I had a full blown hissy fit, is there any way back?

[Drakula]

Been dating someone for around a year. He wants to live together but I’m very protective of my space, very houseproud and wasn’t sure if I could handle it so we started spending the odd weekend night at each others houses to trial things.

I found his house utterly depressing. There is no colour, none of the furniture match and it’s all old and plain. And by old I don’t mean tastefully old but decades old Argos style furniture all scuffed etc. It smells funny and nothing seems to have its place. I started making excuses not to go and in the end told him why so he said it’s because he never had visitors so didn’t see the point.

When he stayed at my house I had to regularly remind him to take his shoes off in the hallway, to put the coffee jar back it it’s place after moving it, to bin packets rather than just leaving them around etc

Hes getting desperate to move in so I suggested a trial week where he stayed at mine for a week. It’s lasted 3 days 😱

He arrived on Friday night, by Saturday I’d lost count of how many times I’d told him about the coffee jar. Numerous times I told him to take his shoes off, he left wet towel on the bathroom floor on Saturday night and I snapped, we had a falling out where he accused me of being “OCD” about stuff. I I explained that this is my house and I won’t apologise for the way I keep it clean and tidy. We moved on.

Last night I went into the bathroom to see he’d left the wet towel on the floor, a pile of clothes AND his shoes meaning he had walked upstairs in his shoes. I just lost it, opened the bathroom window and chucked all his stuff out of it. When I went downstairs I informed him that everything he left in the bathroom is now in the garden. He went ape shit saying I was a psyco and I totally lost it and screamed at him to get the fuck out of my house and take all his shit with him. When he left I saw that he’d deliberately moved the coffee jar to the other side of the kitchen.

Since then he’s messaged me multiple times apologising saying he just needs to get used to how I work but I’m thinking this is just not going to work is it? How can you come back from that?

I watched a YouTube clip recently where DM dealt with a tantrum thrown by a child who did not want to put his rubbish in the bin, she insisted firmly but kindly; he eventually said sorry, reconciled with Mummy with a big hug, binned the snack wrapper and ran off to play. I would guess that he was about 18 months old. Entirely appropriate toddler training - but a grown man still needs training?
As PP's have said, if he is behaving like this at the "keen to impress" honeymoon phase, any improvement is very likely to fade miserably quickly; he has grown to adulthood with this ingrained mindset.

There has been a new thread started today by Cwackers titled "are my standards too high?" Please read Drakula it as this will be you if you take him back.

Your response was ott

The towel is going into the washing anyway. I don’t understand how leaving it on the floor for a couple of hours for other people to stand on is going to cause more washing?

I definitely don’t pick up after everyone. If anything DP is more inclined to clean because he’s the one that cooks and cleans the worktops before he does that (including putting any rogue coffee jars back in their rightful spot 😂). One of my daughters in particular also cleans a lot when she wants extra money. Last week she hoovered the stairs and did all the washing to get money to book a scarefest thing with her friends. I’m probably 3rd in line for picking up the house. Other 2 DDs need to be reminded, but they do it.

it’s all about getting a routine and learning to live with other people instead of throwing someone’s clothes out of a window. Which I still think is absolute insanity over a towel and a coffee jar

Do you wash your towels after every use??

yes

Both of you have had a lucky escape

Why? That’s completely bonkers. Why not save yourself a load of work (and water) and put the towels on the rail for reuse? I genuinely don’t understand why anyone would wash their towels every time they use them unless they had OCD.

OP, you do not w@nt to come back from that. He’s a pig. And petty, spiteful and disrespectful.

all this at a time where he should be trying super hard to fit into your home!

if he is a pig now, it’s going to be disgusting in a years time.

Get rid of him …keep your standards.

Your home sounds lovely and you want to keep it that way. You’ll find someone who respects you and respects your home. Someone better than this oik.

So what are towel racks for?

This.

Even in hotels we don't put our towels out for washing every day.

There must be.

Teenage DDs towels are usually covered in fake tan, make up, or both by the time they’ve finished so need washed

i don’t have OCD but don’t like the idea of redrying my clean self with yesterdays towel that’s probably covered in dead skin from being used the previous day

there are 5 of us and all our towels are the same. I don’t think my DDs would appreciate accidentally using an unwashed towel to dry their face that my DP had previously used to dry his bits

we put a wash on most days anyway so they just go in that

I personally use mine to heat my towel up for me to use when I get out of the shower. It also holds up our toilet roll sheep at the moment. One of her legs is broken

That’s ridiculous. A complete waste of energy and reduced. Are you not aware of what’s going on around you? Even hotels ask people to hang on to the towels for a few days to save water/gas/electricity

Absolutely crazy. Can you imagine if everyone did that. The planet is going to shit with people who have your mindset.

If you've just used the shower, your towels won't be covered in dead skin.

You need to teach your daughters to wash themselves properly.

No way OP. I find the process of teaching my children to put their shoes away, not leave wet towels lying around, put their plates in the dishwasher at the end of meal etc hard enough, but they are young and learning and that is mine and DH’s job- not a chance in hell would I go through that rigmarole with a grown man! The wet towel bunched up on the bathroom floor which then smells because it can’t dry properly- and I wonder who will end up being the one who bothers to wash it? YANBU!

but don’t like the idea of redrying my clean self with yesterdays towel that’s probably covered in dead skin from being used the previous day

How were you so dirty yesterday that you left dead skin cells all over the towel, but are so clean today that you can’t abide the thought of touching them?

How many times each day do you wash? If your towel is dirty after a few minutes of touching your skin when you’re as clean as can be, imagine how dirty your clothes are after half an hour! Chuck them in the wash and put on fresh clothes for the next half hour. Best have another shower first though…

Yes, this exactly. Buy a loofah and get all that dead skin off in the shower if you have lots of it. If you wash properly there should be barely any coming off on your towel.

And maybe your daughters would learn to be more careful with their fake tan and crap if they had to use the same towel for longer.

No wonder there's a gender pay gap. Men crack on with running the world because women are too busy needlessly washing towels every single day.

Edited to say I'm agreeing with @Fortuity, not directing my comments at her.