I had a full blown hissy fit, is there any way back?

[Drakula]

Been dating someone for around a year. He wants to live together but I’m very protective of my space, very houseproud and wasn’t sure if I could handle it so we started spending the odd weekend night at each others houses to trial things.

I found his house utterly depressing. There is no colour, none of the furniture match and it’s all old and plain. And by old I don’t mean tastefully old but decades old Argos style furniture all scuffed etc. It smells funny and nothing seems to have its place. I started making excuses not to go and in the end told him why so he said it’s because he never had visitors so didn’t see the point.

When he stayed at my house I had to regularly remind him to take his shoes off in the hallway, to put the coffee jar back it it’s place after moving it, to bin packets rather than just leaving them around etc

Hes getting desperate to move in so I suggested a trial week where he stayed at mine for a week. It’s lasted 3 days 😱

He arrived on Friday night, by Saturday I’d lost count of how many times I’d told him about the coffee jar. Numerous times I told him to take his shoes off, he left wet towel on the bathroom floor on Saturday night and I snapped, we had a falling out where he accused me of being “OCD” about stuff. I I explained that this is my house and I won’t apologise for the way I keep it clean and tidy. We moved on.

Last night I went into the bathroom to see he’d left the wet towel on the floor, a pile of clothes AND his shoes meaning he had walked upstairs in his shoes. I just lost it, opened the bathroom window and chucked all his stuff out of it. When I went downstairs I informed him that everything he left in the bathroom is now in the garden. He went ape shit saying I was a psyco and I totally lost it and screamed at him to get the fuck out of my house and take all his shit with him. When he left I saw that he’d deliberately moved the coffee jar to the other side of the kitchen.

Since then he’s messaged me multiple times apologising saying he just needs to get used to how I work but I’m thinking this is just not going to work is it? How can you come back from that?

You aren’t compatible. You’ve seen how he keeps his house left to his own devices .

Not a WET towel, call the police!

He sounds annoying and a bit messy and you are definitely incompatible.

Your reaction was insane.

This ^
you overreacted - you could have delivered your message less emotionally (without throwing his stuff) but your conclusion was the right one.
P.S. I could give him a bit of leeway for a coffee jar but I would expect to tell about shoes off ONLY ONCE.

I think you massively overreacted and are very uptight. But that's ok. I don't need to live with you.
You're just not compatible so best to end it now, ignore his apologies, it's not about who is right or wrong, you're too far apart in how you want to live to ever be able to happily meet in the middle.

Imagine if a man threw a women's belongings out of the window in a rage because she'd left things on the floor?

We'd all be calling him an unhinged, controlling, dangerous psychopath in waiting.

You're not made for each other, let's put it that way.

You won't apologize for the way you live (which is how it should be), but expect him to apologize for the way he lives.

I'm sorry OP but this is hilarious, the fixation you have with the location of the coffee pot is really funny

I'm exactly the same as the OP.
Everything has a place in my house and I can't bear it if things are untidy.

YANBU OP, but I laughed out loud when you said he moved the coffee jar one last time 🤣🤣🤣

Y
ouve only been together a year…

I also loved that! 😂But only as an observer - not if I were on the receiving end.

Its NOT about the wet towel but the disrespect. Stop being so literal. Also he called her a psychopath first before she shouted at him.

I'm so confused by this.

Scrubber means a woman who's promiscuous, or a prostitute.

I don't get how that would apply to someone with a messy house?? Is there a different regional use for the word?

I think it’s way over the top to be making such an issue out of a coffee jar being misplaced or leaving a towel on the bathroom floor
I dont.
Normal functioning adults put towels away and don't expect someone else to pick up after them,they also put things away after use. Its bad enough them doing it in the first place but having constantly tell someone to do basic tasks is wearing!

A scrubber is a tool, machine, or industrial system used for cleaning surfaces or removing harmful pollutants from industrial exhaust gases.

Ha ha - congratulations on an interesting first post ticking all the boxes.

The bit that's unbelievable is him wanting to move in after ryou going full psycho

Last night I went into the bathroom to see he’d left the wet towel on the floor, a pile of clothes AND his shoes meaning he had walked upstairs in his shoes. I just lost it, opened the bathroom window and chucked all his stuff out of it. When I went downstairs I informed him that everything he left in the bathroom is now in the garden. He went ape shit saying I was a psyco and I totally lost it and screamed at him to get the fuck out of my house and take all his shit with him.

Exactly this.

Last night I went into the bathroom to see he’d left the wet towel on the floor, a pile of clothes AND his shoes meaning he had walked upstairs in his shoes. I just lost it, opened the bathroom window and chucked all his stuff out of it. When I went downstairs I informed him that everything he left in the bathroom is now in the garden.

Oh good for you!!! 👍👍👍. Well done!

While @Growlybear83 has a point about you over-reacting, that's not really the point is it. He's moving into YOUR space and he doesn't even have the simple courtesy to pick up after himself.

This relationship is never going to work. I don't often say this, but ... LTB.

There's no rule saying you have to live with a partner. If you work in separate homes keep doing that.

Can’t even be on his best behaviour for a trial week. No thanks

It’s great you’ve tested this out and realised you aren’t compatible living together. If the end plan was long term relationship living together then I would end it now and both find someone else.

It's never going to work, and I say that as a very messy person.

Me too 🤣

You are both mental, but in incompatible ways and there's nothing wrong with that. Best to cut your losses though @Drakula

This 100%.

You're better rid of him now.

It's never going to work, call it a day.

Get rid