Page 12 | Am I being mean sending my child to preschool on my non working days ?

Sleepingworries · 2026-10-07T13:11:31+00:00

Just wondering if I’m being a mean mum here as other peoples assumptions have made me worry. I work 3 days a week and my ILs look after my toddler while I’m at work. My toddler is now old enough for preschool and I’ve booked my toddler into preschool on my 2 non working days. This just means I get a bit of a break, time for me so I can do things like go to the gym. When I’ve been telling people about my child starting preschool, the majority have assumed that it will be on the days I’m working and look quite shocked when I say it’s the days I’m off. It’s now making me question if I’m being selfish by having those days to myself ? Am I doing something unusual ?

CatsMagic · Yesterday 20:53

Yes dear, you are so edgy and amazing because you don’t like spending time with your kids.

Hobbitfeet32 · Yesterday 20:55

Ha ha you’re so funny @LowlandLucky. Get this when we visit we leave the kids with them for a night or 2 and go and stay in a hotel sometimes. They love it! My kids have also spent time abroad with grandparents. It’s very normal in our families to enjoy time together. I feel sad that you don’t have that. My children are confident well adjusted young people and know they have a lot of people around them that love them.

Rituelec · Yesterday 20:55

We always kept a weekday free to spend with the lil ones. Lovely to have a weekly trip out without places being busy.

RayofSundrops · Yesterday 20:55

Isthisit22 · Yesterday 20:45

No one is judging her for having time off- if it affects no one else. People are objecting to making her in laws do 3 unnecessary days of childcare while she does none.

Show quote history

Oh, sorry.

Elsraspberry · Yesterday 21:00

This is a pretty wild attitude to me... Id find it extremely difficult to not spend any time in the week with my preschool age child. I know it can be relentless and exhausting, and sometimes we crave some time to ourselves. But these years are so short and before long itll be school full time. I find it really alien and a bit upsetting that youd willingly take two whole days for yourself over spending time with your own child. Honestly not surprised youve had some shocked reactions. I know this is harsh but I am shocked and you did ask!

Jillybean2022 · Yesterday 21:01

I really feel for you OP. No wonder you haven't come back to reply. Of all places to post this, mumsnet is the most judgemental and holier than though group of people.

Not everyone wants to spend every waking moment with their child when they aren't working. I worked part time, 3 days a week before I had my child. I have ADHD and needed the wind down/ had used up all my social battery so needed time off to decompress, go to the gym etc just be on my own.

I took a year off for maternity and then went back to work 3 days a week. At first my son was only in childcare for the 3 days but as time went on and he needed more stimulation etc I put him in on one of my days off. It was a god send as both sets of our parents don't live nearby so the weekends are spent taking turns with our child or doing things together with him so no proper break.

Once he turned 3 I put him in 5 days a week so I have 2 days to myself. Tbh I need the time to catch up on sleep and just chill at bit without someone pestering me every two seconds. I also get chores done etc.

In your case if the budget allowed maybe send your child to pre school 3 days a week and the 2 with the grandparents. You have all weekend with them which is more than enough I think.

There is only so much soft play, parks etc etc one can do. If I didn't have my two days I wouldn't have time to go shopping by myself, go for coffee with a friend and be able to talk without the constant interruptions, Netflix and chill etc. Basically do all the things I miss doing before he arrived. I miss days doing nothing and not having to think about someone else's needs like what can I make them that they will eat for me for their next meal etc. I only have to think about myself for those few hours. Nothing prepares you for having a child and it was big adjustment for myself and my husband so we're definitely OAD.

Mumtobabyhavoc · Yesterday 21:06

If your DILs don't want your child on your working days then ofc you can use daycare for those days, too. Yes, you need a break. You deserve it.

Strawberrryfields · Yesterday 21:08

ThisUmberSwan · Yesterday 18:38

Hey

my little girl went to a childminders at 10 months old she began doing 2 days a week and I was only working 1.5 hours everyday. Then I increased it to 4 days and I worked full time.

at 3 years old i reduced my hours and hers I did 3 hours work a day she did 3 hours of pre school a day. When it got to January i increased her to 6 hours a day and did 5 hours a day at work. this helped us bond more and live more and slow right down before she had to be in school reception.

When I worked full time in a term time only job and she was attending childminders all year round you bet she was going in to give me “
me time” her dad didn’t agree and kept saying she should stay home with me but I said nope absolutely not I need breathing time!

so no I don’t judge you for that im absolutely sure you’ll find time and pockets of it in every day and every week to spend together

I know this wasn’t your point but I’m really curious what job you were doing? I’ve been trying to think. It seems unusual to be able to shift your hours so frequently and by so much! E.g. 1.5 to 4 full days is a huge difference then another change of hours then another! Was it all different jobs or the same one?

Nurseposter123 · Yesterday 21:10

My eldest started school this September and I am SO GLAD I didn't send him to nursery on my one day off work (Mondays).

I have happy memories of random day trips, swimming and other 'non weekend or school holiday' times that I wouldn't trade for the world.

Why wouldn't you want one day at least?

Peacock22 · Yesterday 21:13

Jillybean2022 · Yesterday 21:01

I really feel for you OP. No wonder you haven't come back to reply. Of all places to post this, mumsnet is the most judgemental and holier than though group of people.

Not everyone wants to spend every waking moment with their child when they aren't working. I worked part time, 3 days a week before I had my child. I have ADHD and needed the wind down/ had used up all my social battery so needed time off to decompress, go to the gym etc just be on my own.

I took a year off for maternity and then went back to work 3 days a week. At first my son was only in childcare for the 3 days but as time went on and he needed more stimulation etc I put him in on one of my days off. It was a god send as both sets of our parents don't live nearby so the weekends are spent taking turns with our child or doing things together with him so no proper break.

Once he turned 3 I put him in 5 days a week so I have 2 days to myself. Tbh I need the time to catch up on sleep and just chill at bit without someone pestering me every two seconds. I also get chores done etc.

In your case if the budget allowed maybe send your child to pre school 3 days a week and the 2 with the grandparents. You have all weekend with them which is more than enough I think.

There is only so much soft play, parks etc etc one can do. If I didn't have my two days I wouldn't have time to go shopping by myself, go for coffee with a friend and be able to talk without the constant interruptions, Netflix and chill etc. Basically do all the things I miss doing before he arrived. I miss days doing nothing and not having to think about someone else's needs like what can I make them that they will eat for me for their next meal etc. I only have to think about myself for those few hours. Nothing prepares you for having a child and it was big adjustment for myself and my husband so we're definitely OAD.

You expected other taxpayers to fund that? I find that appalling. Someone went to work and handed over a portion of their earnings so you could chill and watch Netflix.

nonamesleftatall · Yesterday 21:13

Normally I am the outlier on this groups but this is wild. Your child will go to school and be away from you 5 days a week and then they will fly the best and leave home. Surely you would offer your in laws a reduction in days and have 1 day to yourself and then they do 2 days and you 1. I can’t believe that someone would want to have children and not see them every weekday.

Horses7 · Yesterday 21:16

I think you’re being very sensible but I would ask ILs if they would like a reduction in their time too.

seahorsessky · Yesterday 21:17

KindlySurfiingPlatypus · Yesterday 14:17

Yanbu to need a bit of time for you, but agree with pp you should check with ILs whether they are happy with their current commitments or if they want to reduce it. A bit of preschool is good for a child but if ILs agreed to do the work because they have a firm belief that family care is better than care by strangers they might well feel betrayed if you do this without consulting them. Whereas if they are just doing it for the joy of spending time with their grandchildren they may not care.

Also, if you only go to the gym for an hour, they could maybe just do that hour, so save on the childcare, make it easier on the grandparents, and you actually get that time with her, OP?
If your husband only works PT too, he could maybe look after her when you go to the gym. Obviously if he is working FT, that's different, but if you both only work PT, you shouldn't be doing all the childcare.

CalamityJane81 · Yesterday 21:18

I think a check in with the in-laws is needed. There’s a difference between not objecting to what you suggested you will do and them actually wanting to look after your child more often than you do 😂

I agree with others that have suggested you take a day for yourself and take a day away from the IL’s unless they’re adamant they way to keep three days. They would have to be pure psychopaths to want a small child on a regular basis for 3 days a week, every week in their advanced years. Usually people do it to help, not because they actually really have a burning desire to do so.

Ellie1015 · Yesterday 21:19

"Telling them and they didnt object" is not the same as asking them if they would like less babysitting by one or two days.

It is not unreasonable to have some time to yourself but current set up means you do daytime childcare 2 days a week shared with partner (ie weekends) while grandparents do 3, that's taking the piss.

Jillybean2022 · Yesterday 21:20

Peacock22 · Yesterday 21:13

You expected other taxpayers to fund that? I find that appalling. Someone went to work and handed over a portion of their earnings so you could chill and watch Netflix.

Show quote history

What are you talking about? I never received any benefits. I work part time in a lucrative paying role so I could afford to work less hours.

We pay for pre school (nursery) ourselves. It's actually called creche where I am from . There is more of a discount alright the more hours they attend per week so It would actually cost us a lot more to only send him 3 days a week.

Doone22 · Yesterday 21:23

Sleepingworries · Yesterday 14:50

Thanks for the comments. I did tell my in laws what I was planning and they didn’t object.

It’s just been other people presuming that I’d be spending all of my non working days with my child that’s making me question if I’m doing something unusual.

Not objecting is hardly the same as being happy with it. Unless you are paying them?

SiberFox · Yesterday 21:25

Wow OP, you really think it’s nothing unusual to be taking 2 days a week for a bit of me time? Bloody hell.

SiberFox · Yesterday 21:27

Doone22 · Yesterday 21:23

Not objecting is hardly the same as being happy with it. Unless you are paying them?

Show quote history

They’ve been too shocked to object

HMW19061 · Yesterday 21:27

I couldn’t do it but it’s personal preference, if you’d rather go to the gym than spend time with your child then that’s your choice, only you can make that decision.

My youngest is 3.5 and at nursery generally on the days that I work (shift worker but with some control over the days I work), I try to have 1 day a month off on a nursery day so I can get some jobs done that are easier child free and have a bit of me time but my other days off I want to spend with him before he starts school next year. Once he’s at school I’ll have several days a week where I can go to the gym and have me time but I’m never going to get this time with him back. My eldest started school last year and I miss having the time with him but I’m very lucky that I got to have the time with him before he started school.

aminchargeist · Yesterday 21:34

My youngest ones went to pre school for 2 mornings a week…so I could breathe,get chores done all fine because I didn’t have grandparents filling in the extra time.
My children generation was more laid back and we swapped children around daily .

AvidMauveCrab · Yesterday 21:35

I don’t see a huge issue with a few hours a week to yourself but I think it’s CF territory using preschool on your days off but still using in laws on your working days. I’d probably do 1 day with in laws, provided they still want to, and 2.5-3 days in preschool.

Edenmum2 · Yesterday 21:38

Jillybean2022 · Yesterday 21:01

I really feel for you OP. No wonder you haven't come back to reply. Of all places to post this, mumsnet is the most judgemental and holier than though group of people.

Not everyone wants to spend every waking moment with their child when they aren't working. I worked part time, 3 days a week before I had my child. I have ADHD and needed the wind down/ had used up all my social battery so needed time off to decompress, go to the gym etc just be on my own.

I took a year off for maternity and then went back to work 3 days a week. At first my son was only in childcare for the 3 days but as time went on and he needed more stimulation etc I put him in on one of my days off. It was a god send as both sets of our parents don't live nearby so the weekends are spent taking turns with our child or doing things together with him so no proper break.

Once he turned 3 I put him in 5 days a week so I have 2 days to myself. Tbh I need the time to catch up on sleep and just chill at bit without someone pestering me every two seconds. I also get chores done etc.

In your case if the budget allowed maybe send your child to pre school 3 days a week and the 2 with the grandparents. You have all weekend with them which is more than enough I think.

There is only so much soft play, parks etc etc one can do. If I didn't have my two days I wouldn't have time to go shopping by myself, go for coffee with a friend and be able to talk without the constant interruptions, Netflix and chill etc. Basically do all the things I miss doing before he arrived. I miss days doing nothing and not having to think about someone else's needs like what can I make them that they will eat for me for their next meal etc. I only have to think about myself for those few hours. Nothing prepares you for having a child and it was big adjustment for myself and my husband so we're definitely OAD.

i don’t think most people are being judgemental, I think they are genuinely confused as to why you’d want to spend so little time with your child. For most people the weekend ISN’T enough time to properly raise and bond with small children. If my daughter had been in childcare (gp’s or nursery) for 5 days a week, our bond would be completely different and I honestly think she would be a different person. I had her every single day for 3.5 years (when she started 2 days at nursery) and once we’d gotten over the newborn trenches we did something fun every one of those days. I have literally hundreds of memories, they were the best days of my life.

I have a friend who has to work full time and she is so desperate to spend more time with her young child it’s breaking her. For Op to just decide she needs TWO days to chill out alone…..I don’t know but to me it just comes across that she isn’t that keen on her child.

Edenmum2 · Yesterday 21:40

And coming from somebody with a child that has just started school - YOU WILL NOT GET THIS TIME BACK, and it fucking sucks.

Fivebyfive2 · Yesterday 21:42

Jillybean2022 · Yesterday 21:01

I really feel for you OP. No wonder you haven't come back to reply. Of all places to post this, mumsnet is the most judgemental and holier than though group of people.

Not everyone wants to spend every waking moment with their child when they aren't working. I worked part time, 3 days a week before I had my child. I have ADHD and needed the wind down/ had used up all my social battery so needed time off to decompress, go to the gym etc just be on my own.

I took a year off for maternity and then went back to work 3 days a week. At first my son was only in childcare for the 3 days but as time went on and he needed more stimulation etc I put him in on one of my days off. It was a god send as both sets of our parents don't live nearby so the weekends are spent taking turns with our child or doing things together with him so no proper break.

Once he turned 3 I put him in 5 days a week so I have 2 days to myself. Tbh I need the time to catch up on sleep and just chill at bit without someone pestering me every two seconds. I also get chores done etc.

In your case if the budget allowed maybe send your child to pre school 3 days a week and the 2 with the grandparents. You have all weekend with them which is more than enough I think.

There is only so much soft play, parks etc etc one can do. If I didn't have my two days I wouldn't have time to go shopping by myself, go for coffee with a friend and be able to talk without the constant interruptions, Netflix and chill etc. Basically do all the things I miss doing before he arrived. I miss days doing nothing and not having to think about someone else's needs like what can I make them that they will eat for me for their next meal etc. I only have to think about myself for those few hours. Nothing prepares you for having a child and it was big adjustment for myself and my husband so we're definitely OAD.

Oh come on. Yes, life changes when you have kids. That's how it is, your priorities shift.

@Sleepingworries isn't talking about not spending "every waking moment" with her child, she's talking about choosing to only have weekends with them. She works 3 days, letting older grandparents run around after them, then send her to nursery then other 2 so she can have days to herself. Oh and the husband puts golf ahead of family time. Great combination.