Am I being mean sending my child to preschool on my non working days ?

[Sleepingworries]

Just wondering if I’m being a mean mum here as other peoples assumptions have made me worry.

I work 3 days a week and my ILs look after my toddler while I’m at work. My toddler is now old enough for preschool and I’ve booked my toddler into preschool on my 2 non working days. This just means I get a
bit of a break, time for me so I can do things like go to the gym.

When I’ve been telling people about my child starting preschool, the majority have assumed that it will be on the days I’m working and look quite shocked when I say it’s the days I’m off.

It’s now making me question if I’m being selfish by having those days to myself ? Am I doing something unusual ?

I did this. It’s not mean!!!
Here’s my 50ps worth: You’re still allowed some time to yourself / away from your child once you’re a mum. At any age!!! With no guilt.

Your ILs are doing more childcare than you are

Option that makes most sense to me
2 days preschool
2 days in laws
1 day you

Then you get to spend time with your toddler, ILs get a reduction, she gets 2 days at preschool, you get 1 day of me time.

Can't you do half days?

I put my daughter into preschool a half day every day. That way Grandparents get half a day with her in nursery when I work and I get two mornings to catch up on cleaning etc.

I don't think my mum or MIL would be amused to know I was using nursery hours for my own time whilst they babysit on my working days.

When you say preschool, are we talking 8-6 or a 9-12 am session? Big difference between all day and a morning session.

Personally, I always wanted to mostly spend my days off with my little ones- as time goes too fast. A short day or half day to have a few hours once a week I’d say is fair enough!

It’s a shame if they’re away from you 5 long days a week if its not for work. Appreciate this may not be the case as don’t know your working hours/ commute or their preschool hours.

Whaaaaat? Who is voting on here?? Of course you need time to yourself! You can't be at your best looking after someone else if you don't take care of your own needs first.

Definitely a smart move! Keep it up and ignore the jealousy.

It's a shame that spending time with their own child isn't a privilege to OP.

The sadness I felt when my eldest started school recently and I wasn't going to have my 2 days with her. Can't imagine choosing this.

Looking after someone else when?? 🤣

Who would be jealous? She’d rather have two days a week to herself than be with her toddler, why would anyone envy someone who feels like that?

Don’t you get that when your child starts school?

I personally think it is a bit of a shame not to spend one weekday with your child if you are off work and use it to take them to a storytime or local activity you can do with other toddler and mums. I understand it is nice to have personal time to yourself but your child will grow up so quickly and you can't get these years back. Soon she will be in school full-time.

Its up to you but you wont get that time back and Id have given my right arm to have days off with kids. It wont be long till they are at school full time so make the most of it now.

I couldn’t do this personally but I reduced my hours to have time with my children. If I wasn’t with them I think my partner would expect me to go back to full time working. I could understand keeping the days off once they are at school and having time to run errands etc, but I wouldn’t like my in-laws doing three days childcare whilst I did none.

I work 4 days, my mum looks after my little boy on one of these days and he goes to nursery the other 3. I couldn’t imagine asking my mum to take the Friday so I could go to the gym, if anything I’d love to drop down to three days and have another day with him.

How do your in-laws feel they are doing the bulk of the care. Do they want more free time.
I loved being home with my child in those early years it goes so quick cherish it I do think you are being a little me me me

This reads like your child is just a massive tiring inconvenience to you. That may not be what you intended.

It is unusual imo. Most people would want at least one day to spend with their child. They are only young once and you won’t get this time back. You’re in quite a privileged position anyway being able to work part time. I can’t imagine doing that and making my child go to preschool on my days off. I had to go back to work when my youngest was a tiny baby, I’ve worked full time ever since (purely due to financial necessity). I missed out on so much time with them that I’d do anything to have a day or two a week off with them

Why does a different opinion always get dismissed as jealousy? I don’t envy the arrangement — it genuinely wouldn’t appeal to me. Given the choice, I’d rather spend one of those days with my young child than have two full days to myself. Other people clearly feel differently, and that’s fine, but disagreement doesn’t automatically equal jealousy.

God no! I think the people who say you are trying to be Stepford wives and look from the outside like they are perfect.

Are used childcare on my days off when they were younger, not all of them but definitely some of them and I used holiday club in the summer holidays on my days off too. It’s your first time on this earth as well mind..

I'm intrigued by the use of the phrase "I told my in laws".

Sounds like OP didn't give them much of a choice.

I wouldn’t do it. Go halfway and put them in for one of your non working days and take a day away from the ILs. It is a bit mean to put them in when it’s not needed on both days. Would say the same for a dad btw.

You don’t get those precious days back, soon they’ll be at school full time and those days are gone. I absolutely loved those one to one days with both of my DC, there’s nothing to stop you going to the gym in the evenings or mornings and bringing your child on errands and chores. You don't have to be at soft play and kids classes, young children are happy to potter about and be with you and you can just involve them in what you’re doing.

Having a morning to yourself is fine - but 2 whole days per week to yourself is just not parenting.

Ok Jelly 😅😂 on a serious note though - it's more to show support to the OP and some of you definitely are jealous. Or just unreasonably judgemental. You might have the headspace to deal with toddlers 24/7 but not everyone does. It's like SEN is just for children and additional needs are not even considered for adults.

Or it might just be a personality difference. And that's okay. Previous posters have been so harsh and unreasonably so. I'm going to show my support.

And in the meantime?

Why do you feel comfortable making someone feel bad for wanting two poxy days to themselves in the week??

This is your child and your responsibility. 'Me time' is all very well, but it is being obtained at the expense of your ILs. 3 days a week of free childcare is already a massive commitment and you've got an absolute cheek to plan this arrangement.

As others have suggested, I think I'd have gone with 1 of the IL days and then 1 of your non working days for preschool, then have the second non working day with your child. I think time to yourself is important but surely some extra time with your child would be nice. I'm a single parent, work full time over 5 days and have a similar set up (family 3 days, nursery for the other 2), if I have a week off work for example, I'll still send my DD to nursery to maintain routine, catch up on my housework, run errands, do the food shop etc but I'd spend the rest of the week with her, enjoying some extra time together!