Am I being mean sending my child to preschool on my non working days ?

[Sleepingworries]

Just wondering if I’m being a mean mum here as other peoples assumptions have made me worry.

I work 3 days a week and my ILs look after my toddler while I’m at work. My toddler is now old enough for preschool and I’ve booked my toddler into preschool on my 2 non working days. This just means I get a
bit of a break, time for me so I can do things like go to the gym.

When I’ve been telling people about my child starting preschool, the majority have assumed that it will be on the days I’m working and look quite shocked when I say it’s the days I’m off.

It’s now making me question if I’m being selfish by having those days to myself ? Am I doing something unusual ?

Haha okay that was funny but also: why are people being so mean just because the OP needs something different to them? So bizarre.

I worked with a guy who sent his toddler to nursery and went home to play computer games all day, on his days off. he was a peach !

He sounds so normal. When you have a day off it does not have to be with your kids

It’s a bit of a weird thing to do. I
No idea how old your in laws are but suspect they are pretty exhausted with the childcare they do, they probably feel they have to do it. I am also sure they love doing it at the same time. Personally, in your situation, I would have reduced the days my in-laws do(for their own sakes) to two days. Used nursery for the other working day and one of the non working day and then spend the other with my child. I don’t get why people have children and then don’t want to spend time with them, although I get why a break is nice, but…

I think it comes across as jealousy because it’s not just people saying “that’s not what I would want/do” it’s people saying “that’s mean” - how is it mean? If people usually work 5 days a week, and see their DC two days at the weekend, how is it mean that the OP is suggesting doing exactly the same thing? So she can use those two days where he’s at nursery to do things like chores or gym and seeing friends and spend her time with her DC at the weekend just doing whatever they want together?

edited for clarity

It’s not mean to send your child to pre school on your non working days at all but it’s pretty selfish on your IL’s
As multiple posters have said, you could reduce their days to two and have one day yoursefl

Me too I look back on those days fondly now..perhaps do half and half. Is the preschool the whole day ?

Its your choice but it wouldnt have been mine.

I missed mine! I worked because it pays the bills & i knew I'd want my career when they were in school so it was the right choice long term. But i wanted to be with my kids. I had a day off a week with them & it was always my favourite day.

But if seeing friends and going to the gym is more important to someone than time with their child, why have kids?

Work is a bit different. Most of us HAVE to work, to earn money, to keep a career, to get pension contributions.....

But if you would rather have leisure time for yourself than spend time with your children, its a funny choice to want children at all, there's no requirement to have them. Lots of people lead full & happy lives child free.

I have cried many tears over not being able to work less so I could spend more time with my children. I would have given anything to work 3 days and spend 2 days with them.

However, I acknowledge that days with little ones can be exhausting and mum life is hardly full of free time. Some of us run ourselves into the ground and neglect ourselves and find it shocking that others are actually prioritising themselves. I'd say it would be better to have one day for yourself and spend one proper day with your child every week. DH should also be pulling his weight to spend time with you and DC.

Agree with PP about your inlaws. I imagine there are lots of behind closed doors conversations about this. I recommend you remedy this asap to reduce their days to 2.

I don't think your situation is similar to the OP at all tbh.

Yes, it’s unusual. But it’s entirely your choice.
your in laws have your child more than you do, you only work 3 days and get 2 days to yourself - of course people will look shocked! Obviously up to you tho!

I don’t understand not wanting to spend that time with your child. You never get this time back, and they’re little for such a short time.

It’s also taking the piss to have in-laws doing 3 days of childcare and you doing none in the typical week. Of course people will judge, just ignore it if you’re happy with what you’re doing.

I couldn't do this to my little girl. I have to work 5 days due to money. I couldn't fathom actively choosing to send her away two days if I had the option not to. I feel guilty enough as it is. They're not little for long. If they can be with their parents for some of the week, they really should be.

If I were your ILs I'd be telling you that you are taking the absolute p out of them! So they can do your childcare 3 days a week for free in order to facilitate you having two days off child-free?!!!

You book your child on one of your working days so that way you relieve your family of the burden of doing YOUR job one day per week- as looking after your child is your job, not theirs.

Then you book the other day on a day off and still get one day to yourself IF your relatives don't mind. Otherwise you also book the second day on a working day.

That way, if they agree to continue to do your job on the two other days and are ok with you using a preschool day for a day off, you still get a lot more free time than most mothers of young children do without being a cheeky user.

They're only little for such a short amount of time, I find it quite sad that you want 2 full days to yourself every week rather than time with them. Id be taking a few hours to myself when DH is home or using ILs for babysitting instead of daily childcare.

Yes, imagine assuming you'd want to parent your child. Gosh.

Anyway, yes you are being selfish. Your child gets no days with her mother per week day.

So don't do that.

Again, book your child on one of your working days to relieve your family of the burden of doing your job, and have a day to yourself. And that way you still get a lot more free time than most mothers of young children.

@standandsip I don't see anything wrong with her ILs offering to do the childcare whilst OP is at work if they are willing to do so. When my little one was small and I had to go back to work pt to pay the rent and bills my mum was happy to have her as she knew that affording childcare would have been incredibly difficult, if not impossible.
But... she absolutely would have said no if I'd have then taken two days off in which my child was in childcare so I could have those days to myself!!
The cheek of it!!

I mean, it's your decision but it's an odd choice for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, despite what they might say it's not fair to rely on free childcare for 3 days and then put the kid into childcare another 2 days.

Secondly, what's the point of having kids if you don't spend time with them? A day to yourself is fine, but surely you want to actually spend a bit of time with your children?

This. I was desperate to spend any time I could with my child, since I was working the rest of the time!
I would have cut down the ask on the IL (unless they were desperate to keep her 3 days), and at the very most used one of my days if the pre-school was only a couple of hours. Otherwise no.

Right. She is helping herself to their free time while they do her job of parenting. That's not her place, and it really is a cheek.