To be appalled that parents need to be supported by government to potty train their child

[Wisefishswimpast]

That^^

Why are these parenting fails happening? - not potty trained for starting school, tooth extractions in young children, rising obesity rates….

Is there no accountability?
Why is this happening?

YANBU - parenting standards have declined which is terrible

YABU - this is how things are because….<explanation>

I know there will be exceptions to the above, for example certain health conditions, late maturation of signals between brain and bladder. I am referring to the more widespread rise in these instances.

Of course there is some luck involved. Some get it in a couple of days. Hardly sounds like hard work.

Has your child never refused to go in their car seat or pram? Because DD1 did “potty sitting” as advised by ERIC and then one day, after over a year of this, had an almighty tantrum and refused flat out to sit on the potty. Nothing had changed in my eyes, but something freaked her out. Short of physically manhandling her into sitting on it, I didn’t see what I could do.

We potty trained at about 2yr 10 months. DD1 was very linguistically capable, but never seemed bothered about dirty nappies so it was really tricky because I had newborn, EBF DD2 and DH working away. I kept asking health visitors for advice and all I was told was “she’s still young, no need for concern yet.” It was really frustrating.

I’ve worked in EYFS/KS1 and seen all sorts. Including toilet trained Y1 children sent in on school trip days wearing pull ups because the families always used them for long car journeys.

I absolutely agree with you - the situation is already failing and will only get worse. Mainstream school is not the place for children who need nappies, non verbal, violent etc . The system should be that some children would start school in specialist provision and then transfer to MS if that becomes appropriate not the other way round! There’s a child in my son’s Reception class that the LA have agreed needs specialist provision but that it will take several years possibly to find a place. In the meantime the classroom has to be evacuated several times a week to ensure staff and children are safe. Why are we accepting this as parents? No one benefits!

It's frustrating because all through pregnancy and with health visitors in the early weeks it's drummed into you to only trust NHS guidance and not anything else you read on the Internet. Then we mock parents who followed that guidance in good faith.

I'm glad I didn't stick the the NHS guidance but I wouldn't judge people who did.

If it’s isn’t hard work, why did it take so long for your neurotypical child to grasp it? Was it down to them or you?
You seem to have a bit of a chip on your shoulder because other parents have potty trained their neurotypical children.

We should be investing in bringing back health visitors so parents have somewhere to connect to for support. Expecting parents to "just Google it"and assigning schools to pick up the pieces is no way to raise the next generation.

Apples are still apples
Bananas are still bananas
Potatoes are still potatoes
Rice is still rice.

Daily decisions to give ultra processed food, are still decisions.
Regular treats are not treats, they’re replacements for nutritious food.

People choose every day what to feed their children. Laziness, packets of stuff win too often…. Sure it’s easier!

How many want the support though? The ones that want it, will look for it. Social media, google, AI, books, NHs website. It’s all there, willingness to try harder isn’t always.

You don't need a diagnosis to be on the nursery/school SEN register. For a parent to be on the (ridiculously long) waiting list, there are going to be signs that the child needs an assessment. There will still be an NHS record of GP visits, referrals and whatever else. The school will take that into account.

We didn't get a diagnosis until dd was in Y1. She was on the school SEN register from nursery and had all the interventions going. They didn't try to force her to talk or tell me I was lazy because she was very obviously autistic. She wasn't potty trained in nursery, but was by reception. Even without talking. (Lots of accidents though. And not at night till 8).

If there is no suspected SEN upon starting school, then it is very unlikely that it would be a barrier to potty training. SEN needs that present later, tend to be more social, communication and interaction needs or processing needs. Not impossible...but very unlikely.

Welcome to MN, where they allow the most brutal judgementalistic posts but will block you for pointing plain daily truth

My son just could not get the potty training thing done. He went to nursery at 3 1/2 with a reading age of 7, could dress himself, eat nicely with cutlery, had a wide vocabulary and good behaviour. I told nursery that we

Tbh my two sons (5 and 2) have always been offered fruit as snacks and I home cook healthy meals daily.

My eldest has always been a great eater. Loves spinach, broccoli, cabbage, all fruits.

Youngest will blank refuse to eat them and dry gags at the sight. Both parented exactly the same.

I agree that parents need to teach their children basic life skills like potty training etc. but if your child is in nursery 50hrs a week and you only really get to spend quality time with them at the weekend (when you’re also squeezing all the other million of other jobs in) then when do parents potty train them? Especially if they have limited annual leave. I’m not excusing the late potty training but I do think we need to look at the wider picture and whether the way our society is now with parents working full time, adult children having to move away from home towns and wider family to work etc is having impacts on child rearing and whether this is sustainable.

I don't need a medal or sarcasm, what is needed is for Health visitors and social media to stop pushing the line that kids need developed language and 'signs that they are ready' before trying, then when it doesn't work the government judging parents mums for their kids not being potty trained by school start age.

My DD had a significant speech delay/ disorder, put this wasn't an issue because it wasn't even apparent at 5 months.

I read up lots before DD was born (I was off sick with HG so had time on my hands) and historically and globally the late potty training currently trending in the UK is a MASSIVE outlier, it's also not good for kids as it increases risks of UTIs, and historically they killed!!

Why is it so hard for you to grasp that some are lucky and their children take to it fine so it happens quickly and with no trouble? I have potty trained a NT child unless you think I am jealous because of my autistic one so weird comment there?

all this....my child is bilingual and has muscles not working properly without visual deformity and spoke very unclear ...had all kinds of speech and eating issues. Never had any diagnosis and was on the SEN register for a while even though they lied to me she was not, because the child is very academic also. Was potty trained but teeny tiny a bit later. A real beauty. To all the haters, shove it down your ugly arse.

With the correct very very careful of me finding the right professionals this child overcame all eating and speaking issues and thrived in school. Now is a super model looking young lady with a great career.

This kind of attitude doesn't help either.

It might not work for you but it worked for them and they're sharing in case anyone else wants to try. Why is that a bad thing?

I am glad your child with limited speech was potty trained quickly but does she have autism as well? I agree it is possible to potty train if limited language but do find it frustrating that then means all children with SEN and non verbal can do it. My son seems to understand wee goes in the toilet but can't seem to get him to actually do it.

To be fair I haven't heard many say they started at five months. It came across as a bit smug. 🤷

One child I potty trained at 2.5 - very bright, chatty, seemingly NT child to everyone else. Had up to 8 accidents a day until year 2. Wasn't in nappies but getting any help for them was none existent. I went to the health visitor, GP and ended up paying privately for bladder tests. Nothing wrong. Diagnosed ND at 9.

Help is not forthcoming for bladder or bowel issues in children, you cannot get a referral for love nor money until they are 7 and even older for night time. What are people meant to do if they can't afford private? The health visitors give advice on potty training but if you've already done that and exhausted the options and your GP won't refer you, you're stuck.

In complete contrast, I did wait until 3 for second child and they were dry day and night within 2 days.

You can be academic and sen.

Unbelievable isn’t it?! Can’t be bothered to read with their child!

Who mentioned being jealous? Those are your words sunshine. It seems you do have some deep rooted issues regarding potty training and I’m not talking about your SEN child and haven’t mentioned him since my first reply to you. I’m unsure why you think it’s so easy to potty train, yet took so long to potty train your NT child.
If you want to see everyone else who has managed as 'lucky', again that’s your prerogative. I wasn’t ’lucky' and unfortunately, a stranger on the internet who struggled with it won’t change my mind on that.

This. Nowadays with both parents working, the norm is for one parent to take annual leave to do potty training because a weekend usually isn't enough. If this isn't successful, the parent then has to take annual leave again a few months later to try again. It also requires the nursery to support the efforts once they're back at nursery because 5 days at home potty training often doesn't mean they are yet fully potty trained.