Am I being mean sending my child to preschool on my non working days ?

[Sleepingworries]

Just wondering if I’m being a mean mum here as other peoples assumptions have made me worry.

I work 3 days a week and my ILs look after my toddler while I’m at work. My toddler is now old enough for preschool and I’ve booked my toddler into preschool on my 2 non working days. This just means I get a
bit of a break, time for me so I can do things like go to the gym.

When I’ve been telling people about my child starting preschool, the majority have assumed that it will be on the days I’m working and look quite shocked when I say it’s the days I’m off.

It’s now making me question if I’m being selfish by having those days to myself ? Am I doing something unusual ?

I think you should ask the grandparents if they would rather just do one day a week.

When you say sending them to preschool on your days off are you meaning 9-5 so you have both days off as days off or do you mean that for 2 hours on each day they will go to a session to socialise and get them used to being with other kids and you will use that short window to go to the shop/gym/have a hot coffee/nap?

The first I likely would, silently, judge you for (and would if I were your inlaws) the second I wouldn't (and if I were your inlaws be glad I was doing the full day rather than being kept to pick up/drop off

Why on earth did you leave it to your in laws to object to your suggestion? They might not feel comfortable objecting and tbf, someone entitled enough to think this was ok, probably isn't the easiest person to get on with. You should have at the very least taken a day off them.
So bloody rude.

Sorry OP I think it's unreasonable to become a parent and expect to have two whole days a week to yourself to do what you want to do. You make sacrifices when you become a parent. Don't you want to spend time with your child? You're already at work 3 days a week. Seems very odd.

I did exactly the same.
GPs loved the time with DS. He enjoyed himself at nursery and learnt some independence.
I had some much deserved time off.
Remember you’re not just a mum.
Enjoy ❤️

You do you. I wouldn’t,

Your child will be with others more than you. And not because you NEED to work. I delayed my daughter starting nursery because I wanted to spend the time with her. I went to part time over night. So I was with my daughter 5 days a week. I did sometimes get family to have her for the day/a few hours for me time.

I can’t imagine not wanting that time with her. I’d have had 1 day on your day off and 1 of the in-laws. Well, I wouldn’t but it sounds better than 5 days with others 2 with me.

Edit to add, I would also judge your husband choosing to spend his weeks off away from his child.

Having little mantras to make you feel good about yourself doesn't change the fact that this is a terrible thing to do.

Updated as dad obviously does fuck all apart from play golf! Perhaps he should spend some time with his children too .

I think it’s great to carve out the time for yourself and why not use them on those days. Few people get that luxury, especially with grandparents to do the bulk of free childcare. Where the issues creep in is that you are not paying the grandparents and taking a lot of time. Looking after kids is a full time job. Of course they won’t offer but I think it is much more reasonable to give them one day off and use the other day for when you are not working. I think that’s a better balance personally.

How much independence do small children actually need?

No problem with it in theory. Where do you live and how old is your LO? in the UK most 3/4 year olds go to nursery every day anyway as they are entitled to free hours. It’s just the fact you call it preschool that makes me think you might not be in the UK.
I would, however, probably offer your in laws the chance to the reduce their childcare. It does seem a little unfair that you have two free days while they have to give up three of theirs to childcare. But if they are happy to continue as is, then crack on.

I am one of those women/mums that judges people for sending their children to paid for childcare/funded hours when it is their non working day. The days are long but the years are short. I wish I could spend every day with my toddlers. I also do not have a village so not preaching. I just think it is a special time. If I were your inlaws I would be v miffed you were not using at least one the days to give them a break!

I voted before realising you only meant your days off.
2 days a week means it takes far longer to settle, and the fact your in laws will be giving up more of their free time than you are to look after your child doesn't sit right with me either. In your situation I'd 4 days of preschool, giving me one day to myself and one day 1:1 with DC. In laws collect from preschool rather than doing full days.

If your in laws are looking after your DC on your working days still, I would offer them a pre school day to give them a bit of a break. But if they are happy doing it, I wouldn't feel bad.

There is nothing wrong with needing some downtime from parenting. Many people would like it that don't have the option, either working full time or no childcare.

Having some time for yourself can make you a better parent, so you can concentrate on having fun together at the weekends as you have already done some exercise, housework, shopping, etc. Things that you would otherwise be trying to squeeze in to early mornings, or managing around a potentially grumpy child.

There will of course be people who can't imagine someone else looking after their child a minute longer than necessary. And others that send 6-7 year olds to boarding school or have a full time nanny whilst they don't work at all. Every parent is different, you do you. As long as your child is being cared for, and you are able to look after yourself as well, go for it. Do what is best for your family.

I wouldn't necessarily say mean, but I wouldn't have been able to do what you're suggesting. I took a year maternity leave then went part time (teacher) as soon as I had my first because I wanted to spend time with him. I alternated working 2 or 3 days a week. My mum provided childcare while i worked with my in-laws stepping in to do 1 or 2 days when my sister went back (part time) after having her second. First was pre 30hrs free childcare and started pre school 2 mornings a week when I was on mat leave with #2. We did either end of the week so when I went back one morning was my off day and 1 a work day. Growing children can be quite tiring and full on for grandparents and as my MIL once said 'weve done our time' when it came to getting to ours early to take them to school. As mornings at preschool increased when they got closer to school age I always kept a day where they were home with me. They were days we could go to toddler groups/soft play with friends/ socialising with friends and children/spend time doing activities at home/go to the library etc. I loved that time and now they're at uni and college i really miss that time. Time really does pass in the blink of an eye. Make the most of the days you have with them.
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Sounds unusual to me.
With DC1 I worked 4 days and always spent my day off with her. DC2 arrived after she started school. I now work 3.5 days.
I still have a full day off with DC2, and on my half day he stays at nursery. This means I finish work at lunch time and then have a couple of hours to myself before I pick up DC1 from school. We then have a bit of 1:1 time together- I often take her swimming or somrthing else DC2 is too little for - and then we pick him up.
That suits me and is plenty "me time".
But I have always loved being with my kids, as well as having a job I enjoy.

I will assume her non working days will be full of housework and house admin.

Children, also known as dependents...

I got judgement for doing similar. DD went to pre school 5 days per week and I worked 3. On one of my days off I went to visit my Dad in his nursing home and on the other I did the housework and shopping so that weekends were really laid back and proper family time.
One friend who was a SAHM voiced her judgement- but her child went to pre school a few days per week when she was home alone?! Seemed hypocritical to me.
Anyway, my DD was absolutely fine. We still had from 3pm every day together, weekends and school holidays. She had a relaxed(ish) Mum. It isn't for everyone as we are all in different situations but if this works for you then don't worry about other people's thoughts. Unless you're sending your DC to a workhouse?

my jaw is on the floor at your entitlement- your poor in laws. They’re probably too polite to object!
You should use the nursery days for the days you’re at work to relieve your in laws. That means they still have one day with your child, which is nice for bonding but why the hell should you get 2 days off while they have your child 3 days?
it’s up to you to sort out equal time with your husband at the weekend.

No one is judging her for having time off- if it affects no one else. People are objecting to making her in laws do 3 unnecessary days of childcare while she does none.

You said that you " told" your Ils your plans which seems different to " discussing " with them whether they would like to reduce their childminding days. They might not want to rock the boat but equally might have liked to reduce their childcare responsibilities.

Wait hang on, usually parents work part time because the rest of the time they are looking after their kids!! So basically you get to work only three days a week and two days to yourself?! That’s a luxury most parents don’t have! I think you’re being really unreasonable and selfish to be honest.

So your in laws didn't do free childcare then so you would have no idea how they would have felt doing 3 days a week whilst you went to the gym,

It's not mean as such, but I do find it a bit weird to want to spend two days to yourself every week. I loved my days off with my toddler when I worked part time.