AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

A chain restaurant or early evening, fine.
I’d be annoyed if I was trying to have a romantic, grown up evening somewhere nice, especially if I’d paid to leave my own children at home.

Yeah, exactly. You prioritised the group, not just yourself. Sadly, the OP clearly didn't and like another poster said, it sounds like they made a huge fuss, distracting others at their tables.

I read their excuse of being upstairs but you don't need a pram to take a baby somewhere else, so it comes across as not taking responsibility for their selfish actions. However: I would do the same! Restaurants should grow a pair and just ban babies / toddlers / loud kids after certain times and if they don't then they compete with businesses who do.

Again same for dogs. Ok early evening or i a cheaper cafe type place or even the bar area in a pub, but not in a nice restaurant at that time of night.

The couple in question were 70+ in OP's estimate - which would suggest they are of the generation who would never have dreamt of bringing a baby on a night out to a restaurant, and were rightfully upset at their night out being disturbed

This is largely true - not to a 'night' out when they were very young. What we did do with our children once they were 2 or so, was take them to a local restaurant when the doors opened at 5pm (when in fact there were usually other children present) and let them experience and learn how to behave and eat in a sociable manner. There were no screens in those days so we had to be completely on the ball the whole time. They were not sitting watching screens, they were immersed in what was happening around them. And they did learn.
I wouldn't have taken any of them out at 7pm, with friends, at 11 months.
For one thing they were all walking by then and for another it would have been way too unpredictable and not at all enjoyable if the object was to have a relaxing meal with friends.

Absolutely ok - especially at that age. Obviously none of us were there to know if it was really distracting but some people think babies / kids shouldn't be at any 'non-kid targeted' restaurants at any time so they might have just been those type of people. We travel with our little one quite a lot and when we go out in the evenings with our little one, there are loads of kids around! I think our culture seems a bit more geared towards early bedtimes and routine but in others it's much more common to eat as a family at the normal time (and we do this even at home and eat at 7pm-ish as a family even with a 3 year old). As a tip for the future, if your little one will still go in a carrier, we used to always use a carrier at that age if we went out and she would often fall asleep snuggled up to one of us but it kept us hands free to eat etc. Or one of us would take the pram out to walk around until she dropped off.

Is a mother supposed to quarantine for the rest of her life because she has little children???

But people don't have little children for the rest of their lives.

Were you sat close together? I would also find it distracting if someone was getting up and down, rocking the pram etc next to me whilst I was eating. It probably would have been calmer if the baby had just stayed awake past bedtime, or went outside until asleep.

Also, for a couple without kids a baby can seem loud even if they are not screaming, as they are not used to it.

Personally I think you did the right thing not saying anything, it would only have ruined both tables nights to get into an argument. You probably both annoyed one another but the couple could have always asked to be moved elsewhere.

Exactly. Earlier generations accepted there were adult pleasures they had to forgo for a while while bringing up small children.

I agree the op should have taken the baby off to a quiet corner, pram or no pram. I feel a bit sorry for the couple who got stuck in the same part of the restaurant with the baby, pram and large group!

But it was her first time taking her baby to a restaurant, and I guess we learn as we go along. Next time I expect she will think twice about a table location where she cannot easily get the pram out or make a discreet exit. But we sometimes have to get it wrong before we get it right.

I'm not saying that's not the case and I hate seeing kids run riot in public as well, and parents are responsible for that. I have a pre schooler and we make sure when out that she has crayons etc to occupy her. But the OP wasn't talking about an older child who was misbehaving. In the UK, people are surprised to see babies/children in the evening. I do think there is a cultural difference. In Spain where everyone eats later it is normal to see children in buggies out really late at night.

Tbh, if I was going out for dinner at a restaurant I wouldn’t expect to see very small children there no matter how well behaved you think they are, I’m a mother and grandmother and all for child friendly spaces but once you pass a child’s teatime, circa 5pm, I wouldn’t expect to share a dining space with a baby, adults like to spend time away from children, probably the reason they are out for dinner without their own children?

So go somewhere where they aren’t allowed.

The first post does not make it sound like the baby was invited, it talks about we couldn’t get a babysitter so decided to take her. It’s only later that she confirmed the “us” meant baby as well.

@Calliopespa I don’t think OP would do anything differently tbh. She thinks the older couple were unreasonable 🤷🏻‍♀️

Exactly. In the UK, we have a different culture, and that doesn't mean what we do is worse. We don't have the luxury of socialising until 2am and then napping mid-day during a 2-hr lunchbreak from work 😅 so we socialise at the times we do as a country and we expect people to respect this and leave noise disturbances at home.

If the OP had said they'd taken baby to a pub 7-9pm because the babysitter cancelled, I'm sure there would be lots of posts about it being an unsuitable environment and that baby should be home in bed. I don't see the difference here, people are still drinking in a restaurant, restaurants in the evening (except Italian ones maybe) are adult environments.
The description in the OP is disruptive and that's from someone who adores the kid, I could well imagine how noisy and disruptive it was for other diners.
Why you would think it's ok to take a baby out after their bedtime is beyond me. I wouldn't expect to sit and eat my dinner in your childs bedroom, so why would you expect that your child can have their bedtime at the table next to us eating dinner? Just because something isn't explicitly banned doesn't mean you shouldn't use common sense.

Yeah, well to that extent I think she is BU.

There are a lot of these threads lately. The op comes, ostensibly cap in hand, asking for advice and perspective as to whether they are BU. But woe betide anyone who says yes!

I don't think she was unreasonable to try taking the baby, but if she won't learn from it and tweak the approach, then yes, she is BU.

I've been distracted in a restaurant like this but I was mostly really sad for the baby. That amount of fussing means they were clearly unhappy and I do judge parents who prioritise a meal out for themselves over what's best for the baby.

That's the bit I think the OP is blind to. They talk about adults at other tables being loud, but I'm happy to hear adults having fun in a restaurant. If a baby is loud it's generally because they're unhappy. If a parent is trying to get baby to sleep, I'll feel awkward about making noise near them, or waking a sleeping baby, and I shouldn't need to do that in a restaurant. I also find it hard not to worry about children out late at night, eg whether adults around them are looking after them, whether they're drinking too much etc (not that I think that's the case here at all, but I can't relax as I don't assume all is well, due to my job)

There will always be judgement by someone. If you choose to never go out cos you have a baby. If you leave them with a sitter when they are very young. If you take them out past 7! If you take them out and leave the table/ guests. If you stand up to try to settle them. If you stay seated and they start to fuss. If you give them a bottle or snacks. If you don't. If it's the first time in 11 months you've gone out. You can't win! Just be strong, you're a mother now.

People need to be more child friendly! It is never a problem (full blown screaming may be but ....)
Do NOT stop taking her out. We go out with all our five children and their children aged from 6 months to 5 and everyone welcomes us!!

We go out with all our five children and their children aged from 6 months to 5 and everyone welcomes us!!

At night when the toddlers / babies should be in bed?! In my family we prefer to select a meal time which suits the children and when they'll be able to enjoy themselves with us.

I once had a friend who whatever the time of day just couldn’t stop reacting badly if a child dared make a noise in her vicinity. She couldn’t relax she was constantly turning round to glare and it upset all flow of conversation. I gave up trying to find places. There are just some people who are like this but carry on with having your daughter with you, if the restaurant has the facilities then they’re happy and that’s what matters

In most countries in Europe this would be fine. In the uk, no.

Absolutely, now too many parents believe everyone should adore their little princesses and princes everywhere 🙄