AIBU: people calling it peri-menopause instead of menopause

[Joyful26]

ok firstly I know that technically you are in peri-menopause, then the menopause itself is literally the day your period stops altogether- then after that one moment in time you are post-menopausal.

But people always calling it peri-menopause is clearly to indicate that they are actually still really young and nowhere near the menopause itself yet.

I think that’s why it grates on me so much. Because on the one hand they’re championing the issues that affect women etc, but at the same time making it clear that they themselves are actually very young and youthful- yet not afraid to mention these issues.

for what it’s worth I can’t be bothered faux-impressing anyone and I just call it the menopause.

but every single one of my friends calls it peri-menopause or they’re simply’peri’. We’re all mid 40s.

just saw someone on LinkedIn purporting to do a Women’s rights post, someone in her 50s commented about the menopause, and the original poster replied but talked about peri-menopause.

AIBU or a people who call it peri-menopause just a bit vain? 😅

I mean, if someone interprets someone else using an accurate medical term for something that they’re experiencing as them ‘wanting to be special’, then I think that’s a them problem.

But once again you are demonstrating that you didnt understand the analogy.

Stage 4 is markedly different to stage 1, as I've said multiple times. People aren't just mentioning stage 4 "like they're more special".

Yes - that is what the poster is trying to say.

To break the post down -

I get what you mean, it’s like when people say they have stage 4 cancer like they’re more special than the people who have stage 1 cancer. All cancer is serious, why do they have to make the point about theirs being such a big deal by announcing its stage 4. It would save them time just to say cancer.

= This is what the poster is saying as an example of what you do not and should not say in relation to cancer. She is giving it as a negative example, a theoretical bad example of approaching cancer stages.

Do you see how silly that sounds? -

i.e. the above paragraph sounds silly, it is not what you say, no one says people who have stage 4 cancer are special and no one suggests doing away with the different stages as cancer terminology - we correctly refer to 'stage 1' or 'stage 4 cancer' - poster is advocating this approach in relation to menopause.

As many others have already pointed out OP, your friends are correct to say they're perimenopausal if they're still having periods.

A woman hasn't reached menopause until she's gone 12 months without a period, is that the case with you? Because if it's not then it's a bit strange that you want to tell others that you're at a stage that you haven't actually got to yet.

I think you've misunderstood the point of the analogy. An analogy isn't saying that two things are the same. It's using one example to illustrate the logic of an argument. The poster wasn't saying perimenopause is the same as cancer, or comparing their seriousness. They were saying that the argument "we don't need a separate word for perimenopause because it's all menopause" follows the same logic as saying "we don't need to distinguish between Stage 1 and Stage 4 because it's all cancer."

The point is that a broader category can contain different stages or phases, and sometimes having separate terms is useful because those stages are different in important ways.

Whether you agree with the argument is a separate issue, but that's what the analogy was intended to demonstrate.

So because you had it easy, anyone who has a worse experience shouldn't talk about it?

I agree but I think that only idiots do.

This

Well, some people love to medicalise anything and everything. We have swung too far away from the "bad old days" and, frankly, there's a lot to be said for the stiff upper lip! Nobody, except a doctor, needs to hear about this stuff.

YABU. You yourself have described the different stages - perimenopause is the specific phase (with measurable, physical changes which impact on every part of your body and increase your risk factor for certain diseases) before menopause. Why would you wish to describe your symptoms inaccurately? You said it's to save time...are you that stretched that the 4 letters in 'peri' actually save you time? If you said it to me, I would assume you had actually reached menopause and were now post menopausal. That would change the nature of any conversations we had about it, until you actually explained what you meant.

Perimenopause symptoms can start from your 30s - it's actually not that unusual for it to start in the late 30s, but because women have babies later, stressful jobs and there's just a lack of basic education (let alone medical support), the symptoms are often put down to something else. You can describe yourself in any way you see fit, but I don't think you should advocate for other women to use inaccurate medical terminology, particularly when women are so readily dismissed by the medical profession as it is.

I think you missed the point of my post?

It’s that it was ludicrous to talk that way about cancer, so why should we talk that way about menopause and peri menopause.

Of course no one would ever say or think that about someone describing their cancer as Stage 4!

I agree! Saying stage 4 cancer doesn’t make anyone seem “special”, nor does saying peri menopause make anyone seem “vein”.

I fear the point I was making has been very lost. The last sentence of my post was the most important!!!

Well let's face it, it does promote the idea that women's behaviours are defined by their hormonal state.
So yeah while him being an abusive prick is independent of this it is a very useful tool in abuser's toolkit to say she's just 'nuts' and everybody agreeing because it's her hormones because that's what hormones do: cause white hot rage.

THAT’S EXACTLY THE POINT OF THE POST.

Saying stage 4 doesn’t make you more special, saying peri menopause doesn’t make you more vein.

Thank you @Angrybird76 @Rosecoffeecup @SeedsOfReason and @SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes for getting the point and actually reading the post!!

I'm not annoyed by people using accurate terminology to describe women's medical and lived experiences.

I am annoyed by the Tik Tok-esque way in which patients refuse the concept of differential diagnosis. You can either have ADHD or perimenopause. Nothing else.

All the while these symptoms you are experiencing might be due to ovarian cancer or undiagnosed dyslexia.

I hate the way women are supporting their doctors to be a bit crap. Claiming everything is perimenopause is quite dismissive of the gamut of health problems women face that are under-diagnosed and poorly understood and treated as a result.

Disclaimer: I was diagnosed with endometriosis while I was on the urgent pathway for investigations for possible ovarian cancer and have a child being evaluated for autism, adhd and dyslexia atm.

I can only assume you think people are bragging when they say peri menopause and are in fact showing off how young they are, which is why the analogy didn’t land for you.

If that’s not true, please explain how I was “factually so far off the mark”.

I do know there are stages of cancer and what they mean, I also know there are stages of menopause and what they mean. I think it’s important that each of those things is properly labelled. Maybe you don’t, but I do.

Menopause and peri menopause is also life and death, many, many women commit suicide when they don’t understand their experiencing peri menopause symptoms, perhaps because their periods are still regular or they perceive themselves as too young. It’s sad that you don’t think that accurate vocabulary should be used so that these women can talk about what is happening to them. Maybe you think that gift should only be given to cancer patients?

(for reference, I was implementing a device knows as reductio ad absurdum. It would be absurd to take the stance I set out for cancer. I think it is just as absurd to take that stance for menopause).

You're comparing apples and oranges.

Nobody much likes getting older.

I don't judge this but using peri instead of menopause does give some women the comforting illusion that they're not as old as they are.

Not every woman is clued up on the differences, either.

Am I saying this is true of ALL women? Of course not! Some, though, certainly.

I don't even judge them for this, it is what it is.

So now it's a 'stealth boast' to say you're in perimenopause?! 😂

Nope. I can testify that I currently feel like I'm every one of my 47 years, and more. Gammy hip, referred pain throughout my right side joints, weight gain and muffin top - yet all still with the additional icky feelings of regular(ish) periods, including ballooning with water retention. I just love 'only' being perimenopausal. 🙄

The fault still lies with the abusive prick, not with perimenopause.

Using peri instead of menopause is accurate though. It’s not apples and oranges, it’s two (potentially) serious medical statuses that mean different things. Why do you think they are so different examples, out of interest?

Open discourse that you can be suffering from peri when you don’t think you’re old enough for the menopause (eg early 40s) can help people spot the symptoms early and get the help they need. Menopause actually affects people much earlier than they think - it’s not about not saying you’re not old, it’s about saying I still have my periods but have potentially debilitating symptoms that need medical care.

I take just as much of an issue with discouraging the use of “peri” in case people are clinging to youth and vanity as I do that people might be saying Stage 4 cancer to be special. There’s probably plenty of people who understand the stages of cancer as little as they understand the stages of menopause. That doesn’t mean we should discourage people from legitimate use of correct terminology for fear of being seen as vain. There are also definite examples of SOME people using stage 4 cancer as an attention seeking device - but that doesn’t mean we are telling other people with a cancer diagnosis to change their accurate language so that they don’t get judged as an attention seeker.

A couple of further points having now read the full thread

Some of the women on here are describing what might be medically described as premature ovarian insufficiency rather than peri-menopause. There are different implications for treatment of both and a distinction needs to be made.

If you have flooding and clots with periods, you need further investigations to rule out ovarian and endometrial cancer. For the latter, this is even more important if you have obesity. Please don't dismiss it as 'peri'.

Um. It's OK for people to call it what it actually is though?

The only thing that does my nut in about it is when friends or aquaintences make assumptions of where I'm at in my peri-menopause or not journey. A friend at our 40th trip away for 10 of us the same age was very "am I right ladies" about it all and some of us were like "um... not yet but do please share" - a couple of the group were pregnant or going through IVF or not just not started peri yet. Some were fully in menopause because of hysterectomy surgery or cancer treatment. We're all the same age but all in completely different places.

However, it is so helpful when these female friends are open and honest about their experiences, what medication or treatments have worked for them, even just the getting things off their chests and being more aware and knowledgeable about what will happen or could happen to my body and mind.

I think you're getting wound up about the wrong thing.

I wouldn't have even have mentioned cancer.

It's obviously not similar at all, could be viewed as offensive and muddies the waters.
Why bring cancer into it at all?!

The point is that a lot of women do not know the difference between peri, menopause, and post menopause.
This is just a FACT.

This fact coupled with the fact that nobody much likes the idea of getting older, myself included, could lead women to using peri instead of saying the truth which is that they've reached menopause already.

Not all, some.

Why this is being denied as something that never happens I don't know.

It's a human foible and to see it as such is not judging, or being critical, or hating on anybody.

I just think, ' come on now you're well into menopause now not peri' with a feeling of bemusement not judgement.

I have never considered that people uae peri menapause as a way to seem younger. I generally only speak about this with people i know about this subject, so i know their age, they don't need to appear younger. I think you are hyper focusing on a tiny minority of women, if they exist at all. Most people use peri menapause to describe what they are going through. As they are going through it

What lunacy is this? An OP who prefers to describe her health inaccurately to save herself the long and onerous task of saying the prefix ‘peri’? And we’re all supposed to get on board with this?

I’m 47 and refer to myself as being in peril-menopause. As does my GP, who presumably knows a bit more on the subject of my health than OP.

Since I’m still menstruating regularly, it wouldn’t make much sense to describe myself as ‘menopausal’ just to shave off that Usain Bolt nanosecond that OP appears to find so vital for her hectic schedule. 😐