He just walked into my room like it was nothing

[Recharged1]

Didn't know where to post this so sorry if it doesn't fit, but it really bothered me and I just want to vent.

I stayed with a good friend last weekend. She is an amazing friend but maybe too trusting at times. Anyway, she said on Friday that another friend of hers would stay over that night and just crashing as he needed a place to stay and would be off again in the morning. I didn't like the idea initially because he is a stranger to me but he literally just arrived dinner time, we got on really well and went to bed at a reasonable enough hour.

Maybe 10 mins after I'd gone to bed he came to my room and quite clearly came on to me. Now we had gotten on well that evening but at no point had I been flirting with him at all (at least I don't think I did!). He didn't touch or corner me to be fair but it was still really unsettling and I felt really uneasy at night and pushed my bags against the door.

I told my friend the day after and she seemed confused and uncomfortable but it made me feel like she was trying to imply that I had misinterpreted what he had said.

The whole thing made me so uneasy. First of all his completely inappropriate behavior of coming into my room. Then the fact that he has a key to my friend's place where she lives on her own with her daughter. And her weird reaction which seemed like she was trying to brush it off. I get that they are friends but if a friend of mine had done this I'd be furious at least. He was gone the next day but apparently was back while we were out and she seemed happy that he had sorted some of her housework for her. I think it's been the most uncomfortable stay I have had in a long time!

Agreed. The child abuse comments are pure hysteria. He was out of line based on him simply knocking and immediately walking in.

But to jump from that to abuse of underaged children really is a stretch and a half.

And you think that he’d risk that carefully crafted cover to come on to me on the off chance? I really have trouble believing that’s.
I found his behaviour shitty but during the evening I just saw a guy who behaved perfectly normal with a child who seemed happy and bubbly. If I’d seen anything that gave me doubts I’d absolutely act on it.

There’s a healthy level of wariness on one hand, but then there’s an unhelpful level of paranoia / disempowerment on the other, with some women taking the perceived ‘threat’ too far.

I kind of get the feeling that some posters here would have women wearing a burka and mandating segregation of the sexes if they could.

It is shocking how in 2026 women still defend bad behavior from men and excuse it. You see it over and over on here with boyfriends, sons, etc.

Haha carefully crafted cover my arse. He doesn’t have to carefully craft anything - people are falling over themselves to say he’s a nice guy despite his behaviour and also having never met him. People act like child abusers are like undercover spies but they’re absolutely in plain sight, it’s just no one wants to look. I hope for all your sakes he is just predatory towards adult women he’s never met before op and always takes the first no as an answer.

I would be uneasy too. Im glad he asked politely and then left when you said no. Maybe he thought you were into him when you spoke earlier in the night. He should have knocked before entering and asking.

What a creep 🤮

Respectfully. I’m the first person to call out someone for their behaviour but I will not accuse someone of something without evidence.
Posting here has been both very helpful but also eye opening about the extremes people go to. And I admit that I got roped into this panic initially until it became too obvious that people were just trying to create drama. It’s horrible and I now feel that I over reacted considering the sometimes extreme reactions here.

Name me one genuinely decent man in the history of the world that would let himself into a woman’s bedroom who he doesn’t know, sit on the bed she is in and ask for sex. I don’t care how ‘nice’ he was when you said no, he should never have been there in the first place. Men who pull shit like this don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt imho and he wouldn’t be anywhere near my dd or any of my friends’ dds because he doesn’t truly care about consent and boundaries. I’m not saying he’s a child abuser but the flags are out and flying and he is at best a shit friend and shouldn’t be around lone women because he can’t be trusted, due entirely to his own behaviour. And that is on him, not you for feeling uncomfortable and not me or any of the other posters for pointing it out. I wish you all well (except him of course).

I agree with this tbh.

The OP's original impulse to find the situation weird was correct, her boundaries and judgement is right.

I don't think she really can take any "action" though apart from to feel her feelings, and be more guarded with her female friend and not stay over again.

Most genuine male friends would step back, and if anything be incredibly embarrassed at crashing a women's catch-up.

They'd get on their phone and hide as much as possible apart from to use the loo!

Unfortunately a lot of people are just desperate and completely shameless - can be married men, can be single, can be married women, can be single women!

They often have good qualities or are quite charming/know how to make themselves indispensable.

They know how to spot people who are vulnerable/trusting and dominate them socially. It's called "cuckooing" in some circumstances.

It sounds like this guy is a social dominator....wandering around the place and helping himself to what he wants. Even choosing to crash instead of booking a hotel.

Ultimately its up the OP's friend to set boundaries.

Maybe if the guy is good looking and sociable she feels so lucky to have him around she lets him do what he wants?

There are lots of people who put friends on a pedestal (especially if they are attractive and out of their league) and are absolutely desperate to keep them in their lives.

@Recharged1
My guess is that she sees him as "her man" and although she knows he's not her finest choice it still got her that he came onto you
A polite smile does not a sexual invitation make
But I tell you now
She will drop you before she does him
As any man is better than no man at all
So I'd not bother with her anymore
But before you go do
Gently remind her she is the mother of a young defenceless girl.......

Government agencies in multiple Western countries say that 1 in 5 children are sexually abused by men. Are you saying that they are "purely hysterical"?

"I kind of get the feeling that some posters here would have women wearing a burka and mandating segregation of the sexes if they could."

Why TF would women have to wear burkas? They need to have MUCH more economic and social power than they do currently for things to get better. And segregation of the sexes is exactly the opposite of what is needed, which is anti-patriarchal socialisation of men and women.

Women need to accept that patriarchal conditioning causes men to do enormous harm to children, to women, and to each other, and we all need to stand up against it to improve things for all of us.

Hi OP

Is it not important to consider risks? Rather than dismiss them because someone seems ‘normal’. Men who sexually assault women and children don’t look like the Child Catcher. They’re regular, apparently nice, helpful men.

My previous point on this was that groomers and abusers test boundaries. Not just the boundaries of the intended victim but the boundaries of people around them (parents, grandparents, friends). If they go unchallenged, they’re emboldened.

Of course, this man may have simply been after sex with you. Which he clearly was. You know that because he suggested you spend the night together.

But, he didn’t act normally with you. He breached boundaries. He disrespected you. And he disrespected your friend. As I said before, I have good friends who are men. We’re 50s-60s and certainly not pearl-clutching prudes. Far from it! But, I’d be appalled if any of them did what this man did to you to a friend of mine, who’d gone to bed in my home. Or who thought it was fine to have sex with my guest (with her consent) when my kid’s in a nearby room (unless it’s a very big house) and I’ve kindly let him stay.

This man doesn’t respect boundaries and shows signs of dominance and entitlement in your friend’s home, e.g. going in her room for the towels which you clearly felt was off or why mention it?

It’s important to consider his sense of entitlement may extend to her child. Not saying it definitely does or accusing him of any wrongdoing whatsoever. But important to consider. And suggest to your ‘overly trusting’ friend that she makes objective risk assessments when it comes to her, her child’s and her friends’ safety. Which includes not dismissing concerning behaviour when it occurs, as “Oh, John’s not dodgy, he’s lovely”.

Citing facts == insisting a man who was inappropriate with an adult woman must be watched around children.

But the comments here really seem to be suggested segregation of men from strange women and men from children. It’s deranged.

Objecting to men you don’t know inviting themselves into your bedroom, sitting on your bed and asking you for sex is deranged? I’m really confused. What’s this got to do with women in extreme patriarchal systems having to cover their entire bodies lest they tempt men? Other than I can draw a straight line between this guy, abusers and rapists and women being forced to deal with the consequences of that through their actions and behaviour even though it isn’t possible to do that.

I wouldn’t feel sexually liberated by a man forcing his sexual interest on me which is what this man did, he forced the situation which is what a lot of posters can see. I’m surprised anyone thinks this is normal or acceptable behaviour from a grown adult man.

I have said that I’ll talk to her about it so it’s on her radar to have a conversation with her dd about boundaries.
But that’s all I will do. I will not make any accusations against this man or god forbid report my friend to ss. I don’t know what else people expect me to do!

I don't think anyone has said you should 'make accusations' - but it would be pertinent to be aware of the risks that your friend is taking (and that by extension, she took with you). Depending on your relationship with her, it might be appropriate to speak to her about it.

This man isn't 'just any man' he's already breaking boundaries left and right.

I'm not sure why so many people want to equate 'man is not behaving normally. Let s keep an eye on him'

With

'He needs reported'!

You know what happened. You posted here because of your own discomfort about it.

Don't let the 'liberated cool girls' talk you out of your own misgivings.

Can you quote the post you're referring to? I must have missed that.

People are only saying that women generally don't want men in areas they are vulnerable/ undressed/unconscious- its quite a low bar really, and crime stats support this as a sensible precaution.

If you want to play fast and lose with your own safety, go right ahead, I hope it doesn't come back to bite you on the bum. But you don't get to label other women's reasonable concerns as 'deranged' - because they aren't.

There was at least one person who suggested that I should report my friend because of safeguarding concerns. And that I will not do based on what I know.

What people expect you to do is talk to your friend about how this guy immediately broke social boundaries with you and you're concerned how he's behaving with her in her home. He's pushed past normal "friend" boundaries, he comes off as a creep, and you're worried. You have concerns to share with her and one is how she's given him open access to her home with a child there.

You were spending the night for a planned girls' night catchup and here she lets some complete stranger to you barge in on that and use her house for a place to stay and then he comes into your bedroom to hit you up for sex. That's pretty brazen behaviour. This guy is flying serious red flags.
If I were you, I would ask her about doing a Claire's Law request on him, since she's given him a key.

Yes brazen for sure and entitled. Never come across someone behaving like that before. And I said that I would raise it with her. She hasn’t commented on it since.

OP, you were a guest in a friends home and he approached you in your bedroom, entering without asking, looking for sex.

That is not normal behaviour.
If my friend had such predatory scum accessing her house with a daughter there, I would absolutely be concerned about that child.

Safeguarding is not that an unreasonable suggestion.

He sees women as a commodity.
You cannot for a minute suggest that a man with decent boundaries would behave like this?

That home was not a club where a woman might expect to be approached.
He treated your friends home and her guests like he was on safari.

Appalling behaviour. Completely inappropriate and a violation of her home and friendship.

"He treated your friends home and her guests like he was on safari."

Oh God give me strength 🤣