Am I being mean sending my child to preschool on my non working days ?

[Sleepingworries]

Just wondering if I’m being a mean mum here as other peoples assumptions have made me worry.

I work 3 days a week and my ILs look after my toddler while I’m at work. My toddler is now old enough for preschool and I’ve booked my toddler into preschool on my 2 non working days. This just means I get a
bit of a break, time for me so I can do things like go to the gym.

When I’ve been telling people about my child starting preschool, the majority have assumed that it will be on the days I’m working and look quite shocked when I say it’s the days I’m off.

It’s now making me question if I’m being selfish by having those days to myself ? Am I doing something unusual ?

I think its really sad / strange to have the opportunity to have days off with your child and send them off to have two full days to yourself. I'd never give up that precious time with my children. 2 full days to yourself seems excessive and embarrassing that the grandparents are spending more time with your child then you are through the week when you have the opportunity too?!

Haven’t voted as it’s a tricky one. I would perhaps talk to ils and ask what they would like and then maybe split 50:50 . That way you can enjoy doing something nice with your DC one day but still get a break and they get a break too.

3 days a week with aging in laws is a lot, especially when not necessary. They probably offered childcare in the first place so you could go to work and pay bills. If I was your in law I’d be quite annoyed I was doing childcare while you had some me time. Can you split it between you all?

This is so bizarre. Why work part time with a young kid and put them in full time childcare? Just to sit around doing nothing? Why not either work full time or spend time with your baby?

As a mum and a pre school worker I don’t think there is anything wrong with this, however I would judge you if you sent them in on their birthday. I hate that in nursery the parents have the day off and still send them in just enjoy your child while they are not having birthdays at school!

Out of interest, since you said you would be annoyed - would you not have said anything when OP said she planned to send the DC on her non-work days? (Not meaning to pick on you, as other people have said similar things, but your post just popped up and I’m interested in the answer)

I totally agree with you but it’s not just about birthdays or special occasions, surely you’d want to spend some time during the week with your child where you just enjoy the ordinary, every day with them before they’re at school and you can’t do that anymore. I don’t think whether or not the in-laws mind doing the 3 days is an issue tbh, the OP should want to spend some time with her child

How does this argument apply to mothers that want to work full time, not just for the money but because they enjoy their job?

It sounds like your working days are too busy for you to go to gym and husband is at golf on weekends so yeah when else are you gonna get to go to gym. Exercise is super important

@millit

you never heard of weekends??

Yes, and why doesn’t the weekend count? If OP happened to have Wednesday off and so did her DH, would people be saying “don’t you want to take a different day off so you get one to one time during the week with your DC”? What difference does it make? It sounds like the DH goes out at the weekend anyway playing golf so she gets one to one time then.

You told your in-laws what you are doing and they didn’t object! Surely what you meant to say is, you told your in laws that you appreciate what they do and that they won’t need to have the children so often as you are putting them in childcare to give them a break. And then you work whilst they are in nursery.
I can’t believe the cheek that you would expect someone else to have your children so you can have 2 days to yourself every week!

Well called me shocked because I clicked this thread ready to say how you deserve time to yourself too, don’t feel guilty etc.
but honestly I think it pretty wild tbh that you’ve had family help 3 days a week for presumably free childcare and instead of lessening that for them you’ve gave yourself two days free instead.

I used to work 3 days a week in the early days but I loved spending the 2 non-working days with just me and my twin daughters. For me, that was my 'me time', otherwise why bother having children?

Agreed. My parents are tired after full days of childcare. They’d be fuming if I was spending all my days off alone whilst they slogged 3 days a week doing the hardest work in their retirement! Takes the P imo

Is there a reason you don’t want to spend any time with you child? Couldn’t imagine only working 3 days a week and then shoving my son into nursery on the two days I have off….why have a child in the first place

Yes that is strange and selfish

I know someone who used to book weeks of annual leave when her child was at school and then give the child to the in laws during half term, this is similar thing

I personally would do 1 day off with my child and 1 day at preschool…

I do think YABU slightly here. As is your DH. I would reduce the days your child is with the in-laws by 1 day and have 1 day to myself. I’d feel like I was taking the piss otherwise.

Golfing is not a hobby compatible with having young children. Words are needed with your DH. I would feel like I’d failed as a parent if I was having to mind my grandchild 3 days a week and their mum felt like they needed 2 days a week away from them because my son was doing so little parenting.

I know my parents loved having my DD when I went back to work, but honestly it was hard work, and not only that, I felt like I missed out on so much! Don’t you feel like that? I was so sad and felt so guilty that they were telling me about all the stuff I missed. When she was old enough for preschool, my MIL had her one day after preschool so I could work longer, preschool 2 days, my mum one day and me one day. I got to do lovely things with her and my mum enjoyed having her because she wasn’t too knackered!

No one else’s business. Assume your ILs love spending time with your kids as 3 days is a lot. I personally would love to be able to have days off with my pre schooler but each to their own

I wouldn’t choose to work full time if I didn’t have to while my children were young. If I had two non-working days a week, I’d want to spend at least one of them with my child.

@Cherrytree86 Yes, of course — weekends are also an option for things like the gym or having some time to yourself

I was going to say that was fine assuming that the child was going in 5 days to pre school and in this case let them establish that as their routine and you could enjoy some time to yourself. But if you expect the in laws to still do three full days I don’t think that is fair on them. It’s your kid, it seems that they are happy to help if needed but it shouldn’t be their responsibility on an ongoing basis when one of the parents is available

Is this right? Your IL's have your child 3 days a week, you weekends only and your husband 1 day a week when he's not playing golf? Wouldn't you like to spend more time with your DC? Trying not to be judgemental but it feels a bit unbalanced? The DC will be at school soon enough and you'll have missed the opportunity. Maybe a tweak ?

I'd think you were taking the piss if you were my daughter in law. It's one thing to look after a grandchild for the parent to go to work but if they then put the child into preschool to go to the gym that just isn't fair. You've said you told the in laws and they didn't object but you should have asked them, not told them.