AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

YWNBU.

Last year I went to Rome with my husband and 7 month old daughter. I was astonished by how baby friendly Italians are by default. The UK seems to, in comparison, dislike children.

The reality is, people are free to choose a child free life, they cannot however, choose a child free world.

If I’m out for dinner in the evening at a certain type of restaurant, I’d be pissed off with a grizzling baby - you say yourself she wouldn’t settle and no doubt there was a lot of shushing etc and getting up and down to see to her. It basically changes the whole feel of the evening.

Completely irrelevant to the ops question

I would be thinking, what's an 11 month old doing being out in the evening, when they should be tucked up in bed? Generally they are bound to be irritable, It used to do my head in when I worked in a supermarket and mothers would bring in their toddlers at say 9 or 10 in the evening and ask them questions like 'Do you like these shorts or the other ones?' while they screamed and wailed, obviously over stimulated and tired,

She went for a meal at 7pm, hardly late night. Lol about the "It is unacceptable to bring a known noise disturbance to an evening restaurant meal"- can you share a law mentioning that specifically and cut off timing?
The restaurant was not child free (some are), so it doesn't matter what time they attended.

I am very sorry that these two ignorant people made you feel this way, they are completely out of order. Children and babies have as much right to exist in this world as adults. How are children expected to know how to socialise, interact, learn manners, be around different people etc if we don’t take them to restaurants and these sorts of environments? From being an infant I have taken my daughter out for dinner to restaurants etc and now she is a 3 year old who has fantastic table manners and restaurant etiquette and I know I could take her anywhere and she would be well behaved and polite. Children are apart of the family and they have as much right to be in these spaces as adults do. I imagine it was lovely for your friends to see your baby as well, especially if one lives abroad. Please ignore people on here and that couple last night who are making you feel like you’ve done something wrong simply for taking your child out to dinner. You have done nothing wrong and you sound like a really lovely mum.

People are entitled to a child free life but not a child free world, as the saying goes. Take no notice.

I would say this is on the restaurant, not you. YANU for bringing your baby. The couple ANU for wanting a quiet adult meal when coming out to a restaurant. The restaurant made it very difficult for you to leave when your baby got restless by putting you up stairs. I don't get the dog argument. Surely nobody should be bringing a dog that would be a risk to a baby to a restaurant. The restaurant also chose to place a couple (who are more likely to want a quiet meal) with a larger group with a baby in a small room.

Totally different scenario, but it reminds me of when we went out for a meal with other football parents from the team my Dd played in. We went to a town centre, bring your own drink curry place on a Saturday night. Most people will know the sort of place. There was also a stag do in there. The group I was in got really loud. There was one lady in particular that was really quite drunk. For some reason the waiter decided to give her a bottle of wine someone else had left, even though she was already clearly drunk. She was in very good spirits though.

An adult family came in, dressed extremely conservatively. Even the adult kids who were probably in their 20's, were in clothes my Aunt who's in her late 80's would wear. For some reason the restaurant decided to sit them next to our group. They were eyeing us with daggers. Then said drunk lady in our group decided to share that she got her husband to dress up as a viking in the bedroom, making us all laugh (apart from her poor mortified husband) with her Viking impression. This family started telling us we should be ashamed of ourselves. Which led to a bit of back and forth with some of the parents. Thankfully we were leaving by that point. I am a natural introvert and conflict avoidant, so I couldn't wait to get out of there.

I am still not sure what the waiters were thinking of putting them next to us. One look at them and you could tell they were not the sort of people to want to be placed next to a large drunken group.

I don’t understand when the OP was seared upstairs why she didn’t say I want to sit downstairs? Lugging a pram and all upstairs is a pain!

I doubt that the downstairs contained many if any dogs as again taking dogs out (like very young children), is more an early evening or lunchtime event!

As has been said many times, take them lunchtime or early evening, before they’re due to be in bed.

lol 7pm is late for a baby who normally has bed time routine leading up to an 8pm, it’s relative!

I am really struggling to see what the issue is here. It wasn’t like the OP was taking her child to a club at midnight, it was a dinner at 7pm, hardly late. It was an opportunity for the whole family to see and socialise with a friend who lives abroad, I think that is more important than sticking to the bedtime routine for one evening.

It was late for a baby that had a bed time routine leading up to 8pm bed, its relative! Is it late for an adult, no!

We will just have to agree to disagree on this one. I don’t see what the issue is with allowing a baby or child to miss their bedtime routine to engage in a family occasion like this. You don’t agree and that is fine.

Yes I’m sure an 12 month old enjoyed engaging on a friends occasion, I’m sure they got a lot from it!

Look OP didn’t actually want to take her, thereby missing out of the friends occasion, but circumstances made her decide she would.

I don’t think that was a good idea, as evidently OP didn’t originally.

"Can I share a law"? Haha why? Did I say it was illegal?

All I hope is that the OP takes some notice of those who wouldn't have revelled in having an 11 month old rock up in a restaurant in the evening. And the reasons.

I went to an event yesterday. An auction of racehorses. Everyone was seated and silent. But still there was a woman with a baby stood up in between the rows of seated people jiggling it around and hopping from one leg to another constantly.Had I been near her I would have been annoyed at the constant action. It destroys any attempt at concentration.

Ahahahhahaa "you're not entitled to..." Also you: "I don't want to hear people talking at their tables" wtaf?? That was one of the silliest comments I have read on MN to date.

It's objectively more entitled to think it's okay to ruin everybody else's evening by bringing a baby and clearly the majority agrees because the majority in the UK respects this unspoken rule.

Finally: you must have ignored the amount of times I said I would also do this myself 😅😂 - difference is: I know it is rude and entitled, and so I wouldn't be surprised or complain about people being understandably / rightly upset about it.

And I’d rather not read thoughtless and superficial comments like yours.

It’s interesting to read a variety of opinions, but not when they’re so shallow. (I wish there was a shorthand way on here of disagreeing with a comment, as there is to show agreement).

Funniest response yet! 🤣🤣🦕

Go to a pub out of hours? Which pubs are they that serve people out of hours?

I wouldn’t want to hear your blabbering either, it seems quite unintelligent!

@MarLiz2026 , I sincerely hope you continue to go out with your lovely baby wherever and whenever you want - please don't let the selfish comments here discourage you!!
Your child has every right to be in any establishment or place where not explicitly forbidden - same as other people (and animals).
You are not supposed to tiptoe around grumpy selfish or unhappy people!! Relax and do not even pay attention!!
I had cases of wonderful restaurant staff offering to hold our baby and show him around (hovering around where we can see them clearly - not to trigger anyone here) while I enjoy my meal.
I also had less wonderful restaurant staff on holiday suggesting that perhaps me and my husband come for dinner separately while one stays in the room with the baby (and btw I was timing our dinner when the baby was not even crying) - in this case I made sure we then definitely always came down together for dinner but I was not timing our dinner for anyone's convenience anymore.
The establishments love to adverse how they are family friendly - in which case they should be friendly:))

Not sure the OP was complaining about the establishment or their staff?

Unfortunately people in the uk generally have a low tolerance threshold for other people's children -especially toddlers , which your kid is on the cusp of becoming
People with infants and toddlers are seated outside the main dining room for a reason, and the reason is nothing to do with dogs!

I live in a tourist trap and in the summer months, there are always little ones in restaurants at 9-10pm, screaming their heads off because they're over-tired. I think it's totally unfair on the child.

I agree depends on the establishment but personally wouldn't bother me anyway. I would rather a baby than older kids blasting their ipads and running about. I have a child similar age, probably would avoid evenings myself as they would be tired and grouchy, but your little one sounded like an angel.