I had a full blown hissy fit, is there any way back?

[Drakula]

Been dating someone for around a year. He wants to live together but I’m very protective of my space, very houseproud and wasn’t sure if I could handle it so we started spending the odd weekend night at each others houses to trial things.

I found his house utterly depressing. There is no colour, none of the furniture match and it’s all old and plain. And by old I don’t mean tastefully old but decades old Argos style furniture all scuffed etc. It smells funny and nothing seems to have its place. I started making excuses not to go and in the end told him why so he said it’s because he never had visitors so didn’t see the point.

When he stayed at my house I had to regularly remind him to take his shoes off in the hallway, to put the coffee jar back it it’s place after moving it, to bin packets rather than just leaving them around etc

Hes getting desperate to move in so I suggested a trial week where he stayed at mine for a week. It’s lasted 3 days 😱

He arrived on Friday night, by Saturday I’d lost count of how many times I’d told him about the coffee jar. Numerous times I told him to take his shoes off, he left wet towel on the bathroom floor on Saturday night and I snapped, we had a falling out where he accused me of being “OCD” about stuff. I I explained that this is my house and I won’t apologise for the way I keep it clean and tidy. We moved on.

Last night I went into the bathroom to see he’d left the wet towel on the floor, a pile of clothes AND his shoes meaning he had walked upstairs in his shoes. I just lost it, opened the bathroom window and chucked all his stuff out of it. When I went downstairs I informed him that everything he left in the bathroom is now in the garden. He went ape shit saying I was a psyco and I totally lost it and screamed at him to get the fuck out of my house and take all his shit with him. When he left I saw that he’d deliberately moved the coffee jar to the other side of the kitchen.

Since then he’s messaged me multiple times apologising saying he just needs to get used to how I work but I’m thinking this is just not going to work is it? How can you come back from that?

@Drakula When he left I saw that he’d deliberately moved the coffee jar to the other side of the kitchen.

Lol.

I just lost it, opened the bathroom window and chucked all his stuff out of it.

Losing your shit over clothes being on the floor and a coffee jar not being in its invisible designated spot is far too much.

He couldnt even cope with a tiny boundary of please dont wear shoes in my house. No one is so thick as to not remember that either. That will escalate into much bigger boundary violations. Well done for getting rid.

This. He's feral. We all drop wet towels on the floor but to leave the room and do nothing more with it is a dick move because he is effectively saying that someone else has to go around behind him being the adult.

Repulsive.

Break up with him lol - he ain’t the one, you’re not the one 😆

We all don't.
Why do you drop wet towels ln the floor?
Why do people drop wet towels on the floor?

Because I don’t want them to make my clothes in the wash basket damp & musty.

The whole point in a trial is that the person is supposed to be on their best behaviour and convince you it would be a good idea to live together.

He couldn't even be arsed to pick up after himself for three days!! Bin off the big man-baby!

No you are fundamentally different in how you live. It’s not a bad thing, and let’s face it that’s what the trail of saying someone is about! But that you are compatible living together matters and it will drive you crackers I suspect. It’s not like you were ott - I couldn’t cope with wet towels etc.

Dating not saying!!

You're right actually. I don't think I have done it since I was a kid and I'm an old fucker : )

There has to be an element of a finger up with this bloke. Bit of red pill stuff going on maybe?

You're not compatible.

His behaviours of wet towel on the floor won't stop when got live together.

He'll continue leaving the coffee jar out... and so much more.

I probably wouldn't have reacted as you did ... but I would have either ended the relationship...or continued living separately for now.

Him leaving stuff lying around will drive you crazy. You don't need that.

Why is he so desperate to move in

carry on seeing each other but don’t live together

pmsl at coffee jar

@Drakula
You've seen who he is now.
You should not live together.

I also love the coffee jar move, but now you know he's spiteful and petty in addition to being disrespectful and messy.

Is he really the one for you beyond casual dating? If you need to insist someone change/try to change someone it never works out. Never.

Sorry, but you do sound a bit psycho.

In 3 years how have you not yet spent a few days together before?

Never been on holiday together? Spent a long weekend together it his or yours?

He is messy and you are OTT (the coffee jar has to be a joke, surely). You are both completely wrong for each other in this regard.

Just think about it... this is him TRYING to get you to want him to move in. TRYING! How pathetic. Imagine yourself 2 years down the line when he stops trying and (if it's something you'd want) a few kids to manage, too. Dump him!

It was worth having a test run because he very rapidly proved that living with him won't be tolerable for you. I would have expected him to be on his best behaviour and slack off once his feet were under the table.

The fact that he didn't even make an effort to pick up after himself despite promising that he would means either (a) he's absolutely so ingrainedly slobbish there is no hope of changing or (b) he's doing it in a deliberate "fuck you bitch, won't do what you tell me" way. Neither is good!

If you still like him, dating only.
If this has put you off completely, give him the heave ho. Plenty more out there.

I Honesty think you're not a bundle of fun to live with either. You're both different, so how will this work? Not planning to have kids and get married? as I guaranteed you there will be worse than a towel left on the floor.

Is that what they were referring to??

The previous comment sounded derogatory so that context didn't sound right

"Tbf, the only type of woman who would be suited to this kind of man would be a scrubber themselves. Or even worse, a doormat willing to tidy up after him."

They're saying the woman is a scrubber OR willing to clean up. Hence why it sounds like an insult, not a reference to a cleaning device, because there wouldn't be the "or" in the sentence.

Never mind. Thank you anyway. I just thought I might be missing something here (autistic).

Main point really I guess is that OP and this man are wildly incompatible and it's a miracle they made it this far!

This !

You are not suited. Move on

A scrubber can be an offensive, disapproving term for a person perceived as untidy or rough.

Thats a def NO from me. What spend my life cleaning up after a dirty lazy bastard? Not a chance. Sorry @Drakula throw this one back esp as his house smells, ewww.