AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

In most countries in Europe, children (and adults) will rest earlier in the day and then eat later, when it's cooler. In many European countries it would be frowned upon to take a child to eat at 4pm, and many places would be closed. It isn't that the UK is particularly intolerant, it's just different schedules. The only real difference I can think of is Italy, where children are more proactively encouraged to be around adults socialising, though that can bring downsides too (like children being encouraged to have alcohol)

We frequently took our children from babies to restaurants in the evening. Not every time (we liked a night off too now and again). The result was that both our dc grew up knowing how to behave in a restaurant (not running up and down, shouting etc.) They would have a couple of small toys to play with (car, doll) never stuck them with a screen.
If you travel to mainland Europe it’s very common to see whole families sitting enjoying a meal.

I wouldn’t worry about the grumpy couple. The restaurant obviously welcomed families.

We didn't take ours out to an evening restaurant do at that age, afternoons or big get togethers yes. Most pubs here kids have to be out between 7pm and 9pm so it's just not something I've done. It wouldn't really bother me if a baby was at the next table, I've never noticed any, so probably not the norm.

It is irrelevant as we are in the uk and are dealing with how things are here not somewhere else🤔

What's wrong with children learning how to behave in restaurants earlier in the day, and the rationale for keeping them up past bedtime?
I wouldn't take a toddler to a restaurant after 7 for that reason, any more than I wouldn't take myself out for dinner at midnight. A cranky, over tired child isn't fun for anyone.

Not sure why people keep saying the restaurant had high chairs so it's child friendly.
So does wetherspoons but I wouldn't take a baby there in the evening.

Presumably the restaurant is also open for lunch, which is family friendly.
Evening dining is generally expected to be child free tbh. You should have left once your baby was fussing and clearly unable to go to sleep as planned, or ask to be seated downstairs where you could take baby out for a walk

YANBU. Some people think they're entitled to a child-free world. Your baby had the same right to be there as them.

As you admit, you can't know what they were thinking and you've only got one side of the story.

I said I wouldn’t post on this thread again, but since I am still having so many comments I am going to do one final post. I really didn’t think it would be this interesting, nor that I would have to explain so much detail as there is so much speculation on this thread it’s unreal.

-My husband, myself AND my baby were specifically invited out by my friend
-We said yes, but said we are not sure about the baby and we will try and see if someone can have her. Friend booked a restaurant (and made sure a high chair was available) in case baby came
-Our friend also invited 2 other friends (also our friends!) and they were fully aware and happy that the baby was invited (there is something called a Group Chat believe it or not)
-My husband and I arranged for a family member to babysit DESPITE our baby being invited which is our prerogative to do
-The family member became unwell and couldn’t do it, we tried to see if anyone else could have her, they couldn’t, we decided to bring her (we checked with our friends if it was still ok and it was)
-It was the first time in a long time we have brought the baby out, not that we have been out as a couple.
-The restaurant had a planned table for us upstairs when we arrived. It was a table of 8 but there was only 5 of us + high chair. High chair was seated at the table with us and there was space for a pram next to our table (next to a wall/window and not near another table)
-The restaurant sat us upstairs because they have dogs downstairs and there is more room upstairs for a larger party (their request!!! I did not care about being near a dog)
-The restaurant staff helped us with the pram as they were also aware a pram was coming
-The couple then came up after we had already been there for 15 minutes. It was only us and them in the room
-They were not directly next to us, they were 2 tables behind us. None of our things or bodies were in their space
-I could see them because I was sat facing them. The room was an L shaped room so my husband sat next to me was obscured a bit by a wall and the other 3 of our party were opposite us facing us and not the couple
-My daughter was well behaved. Yes she made some loud noises, fussed a little (as in wanting to move) and she hardly cried hence why I said she hardly cried. She is 11 months old, she is not going to sit in complete silence the whole meal or not try and move and I wouldn’t expect anyone to do that, child or adult
-She was rubbing her eyes which is why I tried to get her to sleep. I did rock her and breastfeed her and have her in my lap and high chair.
-By me saying I put “great effort” into keeping her calm I mean I was making sure she was entertained and happy, not that she was on the brink of meltdown constantly.
-She did fall asleep at the restaurant and in the pram, it just took longer than I expected. As I mentioned in my post I hadn’t taken her out for a while and last time it was much easier so I thought it would be easier.
-The couple looked around late 70’s/80’s unlikely to have had their own babysitter like has been suggested a lot
-The couple were definitely looking at me, complaining and unhappy. The woman was staring, rolling her eyes, giving me ‘dirty looks’. The man was turning around and doing the same.
-Early on in the evening I smiled at the woman a few times when she was looking, innocently thinking she was just looking at the baby. She didn’t smile back and straight away looked and spoke to her husband and looked displeased.
-The meal was at 7pm and we were home before 9. Our babies bedtime is around 8pm so she wasn’t up later than usual or anything like that (even if she was it’s up to me if she’s up past bedtime)
-I have googled the restaurant since this post (it is about 35 minutes away from where I live so I have never been there before this night) and it is open from 5:30pm - 10:30pm on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays and 12pm-4pm on a Sunday.
-It cost around £23 for me to have a main meal and a soft drink.
-It had a children’s menu

If you have bothered to read all of this I hope that is enough information for everyone since whatever I wrote clearly wasn’t enough.

The couple are in their right to be annoyed as we cannot tell anyone how to or how not to feel, but making me feel very uncomfortable and quite obviously complaining about me I don’t think is very fair, hence why I asked if I was being unreasonable.

The general consensus is I was being unreasonable - that’s fine. I asked and that’s the answer I got, although I do think a lot of people seemed to make up scenarios that weren’t true or relevant.

I acknowledged in earlier responses I probably could have taken her out and that I usually would, but I didn’t because of the stairs and I thought it would be more disruptive than her just being upstairs and pretty settled. I don’t think that makes me extremely selfish or a terrible parent with an unruly child like again so many people have commented.

I thought I was being considerate and genuinely tried all evening to be considerate of others and to best for everyone. I appreciate now that maybe others don’t think this is considerate and that’s fine - that’s why I asked the question.

I appreciate anyone who answered politely whether they thought I was unreasonable or not - I don’t appreciate the amount of people calling me selfish, saying my child was obviously 10000x worse than I am saying she was, saying how rude and basically what a terrible person I am 😂 if my child was screaming the place down and really disruptive, obviously I would take her outside without a second thought. She wasn’t like this which is why I didn’t do this.

I’m not writing again now as this post has become ridiculous. This is meant to be ‘Mumsnet’, we are all mums trying to navigate this life - try and be nice!

I admit I’m not a huge dog lover probably because I’m allergic to the dander. Restaurants are no place for dogs with the exception of assistance dogs. Imagine the chaos if every diner brought their dog so that’s a huge no from me. I simply wouldn’t go.

OP,Please don’t let one stuffy couples dreadful reaction put you off taking your child wherever you go with the obvious exception of adults only establishments

in the UK- in many other countries (especially south) where people go to eat later this is not an issue and people bring kids.
Your expectations are your own problem, nowhere is guaranteed child free unless they have a sign on the door.

@MarLiz2026 There's one line in your latest post that basically explains it all. "Yes, she made some loud noises." That's it - that's why the couple were looking annoyed. None of us can judge whether it was much noise or not, but whatever level it was, it was clearly very disturbing to them, otherwise they wouldn't have been giving you evils and looking so annoyed.

It's also possible that it wasn't much noise but that one or both of the couple were wearing hearing aids, since they were elderly. Sudden high-pitched shrieks can be very painful for wearers of hearing aids. Even if she didn't do it much, they'd have been tensed up not knowing when the next ear-splitting shriek was coming.

Babies and evening dining out generally do not mix very well, and the combo of baby squeals and hearing aids is a good example of that. I think having everyone round to yours for a take-away or pizza would have been a good compromise, but you probably wanted to go out, and I don't blame you. I love eating out. It's so civilised.

Of course, babies have as much right to be in public as anyone else. But they can often disturb others - although adults are perfectly capable of doing that, too, and often do.

I think you've taken it a little hard. Yes, they were clearly annoyed, but your baby had every right to be there. If such a thing happens again, don't even look at the offenders giving you dirty looks. If it helps, a friend of mine said they took their toddler to a restaurant and he made one small noise the whole meal, but she got evils from another table and was a bit upset about it. You just have to not look in their direction.

Far more work for them to cook and host!

Some people are just miserable! You did a great job. I do think my daughter likes her routine, so I’d probably have to suggest an earlier evening meal/late afternoon to avoid these baby hating people. If they were so bothered, they should have asked to have been moved.

order a takeaway?

But this was in the UK? Which is what PP was referring too?

Well spotted but maybe despite being invited, they originally wanted to leave the baby at home.

"In the UK"... Yes. No further commentary necessary. This post relates to a UK restaurant and therefore, our culture prevails. It is unacceptable to bring a known noise disturbance to an evening restaurant meal, just because you don't want to stay home when your babysitter cancels... 'and' whinge about people being annoyed by it. Do it if you want but don't be surprised when you annoy people and then come on a forum hoping to be mollycoddled when you're clearly in the wrong.

Like I've said before, I would do it too if I had to 😅 but I would have the balls to ignore everyone around me.

Your baby was probably louder and more disruptive to others than you think. You very much get used to your own children's noise and behaviour. Now that mine are much older, I do notice noisy children more. That said, they don't bother me because I can ignore them, just that I've noticed child noises are more noticeable when you are past that stage yourself. Like the older couple.

You mentioned in this post that you breastfed your DD. I fully support that and good for you, but some people do have a real thing about it in cafes and restaurants. I assume you were suitably discreet (and no, I don't mean using a blanket, because I don't like to eat under a blanket and don't expect babies to either). Especially with this being an older couple, I wonder if their glares started after your nursed your child?

Well...for me I would class a "disturbance" as something like drunks at a table or kids running around a lot, a couple having a bad argument...that sort of thing.

'hardly' cried
Made 'some' loud noises
Was in the pram, out the pram, in the highchair, in OPs arms, in partners arms, rocked in the pram, had a feed.
A 'great portion' of the evening was spent trying to get the baby to sleep

Given that's in the OP, by the person who is going to be the most desensitised/forgiving, I think it's fair to assume that's some disturbance to a sit down meal!

Whilst I would prefer no children/babies when out for an evening meal bet she was less trouble than the 4 loud drunk adults next to our table Saturday night. Even worse when 2 friends came in who had also had a couple. Their conversation got so loud the staff asked if they could keep the noise down for the other diners. That lead to 10 mins of them saying " oh we best go to our table and sit down, stop making so much noise ha ha. Think we might be a bit loud ha ha". In the end it was so annoying that wr asked for our bill and left without desert or coffee. I really wanted to tell them to stfu but decided it wasnt worth the ag. That said the staff were lovely and the food was fab, just spoilt by loud selfish arsenal's.

then go to a pub to eat where children aren't allowed after a certain time . a restaurant is for all humans not just you, you are entitled. 🙄

you are totally entitled and ridiculous. nobody is entitled to a child free restaurant at 7pm 🤣 in the summer it's still flipping sunny .if you want a child free restaurant to to a pub after hours or stay home . I don't want to hear you or people like you blabbering nonsense at your table either