Giving up work

[Oksurething]

Hi all, I am asking here due to there being a lot of followers to this sub,

my partner receives benefits for his mental health, it’s the higher rate so I could qualify to be his caregiver, his rate and circumstances aren’t likely to change.

after calculating my income, I’d be the same off financially,

would it be wise to give up working full time to do this? I’m constantly drained from work and battle to keep on top of my household responsibilities.

So, my question is; if you could get out of the rat race, would you?

Why does he actually need a carer? How much is he currently paying for care?

Or is it that he doesn’t actually need a carer, but you’ve seen a way to have an easy life by claiming he does?

Nothing you’ve said actually indicates you’re doing any caring for him though so it would be a fraudulent claim.

The benefits office will pressurize you to find work. You have to attend any courses they run to help you secure employment. Frankly it isn't worth the hassle.

Does he need a full time carer?

With your update, I would say no, even more strongly.
He seems to be taking advantage of you.
He can volunteer and spend time in church but can't WFH or do any housework?
Oh, and carers benefits certainly will be affected in the future..He's having you on because it suits him to have you waiting on him.

It doesn't sound like you have any intention of being his carer, though, so I'm not sure you could legally claim?

I think you're underestimating the risk of your own mental health getting worse without the routine and stimulation of going to work.

Personally I would find it soul destroying to have no outside interest but to be my partner's carer instead . If this is the life you wish, then yes, but at mid 30s I would caution against making your world so small

I also wonder how you can be his carer if you live separately and have a teen. Unless you are moving in with him. Which would be a huge mistake.

I appreciate there is some judgement on taxpayers etc. sorry to offend but that’s not my question, it’s more about how we spend our lives
Of course it isn't! It's the heart of the matter but you don't want to have to consider how immoral it is. The irony you would say you want to do good. The best way to do good is by being self reliant and not becoming dependent on those who do work M-F and only have 25 days holiday even though they'd rather be paid to be lazy.

Your partner is clearly not needing care now. This is whats all wrong with CA. It makes me cross that people who would love to work but have genuinely no choice but to be 24/7 carers are getting a pittance because of people like you who just want to laz around.

Exactly this! The system is so broken, our economy is screwed.

Which is why welfare reforms are in hand and will be Actioned, at various stages in the future regardless of which political party happens to be in power at any particular time.

it might seem an easy way in the short term to not work, but a lot of people will be in for a hell of a rude awakening when they realise they’re screwed financially

You are only in your mid 30s- do you not have any ambitions or career plans of your own? In a few years time, your child may go into University- would you be able to contribute in any way? What does your day to day caring responsibilities look like? You aren't living together, so it seems your partner can manage without needing someone all the time. So if you gave up your job- what are your plans- just volunteering?
If the relationship itself is becoming a burden, then perhaps it's time to re-think your future prospects.

Giiiiiirl. You have a child and you’re looking to make yourself potentially unemployable so that you can keep your boyfriend company at his house during the day?

Come on.

In her mid 30s. But she can always go back if her boyfriend leaves her. Because it's really easy to get a job as a single mum in this climate.

A. You say “although he doesn’t need me to wipe his ass, it would do him a lot of good to have me around, we both want to spend our lives together”. It doesn’t sound like you are his carer and indeed I wonder if this is a wind up. This can’t possibly be a justification for living off the state, surely.

B. You also say “….for me personally, it feels hard to thrive on just weekends and 25days leave a year….”. Again I wonder if you’re winding us up. You’ve just described every working adult.

'I’m constantly drained from work and battle to keep on top of my household responsibilities.'

So, the same as every single other parent and most adults in the world, then.

I wouldn't contemplate this for a second. I wanted my children to see what a good work ethic is, and as young adults, they are both extremely hard working.

Your teenager should be your priority in life, not someone you don't even live with and aren't related to.

Please focus on your son and continuing to build a future for him.

This threat just shows why my net tax contributor husband wants us to emigrate, this country is producing and enabling generations of feckless, workshy leeches.

Wouldn’t you save money moving in together ?

it feels hard to thrive on just weekends and 25days leave a year, in terms of lifestyles

Welcome to being an adult.

You have the right to claim whatever benefits you are entitled to, as long as you don't lie or stretch the truth in your claim.
But living on benefits is a shit life for most people.

You may be one of the rare people who can happily live a life of poverty for religious reasons, in which case why not go all-in and train as a church minister?

I think the fact that you think it's as simple as being "older and out of the swing of things" being your main barrier to returning to work is underselling the liklihood of gaining similar employment.

I'd also be clear woth yourself that you're effectively saying your life is done in terms of ambition, achievement and levelling up. That's fine for some, but it's also what leads to a smaller world.

There's also a level of role modelling. You're showing your son that your partner is worth stopping your outward steps into the world, at thirty something, so if something awful happened to ypu, perhaps your son would stop working to care for your partner. How would you feel about that?

Are you sure that work is what's draining you?

What if you didn't have a boyfriend?

Or your DS moves out soon?

Both if those give you more time and money.

Her DS is 15. Bit young to move out. I know 25 yr olds still living at home because of the housing crisis.

I think it would be unwise

in an emergency you are always told to look after yourself and protect yourself first

yet you are prepared to step away from work - a reliable income source, a way to look after yourself , a social network and a foothold I. Society , to give yourself more time to look after someone else ?

you really think you would have more time for you? I suspect not.

Still relatively soon though when we're talking about a thirty-something giving up work permanently.