Giving up work

[Oksurething]

Hi all, I am asking here due to there being a lot of followers to this sub,

my partner receives benefits for his mental health, it’s the higher rate so I could qualify to be his caregiver, his rate and circumstances aren’t likely to change.

after calculating my income, I’d be the same off financially,

would it be wise to give up working full time to do this? I’m constantly drained from work and battle to keep on top of my household responsibilities.

So, my question is; if you could get out of the rat race, would you?

And be at the mercy of govt changes to the welfare system? Only be eligible for state pension credits in later life, rather than a state pension and occupational pension? Christ no.

I don't know how old you are or your other circumstances but I'd be really worried it was final eg leave work, can't get back into work in the future after a significant employment gap, living on benefits forever no chance to improve your circumstances. Just to clarify, I hate working! But I'm in my early 50s, and I'd hate heading towards retirement without a plan more than I hate the thought of going to work for the next 10 years.

Benefits can always be taken away

I think it would be risky but can understand why you are considering it.

I am not in the rat race and wild horses couldn’t drag me back but we have a fairly decent household income. So our circumstances are very different at the moment.

Bonkers to do.

No, I think it would be deeply unwise.

If he doesn't need a carer, how would you qualify for carers allowance?

What would you do if he leaves you, or dies?

Heck no. He might be your partner but what if you split up and havern't worked for 5 years? You think it will be easy to get a job in that situation? Look after yourself and your future finances and stay working.

Hi OP, as above I think keeping on top of the household is not evidencing that he needs full time care, it’s more a reflection of the unequal division of labour and you feeling burnt out. Perhaps a conversation about him taking on more of the home related tasks which, unless he is immobile or in hospital he should be able to do even with a MH diagnosis. They are not just ‘your responsibilities’ in a modern partnership.

Very risky. Benefits- esp for MH- will likely be rolled back in the future.
And what if you break up?
Don't make yourself dependent on a man and the state.
Is his MH so severe that he can't do anything for else?

As a carer myself my work keeps me sane. Could you cut hours instead? I only work part time. There's also things like pensions to think about, what if benefits get cut etc.

I wouldn’t give up work to live on benefits no. I don’t think that’s a good thing for yourself or for taxpayers.

Could you cut your hours. As long as your caring for 35 hours a week and don’t earn more than £200 a week you will still get carers allowance. It’s a very lonely stressful life being a carer and a few hours a week at work could make all the difference.

How long is his award for? Ours is lifetime (10+ years minimum) so makes sense here. As can’t touch us. Also means cheaper NHS medicines (free), we get cheaper gas, electric and free electric blankets. We get 75% off council tax, cheapest water bill, endless extras not only the benefits. Makes no sense for the other person to work in those circumstances if it pushes you in to paying full price for everything unfortunately. But yes I wouldn’t do it unless his award is certain and he’s been on it very long term

Well I guess if you don't mind being poor then by all means do it.

But you do understand that you are going to poor if thats what you choose to do don't you? There will be no savings allowed, no generational wealth to pass on, nothing. You'll have enough money to live on plus a little bit of change to spend at Home Bargains and Deliveroo . If you're ok with that, or if thats what your life looks like even though you're working, then do it. Why add additional stress by working.

She’d have much more money if they pooled resources. Especially if they rent. Rent paid, lots of UC, PIP, carers allowance, discounted everything.

You can always earn more if you work. Do things to improve your situation. You will also have a workplace pension. It is never better to be on benefits unless you have no choice.

Do you have no ambition?

making yourself vulnerable to any reforms. Ridiculous to think that can never happen!

Personally no, I wouldn't make myself so vulnerable unless there was literally no other option. Also I would be bored, I like working even though it is difficult to keep up with all the other boring life stuff as well.

I would definitely reduce my hours though - is that an option? Working 3/4 days rather than full time could really help.

What happens if he dies? Accidents happen everyday. Or what if he leaves you?

That stuff can happen to anyone. With a job, you have some security and options. On benefits which are tied to your partner being with you, then you would be very screwed and unemployable if you’re out of the workforce for a long time. Can you afford to pay for a high value life insurance policy?

Being a full time carer for someone with a MH illness will be emotionally and mentally draining. It will be isolating for both of you and likely to cause spiralling.

You should work on improving your own well being. Working is good for your MH. If he is entitled to benefits and support use these to deal with the home management. Think about externalising your life with exercise and hobbies.

This is a windup right?? You want taxpayers to fund you and your partner not working because you feel like it??

where is any sense of social or moral responsibility?!

You'd lose your independence, and any shot of progression in your job and higher pay. Your finances would be tied to a relationship, and relationships don't always last forever. Don't do it!

thank you all for commenting so far,

I am mid thirties,
we live separately, I have a 15 yo,

I have a fairly good, local job but take home isn’t much for the south east and as said, I’d be only a little down,
For years, it’s seems as much my wages have gone up, so has inflation lol
I don’t have savings, riches in the family or anything, so I’m unlikely to ever be well off in my life.
Home Bargains… more like pound land lol

the believe the qualifications I have so far could help me secure another job, I’m a low paid technician in large industry (could earn more if I traveled a few hours to London) but the commute would wipe me out, I know it, I’m sure there are others who could cope, I however, would not.
If we split up or he died, would I not just explain I was caring for a relative in the work gap? I’d be older and out the swing of it but surely that’s about it,

I appreciate there is some judgement on taxpayers etc. sorry to offend but that’s not my question, it’s more about how we spend our lives, for me personally, it feels hard to thrive on just weekends and 25days leave a year,
in terms of lifestyles, we both have a desire to do good in the world, he volunteers, we both give time to our church congregation and I was considering volunteering in palliative care, so I have no worries about what I’d get up to,

AI seems to think that carers allowance is pretty stable and has been for decades,
And in terms of his award, it’s reassessed annually but his mental health records are serious and unlikely to ever be truly fit-to-work again, and although he doesn’t need me to wipe his ass, it would do him a lot of good to have me around, we both want to spend our lives together, which adds to the acceptance never being financially well-off.

thanks again for the comments ♥️ they are helping me see different perspectives

You may not have riches in the family, but do either of your parents own a home? You can't receive that inheritance AND claim benefits. This has happened to someone I know recently, physically disabled, claimed benefits for decades, their dad died and they received a third share (2 siblings) of a modest home so their benefits stopped and they're living off the inheritance until it runs out. I'm not saying that's wrong, it makes sense but you need to know what you're getting into long term. Eg never being in a better position financially.

I wouldn't.
I would worry about my pension. I would worry about what sort of a message I am giving to my child. I would worry about the slog of being a "carer" for someone and my life revolving around their needs and the household chores.
I would worry about loosing the social engagement of work, the sense of purpose, the routine, the sense of identity. I would also worry about benefits being my ceiling whereas one can always progress in work.
Ultimately, I love my job and that would be the deciding factor. I don't care if I don't have time or energy to dust or shop for food. That's not remotely on the list of my priorities.