Do not enter-you are a s**t mum

[Getthosesquishiesoutofthehouse]

This is what my 8 year old wrote on her door handle thing, that you can hang over your door.
Following another argument about not being allowed on YouTube, she stormed upstairs, shut the door and put this sign on the handle, she then fell asleep.
We were travelling lots at the weekend and are all lacking sleep. Dh says to just leave it, but I find it upsetting and was shocked she'd written it.
None of us have mentioned it yet.

What would you do?

I learned my non-speaking autistic son could in fact read and write when he produced a note that said ‘Stop waking me up, shithead’ because i’d started waking him to go to school earlier than he’d needed to for nursery. he was most put out about it. 😆😆😆😆 I still have that note 15 years later 😆

Wow, there need to be consequences! (And not for you for not letting miss potty mouth watch YouTube!)

Could be the beginnings of puberty rearing its ugly head.

You said what is a reasonable consequence - it's OK for consequences to be generic, like loss of privileges/grounding/pocket money etc. Sometimes when DS1 was about that age we used to give him extra chores. It doesn't really matter what it is, as long as it's not vindictive or scary. As someone else said, it does help to keep it temporary and short/minor so that if they ever do something that crosses a new line you have space to escalate to make a point. But punishment is never really doing much in itself, think of it more as sort of punctuation or underlining on the statment "I do not accept this behaviour". What will shape her behaviour long term is what you're modelling, what she sees around her (e.g. from peers, media etc) and the skills she can access at any point (in terms of emotional regulation and effective communication for example).

It's normal that they go through phases of boundary testing where you might need to bring out the same thing a few times but if something seems to be getting worse or persisting over a longer period then don't increase punishment, look at the underlying cause.

Brilliant 😆I do find it helps to maintain a SOH about these things...

She'd get a calm talking too, told that was unacceptable and lose some privileges for a few days. No electronics....nothing but school, books, stuff like that.

As others have mentioned, as well as the 'language' used the main point to pay attention to here is that she is 8 EIGHT years old! 🙄
With or without your DH's support you need to step up and totally nip this in the bud or believe me by the time she is 10, 12 or 13 you will rue the day you did not do so!! She will not really be aware of how inappropriate and yes, unkind and untrue they are, it's just a word or words she has heard or read (ironically online!) so it's up to you to make her aware of this but also accompanied with appropriate punishment or it will not register sufficiently or effectively. 🙄
We are Special Guardians to our now 17 year old Great Grandson and if he had done this at that age the consequences would for him have been unforgettable and I am thankful that we did not experience this particular situation!! 🙁
It's for her own good as well as yours!! Caroline...Mum, Gran and Great-Gran...😊

Puberty can start at this young age, so I would keep this in mind with her outbursts. However, I would talk to her and say we both, as your parents don't tolerate disrespectful language. But also remind her that as parents you both have a job to keep her safe and well and that isn't always easy or fun, but it's your job. Ensure her dad is on the same page, but consider this as a one off, and hopefully it will be understood. Good luck, it's not easy.

Ok I have read all of OPs responses but not every post on this thread. My DD is a couple years older and about 8 she started having these crazy mood swings that I'm pretty sure are due to her hormones coming in. She would tell me I'm a terrible mum and lots of other things designed to hurt and get a reaction. I'd tell her thats ok because I love you, calmly. I think it's pretty important not to react or fuel it much. I'd walk away take a deep breath and ask her if she wanted space or wanted to talk about what was going on then leave her for 5 or 10 minutes then ask again while taking a drink or maybe a snack up. This worked nearly every time but can be difficult. When she was capm again we discussed what was said I was clear that you can't take back what you say and not everyone will love her as unconditionally as I do so saying things designed to hurt have consequences. She'd apologise and we moved on. Its much better now but occasionally we still have the odd bout of something similar but she calmed down much quicker. Can't wait for teenage years 🙄

Oh, yes! File it in the archive. Make sure you get your mileage out of it about 30 years in the future.😅

It made my day and I worked really hard not to laugh my head off as i told him it’s not ok to call me shithead 😆

Remove the sign for three days and then what? Put it back up again?

The bullshit responses are exactly why teachers are in despair.

Years ago, after an argument with my 10 year old daughter I found that she had written "I HATE YOU" in magnetic letters on the fridge. It was one of the proudest days of my life. My daughter was upset and yet she felt confident enough in my continued love for her that she was able to express her feelings so eloquently.
I'd take what your daughter did as a complement to your good mothering. When she's calmed down it might be a good idea to talk to her about the difference between someone doing something bad and being a bad person (eg "that was a horrible thing to do", rather than "you are a horrible mother") but that's as far as I'd take it.

Replace it with one that says, I LOVE YOU from mum. Then when you've both calmed down explain its not OK to lash out and be hurtful when you have a disagreement. Then have a hug and get back to normal.

Get a sign for your own door. “Shit mam’s are on strike”.

I think it’s more the way the word was used.

Respectfully, I disagree. My son said some particularly hurtful things when he was young, and sad/angry. I’m glad I didn’t come down too hard because at 39, he still talks to me about anything and everything, and I’m extremely proud of the father he’s become to his two boys, gentle, fair, and firm, without being harsh.

It’s not a word you want to hear coming out of an 8 year old’s mouth.

I'm not giving advice to those with 'respectful and successful adult childre.'
This is an 8 year old who needs to learn how to behave.

She has heard that somewhere - at school, at friends, somewhere. It sounds as though she is really upset about something. I think you need to talk to her. Tell her that it isn't okay to speak like that to you, and ask her if she has heard anyone else saying that, ask if she is upset about anything. If she clams up, take her for a walk at the weekend and hopefully she will relax after walking for a bit and start to chat, try to talk to her again.

Behaviour is communication, it is important to set out clear boundaries and expectations about behaviour, but here I think it is also important to find out what is behind the behaviour too.

I said I'd be tempted - not that I'd actually do it! In reality, in that case, I would have firstly thanked her, and congratulated myself that I was clearly doing something right, since she was calling me a shit Mum. Nothing like doing something like creating boundaries, enforcing them, and following through with consequences to really upset your offspring. Secondly, I'd be reminding her about the rules around swearing. Calling me a shit Mum, either verbally or in writing, constitutes swearing at a person in a way clearly meant to be hurtful and offensive, so that's against the rules. Hmmm, more consequences needed. Thirdly, I'd be reminding her that writing things down makes things permanent, and this will be going into my memory box for future reference and entertainment . . .

We're a family that swear like troopers. Apparently I've been doing it since I was 18 months old. My parents didn't swear - but our neighbour's son did! So I'm a pragmatist about swearing, and have rules in place, rather than spending time with a broomstick up my arse and clutching my pearls.

And this is why so many kids are out of control because of lazy parenting like this.

I'd wipe the bloody floor with her....

Take away the sign. If she’s going to put swear words on it she can’t have it.

You are getting some stick for this comment but I did exactly the same with my daughter at that age and we DO laugh about it now. She's feisty, sticks up for herself (and others/me) and is comfortable in voicing how she feels . I, on the other hand, was punished for acting like that as a child and am now very good at concealing how I really feel and not expressing myself.