To be appalled that parents need to be supported by government to potty train their child

[Wisefishswimpast]

That^^

Why are these parenting fails happening? - not potty trained for starting school, tooth extractions in young children, rising obesity rates….

Is there no accountability?
Why is this happening?

YANBU - parenting standards have declined which is terrible

YABU - this is how things are because….<explanation>

I know there will be exceptions to the above, for example certain health conditions, late maturation of signals between brain and bladder. I am referring to the more widespread rise in these instances.

PP specifically equated EHCPs with 1:1. As it stands we don’t even have one between 4. 1:2 would be amazing.

I agree that there absolutely isn't enough funding. More is needed but unfortunately I don't see it happening.

Thank you for what you do as a TA.

Also can't take coats of use scissors as they have never used them (arts and crafts)
Not take off shoes or put them back on.
Not put stuff in their school bags
The list is endless

I couldn’t agree more. After over twenty years in education, I’m actively looking for another job. I just can’t do this anymore.
If anyone would like to know what it’s really like in schools at the moment, then take a look at the “Burnt Out in Education” post. 😬

He does actually have a 1:1….but she’s off with stress! Having different people would not work for him so he’s sharing a TA currently as supply would be disastrous.
I understand about the intimate care plan - which he does have but there were only two members of staff named. His 1:1 - who wasn’t there and an MSA who is also a 1:1 for another child?
Was I supposed to leave him wet and distressed?
I have now been added, so assume it will continue to happen.
I have had 3 other EHCPs come through in the last few months and they hardly ever say 1:1 any more even if needed.
If it doesn’t say it, they definitely won’t get it.

Yes I have to agree
it is a disgrace

I think this should be reintroduced

I do agree it's a lot of parents being lazy BUT I think there's also other factors at play.

Firstly (someone mentioned here) HVs used to give advice, guidance, and a healthy dose of shame if you hadn't done it. Well now you don't typically see a HV, at least in my area, after 2 so that help/boot up the arse has gone

Secondly, mother's are much more likely to work than they used to, most households can't survive on a single income. The affect this has is where do you find the time to potty train? Very few kids will get it after a couple of days, you need at least a week or two in the house no distractions to just get it done, nurseries will support when they return to nursery but can't really take the lead on potty training, you have to break the back of it first. Is not very enticing when you only get 4weeks annual leave to spend 25-50% of it potty training. I'm taking a week (next week heaven help me) unpaid parental leave to get DS started with potty training, but plenty couldn't afford to do this.

I have not read all your posts, but assume you consider yourself an 'older/experienced' mother. You also seem to hold HV in high esteem. I cant even tell you how much bullsh!t I heard from HV's in case of both of my kids, advice that is so outdated that it made my ears hurt to listen to it, contradictory advice, regurgitating the most basic stuff, often not even correctly, advising me to go against pediatrician's advice to start specific medication because in their opinion it was not necessary- and we're talking about 4 different so called 'professionals'. Not to mention the knowledge of SEN was less than zero.
I think with older mothers it's often the same thing- you think you have some sort of amazing advantage and knowledge, like it was of value 20 years ago and worked for you, great stuff, good for you.
But looking at people who are currently 30/40- so many of them lack basic reading, manners or comprehension skills, so maybe the older mothers and HV didnt do such a great job after all.

Well yes they should be funded but different governments make it hard for the school to get funding. Who else do you propose changes my autistic child's nappy? He is entitled to be at school. He also enjoys going.

No child should be going to school in nappies. It is completely unacceptable.

They won't even assess my non verbal autistic four year old for an EHCP. Which we are fighting. Unfortunately I suspect he has to have all the attention of the class TA because he likes to climb or play in the toilets. Even climbed a fence last week.

Social media and screens taking parents attention away, as well as what it does to kids.
parwnts are more aware of mental health and terrified of traumatizing kids so boundaries etc are harder to set or feel riskier, especially with mix messages on social media - I know im
personally wary of being strict about eating veg etc as I don’t want to give my child an earing disorder but equally I don’t want him malnourished or with rotting teeth either!

Couldn’t you go in to do it?

that’s what would have happened in the past

Use the ‘oh crap potty training’ method with no pants and commando for a while

No way? Really?!? No one thought of that in the hundreds of replies.

So parents of disabled children aren't allowed to work? (But also moaned at for claiming benefits)

Bingo! Also what if need time to myself?

When do I get to work then?

Yes if you work then fair enough but if the parents don’t then they could come in especially if it was poo, who wants to have to deal with that if it’s not your child especially at 4 or 5

Until it was banned for being discriminatory.

If you know anything about SEN parents they are not lazy and will be desperate for a break whilst their child is at school regardless if they work or not.

It’s lack of special schools in my view. Too many in mainstream and too many needs for regular staff to deal with. We need more special units too. Then dc move into mainstream if they can. We not have mainstream first and failure and then TAs who are doing personal care. They are not Teaching assistants. They become carers. I think the only way round this is special classes with carers.

Agree re funding but teachers didn’t sign up for dealing with feces. No one is benefitting from inclusion policies - now more than ever there is the need for specialist schools and this is made even more untenable that teachers are expected to change nappies as well as teach the curriculum. Can you even begin to imagine a day where you are expected to manage the toileting needs of several children and teach a class of 30 - and that’s without taking into account all the other social issues that schools are supposed to manage. It’s an absolute disaster. Your child is entitled to an education but it should be in an appropriate setting, which isn’t main stream school if he needs intimate care.

I agree with you completely. I also don’t think children should be allowed to start school or nursery (term after third birthday) unless they are potty trained. That used to be the case, and funnily enough, we were not in this inexcusable situation.