I didn’t let my husband eat the meatballs, AIBU?

[dancebabybee]

My husband is an incredibly fussy eater. Basically, he will only eat beige foods and sugar. This makes going out to eat very difficult as well as cooking for him at home. There have been times in restaurants when he will complain there is NOTHING he likes on the menu (despite the menu being extensive) and he ends up eating a bread basket. I am giving you this history as it is important for what happened this evening…

I made meatballs, tomato ragu and spaghetti for dinner. Due to my husbands extreme fussy eating, I don’t usually cook for him and he is left to sort himself out. Me and the children had this for dinner. When I went into the kitchen afterwards, he had started picking at the sauce left in the pan, scooping the meatballs out, scraping the tomatoes and sauce off. I asked him whether he wanted me to make him some pasta, he said no he just wanted to eat the meatballs. I told him to please not, as it will just leave a load of sauce that nobody will want to eat without meatballs in it, and I wanted to save the spare for lunch or dinner tomorrow. He then got annoyed about this and sulked off…

AIBU?

God you deserve a Damehood for putting up with that shit. How do you not "clamp shut", to coin a MN phrase?! He certainly cannot pick the meat out of his kids' and wife's dinner. Hell no. On a serious note, is he not interested in any sort of therapy to overcome this food issue?

Last man like this l was involved with, we ended up with separate lives and l have never looked back! The fussing and contrariness got too wearing. I couldn’t have thrown children in the mix

It was a complete meal in itself. He would be offered the entire meal or go without. Don’t get to pick out the best bits, you are served it all and eat it all. What a brat. Let him sulk.

But if he wants the meatballs, why doesnt he sit down and eat with the family?
If I were the OP I’d ask if he wanted the fish/chicken/meatballs before the meal, and then put away the leftovers quickly.

This would give me major ick. Not a chance would I want to be in a relationship with such a man child. I honestly don’t know how you put up with it.

Surely he deserved a portion of meatballs as a member of the household

It is not illogical to hope that someone who is an arsehole about food might actually be willing to have a normal meal on this occasion, and to be willing to facilitate that, but not to tolerate him continuing to eat abnormally and unhealthily whilst simultaneously ruining a well-balanced meal a normal person would have enjoyed. Unfortunately, whether he has an eating disorder or is just an arsehole, either way, his behaviour makes him a pita, unhealthy and an atrociously bad example for his children. Imvho, he should get medical help and not expect others to pretend his aberrant behaviour is tolerable in the long term.

Has anybody diagnosed a syndrome yet?

He never cooks for the family so no, he does not. He does not eat with the family. He ruins meals my eating out fish from fish pie. Why should OP have to cook the next day again because he ate the main part of dinner?

I knew a bloke sounds like this. Younger than me. Now ex-friend (he was an enthusiastic Farage fan, I had to back away). Only ate beige food & sweet stuff. A couple of times, then both in 70's, we went on hol (just as friends, his gf didn't like package hols) & he always picked all-beige, fried stuff & 'unadorned' meat from the buffet. He was overweight/obese & diabetic. He's now developed dementia to the extent he'll probably have to move to residential care quite soon. Maybe all those things are unrelated? Maybe.

That's not how food prep works in this household. He sorts himself out because he couldn't be trusted not to be rude about the meals OP made, and leaves her to do all the rest of the cooking for the kids.

But if you know he will eat plain fish, chicken, meatballs etc I don’t understand why you (if it’s you doing the cooking) don’t just buy and cook a portion for him at the same time as as you make the fancier version for you and the children. It would be very little trouble to bung them in the oven / microwave / air fryer. Or cook extra fish/meatballs in your own dish and leave his portion for him to either eat completely or pick out the bits he wants.

He does sound very irritating, though.

Perhaps you could take a different approach. Say that it is great that he wants to eat your food, and you would be happy to make him some without the sauce. And maybe do that, so he's getting healthier food and maybe eating with the family, and there is less waste...

if he says no, then eats meatballs anyway you can then say you offered to make them for him and it's unreasonable for him to turn you down and then take it from the pan and waste the sauce.

Eating disorder or not, the point is that DH is making his food issues everyone else's problem. He is a fully grown adult (allegedly) who should be preparing his own meals, and not making more work for OP. He needs to stop using any sort of disorder as an excuse for bad behaviour.

The sauce would be nice with pasta the next day. It doesn't have to have meat in it.

Not eating any fruit or veg at all certainly is disordered eating, if not actually ARFID. Does he have any understanding of health or nutrition at all, or that he's increasing his risk of cancer, diabetes, heart disease, early death etc? If he used to eat everything and can tolerate meatballs with a bit of sauce left on it seems like really weird behaviour. What does he say about it himself?

OP has said that nobody in her house would want it with no meatballs and she'd need to cook again, so evidently there's nobody in the house who agrees with you on that one. At least one person in my house would finish a meatless ragu sauce, so wouldn't go to waste here either. But what matters is whether anyone in OPs house would want it. And DH either knows this or should, as it's pretty basic information about his own children's food preferences.

I work in a daycare and even the preschoolers understand why it's not ok to pick all of the delicious sausage bits out of the stew and leave none for anyone else. Your DH sounds like a child!

HRTFT but just OP posts.

so to be clear, you two shop and cook separately, but having noticed you’d done the work for two meals for you and the kids, your H started eating the best bits from what was left, meaning more shopping and prep for you?

Not ok. Either you are doing food separately so he leaves yours alone, or if he wants to be catered for he sits and eats the food that is prepared. This waste would do my head in too, honestly. Because likely he’s eating other food as well as the meatballs/ fish from fish pie/ chicken from fajitas, so he’s doubling the cost of feeding the family as well as doubling the work for OP.

I like some dishes better than others but I realise that cooking is mostly a chore so instead of occasionally complaining I encourage my wife and praise whatever arrives. I just focus on the next meal which by the law of averages will very likely be more to my taste. I was brought up to finish what was on my plate and that habit is hard to shake.

YANBU at all

It’s totally unreasonable to try to pick the “best bits” - usually the protein - out of any meal, leaving someone else with the less appealing bits.

That was your lunch he was picking at, and you were kind to offer to make him some pasta to go with a balanced helping of the sauce, bearing in mind you hadn’t factored in him having any.

Obviously if he normally ate the same as the rest of the family, you’d have made some for him too. You might even have made him some plain meatballs if he’d asked.

What is not Ok is him just picking all the value you of something you’d made and earmarked for your lunch.

This really!

It’s very disrespectful of him to keep on doing it in that case!

Does he not realise that a meal can’t be “best
bits”/ most expensive bits but has to be balanced? Does he not realise that doing this means you have to cook again when you wouldn’t otherwise have had to?

Or does he think it’s fine for other people to just have the bits that aren’t good enough for him? Including the person who bloomin well cooked it!

Could you in future make him the protein part and just leave out of the sauce eg a bit of the chicken kept to one side but not in the fajita and some naked meatballs? That way he can keep his paws off the ‘proper’ food and not be so annoying!’

Yanbu. If he wanted just meatballs, he can cook just meatballs, and not ruin your lunch.