I had a full blown hissy fit, is there any way back?

[Drakula]

Been dating someone for around a year. He wants to live together but I’m very protective of my space, very houseproud and wasn’t sure if I could handle it so we started spending the odd weekend night at each others houses to trial things.

I found his house utterly depressing. There is no colour, none of the furniture match and it’s all old and plain. And by old I don’t mean tastefully old but decades old Argos style furniture all scuffed etc. It smells funny and nothing seems to have its place. I started making excuses not to go and in the end told him why so he said it’s because he never had visitors so didn’t see the point.

When he stayed at my house I had to regularly remind him to take his shoes off in the hallway, to put the coffee jar back it it’s place after moving it, to bin packets rather than just leaving them around etc

Hes getting desperate to move in so I suggested a trial week where he stayed at mine for a week. It’s lasted 3 days 😱

He arrived on Friday night, by Saturday I’d lost count of how many times I’d told him about the coffee jar. Numerous times I told him to take his shoes off, he left wet towel on the bathroom floor on Saturday night and I snapped, we had a falling out where he accused me of being “OCD” about stuff. I I explained that this is my house and I won’t apologise for the way I keep it clean and tidy. We moved on.

Last night I went into the bathroom to see he’d left the wet towel on the floor, a pile of clothes AND his shoes meaning he had walked upstairs in his shoes. I just lost it, opened the bathroom window and chucked all his stuff out of it. When I went downstairs I informed him that everything he left in the bathroom is now in the garden. He went ape shit saying I was a psyco and I totally lost it and screamed at him to get the fuck out of my house and take all his shit with him. When he left I saw that he’d deliberately moved the coffee jar to the other side of the kitchen.

Since then he’s messaged me multiple times apologising saying he just needs to get used to how I work but I’m thinking this is just not going to work is it? How can you come back from that?

The op should be prepared to put up with disrespectful behaviour? The standards on here are rock bottom here sometimes

Do you even need to ask? Either stay with him but don't live together, or dump. I'd say dump and block.

He is looking for a mother/maid not an equal partner.

Not quite the same thing but my mum used to be like that when I lived at home. God forbid you try to help out of your own accord and not do something her way.

Fuck you then, mum. I just wont help at all if you're going to be that pissy.

This. But how can he make a claim on the house if he's not paying bills or on the mortgage/rent?
Is there an amount of time that someone can live with you to make a claim on your property?

He may as well have COCKLODGER tattooed on his forehead.

They say it's the little things that build up over time that drive you mad - so if you're like this now, you will be nuclear about this in a few yeas' time.
You can't change people, they can only change themselves. He clearly thinks you are the one with the problem. I'd dump him now. Get a house-trained one.

"Compromise" usually meant the woman having to take endless shit.

Why does either of them have to compromise here? They've been dating a year, not living together, not married, no children, and obviously totally incompatible. What's "compromise" got to do with it? They should just split up and be glad they live in a time and place where they can do that.

Also he sounds quite disrespectful. I am like your partner and have a messy, poorly decorated place. I don’t care and don’t have visitors. But when I am staying at the home of others I always make an effort not to leave towels and clothes all over the place and put things back. Neither of you are going to change who you are so either continue but living separately or just part.

Regarding the shoes mentioned by OP. My friend has a really bad back & struggles to dress without pain. If anyone asks her to remove her shoes she politely asks them to loosen them & be prepared to put them on again. It usually results in I'm sorry please just leave them on there's a mat at the door for those who wish to keep them on. Life is too short to make a fuss about shoes if not muddy or wet.A good brush mat is enough

Disagree. It's a home not a showhouse. Unless you have cream carpets then what's wrong with wearing shoes inside? God help the OP if she has kids

Sex-based gender roles were the norm then. So the woman just accepted having to constantly pick up and clean up after the man.

You’re not compatible to live together but you do sound like an absolute pain in the arse as well.

Lots of people don’t allow shoe wearing inside their home. Nothing wrong with that.

It just sounds like you aren't compatible. If this stuff is a deal-breaker for you then better to break up now. It's not wrong of him to want to live a certain way, but if neither of you is prepared to change then it's not going to work.

So how does she manage to put them on at home? I have a stool by my front door so she can sit and use that to loosen her shoes.

Yep.
Hate to say it, but first post nails it.

100% agree
Weird
He left a towel on the floor - OMG what a catastrophe
he needs to move on

If you read my previous post you will learn there can be a lot wrong with it🤔

You aren’t compatible.

Do not live with this man ever. If this is how disrespectful he is in the ‘honeymoon’ phase when you’re trying to see if living together will work then imagine what it will be like after 6 months or a year. But luckily for you at least he doesn’t try to pretend to be a half respectful person so you can see what he’s like and make your choice. Also he’s shown you how he will behave when you raise an issue or a boundary - he’ll act like you’re the problem.

You are totally incompatible

put the coffee jar back it it’s place after moving it

Just out of interest how far out was he before the deliberate final misplacement? Are we talking feet or inches?

I'm not sure why you'd want a way back with him. Just end it.

I read it - still nothing wrong with it. It’s for the resident to determine their rules and the rules and completely fine.

I love this !! I love your OTT about your home I'm the same I like it clean tidy and smelling fabulous if something is moved or left it gives me the rage !! So hats off to u.
I would have done exactly the same he left those on the floor because he down not respect your home .
Also he couldn't even be on his best behaviour for 5 days lol imagine him living there for 6 months u probs end up killing him 😁👌
Bin him off and don't change for any man !!!