He just walked into my room like it was nothing

[Recharged1]

Didn't know where to post this so sorry if it doesn't fit, but it really bothered me and I just want to vent.

I stayed with a good friend last weekend. She is an amazing friend but maybe too trusting at times. Anyway, she said on Friday that another friend of hers would stay over that night and just crashing as he needed a place to stay and would be off again in the morning. I didn't like the idea initially because he is a stranger to me but he literally just arrived dinner time, we got on really well and went to bed at a reasonable enough hour.

Maybe 10 mins after I'd gone to bed he came to my room and quite clearly came on to me. Now we had gotten on well that evening but at no point had I been flirting with him at all (at least I don't think I did!). He didn't touch or corner me to be fair but it was still really unsettling and I felt really uneasy at night and pushed my bags against the door.

I told my friend the day after and she seemed confused and uncomfortable but it made me feel like she was trying to imply that I had misinterpreted what he had said.

The whole thing made me so uneasy. First of all his completely inappropriate behavior of coming into my room. Then the fact that he has a key to my friend's place where she lives on her own with her daughter. And her weird reaction which seemed like she was trying to brush it off. I get that they are friends but if a friend of mine had done this I'd be furious at least. He was gone the next day but apparently was back while we were out and she seemed happy that he had sorted some of her housework for her. I think it's been the most uncomfortable stay I have had in a long time!

I would be furious if a man came in to my room uninvited after I’d gone to bed. And yes I can’t understand why your friend would minimise it. Maybe she fancies him.

Are your friend and him having a fling? She sounds a bit taken back by it.

My mind went immediately to your friends nose was slightly put out of joint that he came on to you and she may be in denial.
I would be interested to see if anything developed between them and how this would play out 😳.
It's the only explanation as to how unsupportive she was.

That’s a doubly uncomfortable situation: creepy man and unbothered “friend”.

Well you got rid of him OK, and hopefully won’t meet him again, but your friends’ behaviour is very weird and disappointing.
I’d find it hard not to bring it up again and try to find out her thoughts; if she keeps brushing it off I’d probably take a step back from the friendship.

I’d be furious if a man came into my room after I’d gone to bed. Completely inappropriate, especially a man you’d only met that evening. I think I’d have been quite scared actually.

I don't think that they do, but not sure. He sure treated the house like his own and even marched right into her bedroom to get a towel for himself and brought one for me too. That was just in the evening before we all went to our own rooms. I've never come across such brazenness before but I don't think she even noticed or cared at the time. She is lovely but sometimes a bit away with the fairies.

I was scared too

If he knocked, because he thought you were interested, or to ask for something in the room, and then left when told, that's fine.
If he just barged in, or refused to leave when asked, I'd not be happy.

Did he knock on your bedroom door or just walk in? When you say came on to you, did he try and kiss you?

It sounds bizarre and creepy.

I don’t think we have enough info. I wouldn’t be scared or upset if someone I’d got on with and who was vouched for by friend knocked and chatted to me from the door for example.

I wouldn be upset if he just walked in and approached me and tried to get me to sleep with him.

Of course you’re entitled to feel upset about either scenario but a more detailed description would be useful.

Are you for real?

She was vulnerable and cornered should anything sinister have happened.

Very sinister OP.
I would be spelling it out for your dim friend with very poor boundaries.
Is she in a casual relationship with him.
Very odd and she has a child?
Honestly I would be very concerned.
I certainly wouldn't be staying again.

Bloody fucking men.
What did he expect? For you to say ‘oh yes strange man I’ll jump into bed with you in someone else house’.
The sheer nerve of the man!
I would have screamed and told him to get the fuck out,
Hope you are ok. He’s a twat and I wouldn’t be staying with your friend anymore.

WTF? What did you say to him when he came walking in???
Sounds like your friend is either in a relationship with him (& he’s untrustworthy) or she wants to be with him and he’s taking advantage. Either way, an unrelated male should not have a key to a property where a child lives. If he’s walking into yours & your friend’s rooms then he’s obviously walking into the child’s room! That is a massive safeguarding issue.

When you've been a solo traveller for as long as I have you learn to carry one of those tricky little door lock from the inside gadgets you can buy on Amazon. Before that it was a rubber door wedge. I have slept soundly in some very sleazy places.

He was gone the next day but apparently was back while we were out

Has he gone through your bags/laundry/valuables?

"Marched"?

I'm sure he just "went" into her room to get towels.

If he didn't knock on your door before entering then it was really rude - you don't need to attach menace to every single thing he did during his visit.

I have a key to my friend's flat because we are very good friends - that means it's not "brazen" of me to put the kettle on without asking or move around the place in a normal way.

I totally agree with @Sunbringer and I think you're being really dramatic.

How was she vulnerable just because she is female? yes it is a very overused word

no point had I been flirting with him

woman do this, they go back over there every move to see if they did something to instigate the behaviour

he is a privileged man who didn’t give a second thought to how you felt but he wanted sex so came to your room to see if he could get what he wanted

he is a dangerous predator

As others have said - it does sound like something may have gone on in the past with her and this friend but it’s no longer. For him to feel comfortable enough to get towels etc., that suggests past intimacy. It may have been very brief hence your friends attitude to his interest in you. I’m sorry he was so creepy about it, OP - maybe he expects poor boundaries in women. Your friend minimising it suggests you might want to pull back from her a bit 💖

Men are physically stronger than women, regardless of how they use that strength. Yes there are exceptions on both sides, but overall that’s the case. Hence her vulnerability.

I think you and @Sunbringer need better boundaries.

Ugh, OP. So many men think that if you're polite to them and smile, it's am invitation. He sounds creepy as fuck and I think it's weird that he has a key to her place and he needs to crash and then comes and does housework and then goes again. WTF? I would definitely say they're dating except he came on to you, and if they were dating I don't think he'd do that, as obviously you would tell her.

You can get these little devices of Amazon that jam the door shut. It's never a bad thing to have one with you when you go away.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Portable-Additional-Unauthorized-Traveling-Apartment/dp/B08NKBS7BZ/ref=sr_1_11?crid=4BWH6LY8FXWZ&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.1lpya-gTDbYr6b5zu55faLUt0B6V_agLsY3y5WOFgJ0yH6paO-8_a0FgYE2a2Po44Qd5EQIJNQHyho6Xbtoog0rQGS6K0cTU7Y2TbBYiRwsF1063zLnwtmPBuDPI-r4ljNw1m4fY6yhnz1EpDp8D3Sr_Rn3dOt4rpGleBKT5exqLjEOWMCEkRTof6Id9F6m546czVBx9u1BYyg5OpsqYIpfg9s8rlYuqIRUrV5wziqAiEnwmaPMdzkWMUOLZOzobxalA9H_BoVbBFKf2ItMPze4FhLdowfThzvR51IcziFk.NSjt3YSY9I9UAJa6zhw5b8udHFUeDWlJKeLxKDc4SxE&dib_tag=se&keywords=door+jammer&qid=1791263127&sprefix=door+jammer%2Caps%2C245&sr=8-11

Bur he DIDN'T knock and then chat from the doorway. OP said that he barged right into her room and that it was clear he was coming on to her.

They had just met. Not even knocking on the door and chatting from the doorway is OK. Would you expect that from a stranger at a hotel? Same thing. He's a stranger to her.