just eaten the meal.

The way he wanted he’d be eating bits of a meal that could have just been used by someone else, who would then presumably have to sort out a full meal instead of just bits like he’s happy to have.

DH is absolutely ridiculous and should be making his own meals. A fully grown adult should not be forcing their food issues onto others and expecting others to cater to him. Unless he has some sort of diagnosed disorder, this is just childish, attention seeking behaviour on his part.

100% this, double helping of concrete. I wouldn't tolerate it from my children, and I sure as well wouldn't tolerate it from my husband. But yes, I wouldn't have married someone like that in the first place.

OP, you are not at all BU.

Yes exactly, and why have so many people missed the fact that he creates a lot of extra work for OP?

You’re making it sound like he’s a toddler, he’s a grown man. She should get him a carton of smoothie so at least he’s getting his fruit!

I would be annoyed by someone picking at stuff that is ment to be shared by people later.

Generally I wouldnt mind him eating the meatballs if he plated them up and left the sauce untouched.

OP, if he asked whether he can have some meatballs, would that have been acceptable? What is it that set you off - the fact he picked at your food, the fact there were no meatballs left, him being generally annoying, ...?

Because she's the one doing the cooking!

F off. She said he cooks for himself. People arent funny by choice. There are typical very goid reasons people are fussy. Like undiagnosed autism.

I am fucking mortified at the amount of women on this thread are advising the OP to treat this grown man like a toddler. I just can't deal with how some of you live.

The word "let" initially got my back up, but once I read on, I totally understand. He sounds extremely annoying. It's the mess and the behaving like an overgrown toddler which would give me a huge ick.