AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

Well they are people too, no? I was making a point that even the restaurant staff is not consistent or always welcoming when it comes to kids in restaurants - so what can one expect from the other guests. In any case she should not care and she should feel free to enjoy going to any establishment with her baby unless explicitly forbidden to enter.
Also, those saying it's unfair to the child,it was past bedtime etc...have no business making such comments - it is the parent's responsibility and decision to make - and clearly she weighed the options.
I also don't enjoy dogs wagging wet tails over my coffee and pastry in any random coffee shop nowadays but dogs are welcome and I certainly don't huff and puff at dog owners.. Also a barking dog in a cafe would probably enjoy more running out about instead of sitting and waiting while the owner chitchats in a cafe but we are not calling the dog owners irresponsible and stating ' oh it must be a torture for the poor dog' do we?

OP asked AIBU, people answered! Is it only ok to answer if people say she is NBU?

Yes

That’s was in response to @Cakerose

No and where did I say that? Same as all those people I am too only sharing my opinion.
I am fully supportive of OP because I would like her to enjoy this wonderful time with her baby without her feeling like she is being an inconvenience by simply showing up for a meal with her child (I still can't believe that people feel entitled to make her feel like she is not welcomed in public places with her child!!).

Never feel embarrassed or shrink yourself or your child. You exist and have just same right to be there as someone else 💕

You said it here

Also, those saying it's unfair to the child,it was past bedtime etc...have no business making such comments

Are people not allowed to explain why the OP is BU? The context?

She is hardly being locked in the house, people have said the time was wrong! Even OP didn’t want to bring the baby and enjoy that particular time (like the other hours in that day weren’t enough to enjoy), she tried to get a babysitter.

Im not sure that is true.what was the baby's spend?

One that requires good manners.

To me, it sounds like she left her purse at home. Probably on purpose. Should have been in there doing the washing up. 😂

Hah, yeah alright, people that are annoyed by babies being in restaurants in the evenings are not prioritising their own comfort - they are in fact just thinking about the child's wellbeing - got it. 😑
I said what I said - people making such comments know nothing about the child's routine or particular family circumstances for the particular evening and have absolutely no business judging parenting skills of the OP.
Because those statements are not arguments (which are welcome as I said), those are straight up ungrounded judgements.

We do know the OPs baby’s routine as she told us, she also said baby was tired (naturally). It’s quite easy to spot a tired baby, they start rubbing their eyes and grizzling.

People will have opinions and can discuss that.

Sure, that's probably why she needed to explain herself over and over again and even do a final post after 20+ pages explaining everything again for all those who 'understood' her circumstances and how things played out at the restaurant.
Yeah - people must have got it right.
Anyway, I am not planning to engage myself in this topic anymore - but honestly - shaming a mother for bringing a baby (and a 'well' behaving one by the Mumsnet jury standards - although not that it matters at all) to a restaurant for a family meal... Just wow.

A baby that needed a lot of attention! Babies are not well behaved or not, they’re “babies” unpredictable and you can’t reason with them,

Hence me putting in it in quotes. But glad we agree on something.

Just wow!

I personally wouldn't take an 11 month with me to a restaurant if I had an option, but given you didn't have any care plans and everything was a bit short notice then I can't really fault you.

A big fuss about nothing important.

Indeed, As most of the discussions are on here,

An observation that a fractious 11 month old would have far less annoying than drunk grown adults. But thank you reading then pointing out that my comment was irrelevant. I will try and remember for next time should I ever wish to make a comparison to any OP questions 🙄

I think meals out are so expensive now you want peace and quiet not to be distracted by what was going on at your table. Sorry think you were being a bit selfish

Totally fine! Your baby is a valid guest and sounds like she did really well and so did you in managing to get her to sleep with little fuss. The couple should have asked to be moved if their position in the restaurant was bothering them- not in any way your problem.
We took our baby out loads in the first year. I've only started questioning it now he's 2.5 and it's exhausting running round the restaurant after him while he destroys the place!! Make the most of it while they can still be contained!! Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your baby!
Then again I would be sensitive to a very posh fine dining experience which is obviously a 'date spot'- however we've also taken him to them!! That's why I probably wouldn't again haha.

It's a public place, people are allowed to bring their babies. I don't understand why people go into public spaces and have expectations of how it will be to their exacting specifications, unless the restaurant explicitly says it doesn't accommodate children, which it obviously didn't. People who are 'bothered' by babies need to get a life imo.

If dogs are allowed in the restaurant downstairs then it clearly wasn’t a fine dining restaurant so people shouldn’t have been expecting an “adult only” experience.

I think you were absolutely fine. I also think, next time you should have a quiet word with the couple and ask them why they have an issue as they shouldn’t be making your table feel awkward and uncomfortable. I’m assuming they could have sat downstairs or gone to an “adult only” restaurant.

OP I have learnt that as a mum you have 2 options when it comes to this kind of thing. People generally do not want to see or hear your kids out in public (other than in places which are purpose built for kids: softplay, play cafes, McDonald’s, the park etc.,) it doesn’t matter how well behaved or cute they are. Also people are mostly arseholes. They won’t either be nice about it if your child is somewhere they don’t want a child to be.

So option 1 is that you accept this and decide not to give a sh*t, carry on about your business and ignore any judgement / staring etc.

Or option 2 is that you decide the judgement / staring bothers you too much and you don’t take your kids out to public places anymore (except of course the places I mentioned which are specifically made for kids).

From your comments I suspect you fall into the latter category and should avoid taking the baby places which are not specifically designed for a baby and at times which a baby is not typically expected to be there (i.e., in the evening). I personally don’t care if a child or baby is in a restaurant, I couldn’t even give a damn if the child is kicking right off. Live and let live and all that. But it’s unreasonable not to know that most people don’t like it.