AIBU for refusing primary school homework apart from reading?

[AntiPrimaryHomework]

My dc are 7,9 and 13. We’ve never done any homework at primary school. I strongly disagree with it all except reading.

The school aren’t happy but my dc all have ASD and ADHD diagnosed and they are too exhausted every weekday and at weekends we let them play and relax and take them out.

At secondary school we believe homework is necessary and ds1 happily does his but for primary we just don’t agree at all.

Does anyone else feel the same ?

You join a school and agree with them or don't and leave. However, our school recently stopped all homework apart from reading and a termly project. Maybe you could try asking for that.

I think if you refuse it you look like a bit of a nob if I’m honest.

We don't "refuse". We just don't do it. Year 2/ year old.

We had to formally refuse as they made us go to a meeting !

You can do whatever you choose. I would expect school to be giving children appropriate homework geared to a child’s needs. I’d also expect parents to support their Dc to attempt at least some of the homework. But I guess your principles are important to you.

I’d just rather pace their activity to avoid them becoming overwhelmed and exhausted so that they can maintain good attendance. In the afternoons they are so tired they just want to come in , eat, rest etc .
At weekends I don’t want them on screens doing all these maths things etc that we were getting sent passwords etc for, they like to be outdoors or doing lego, playing , painting, seeing family etc.

I'm with you. In primary, homework is a job for the parents not the kids - except maybe Y6. And in your case the school should be making a reasonable allowance for your children's needs. Stick to your guns.

I'm surprised you're expected to do it with diagnosed neurodivergent children. The teachers of my ASD primary age child have said not to worry about it. I can sometimes persuade him to do it but often not.
I do it with my daughter but she has no additional needs and loves learning and homework.

I can see why there's a recruitment problem in England for teachers.

Not unreasonable at all. There's no necessity for homework in primary and there's no evidence it raises achievement. None of mine did it until secondary - doesn't seem to have been a problem since all 4 went to university. Also we did reading for pleasure and they're still avid readers.

unfortunately they are very pushy with homework. The school in all other aspects is great and they learn a lot but the homework is just too much. They do read every day though.

Wise given the SEND involved and consistent with the research (primary homework makes no difference to attainment) anyway. Don’t be afraid to be robust. This is a reasonable adjustment.

My eldest has managed well with homework he’s still too tired weekdays but every Saturday afternoon he goes off and does his homework. We said to him when he was starting secondary school that he should give it a try as it’s more important at that stage and he has really enjoyed it.

This. You can't just pick and choose what rules you follow. What if parents don't think their child should have to wear uniform or start until 10am. Society doesn't work like that. Have you thought about home schooling as you can't follow the rules the school sets

Is it not harder for them / a bigger adjustment to do homework at secondary if they have never done it at primary?

Our school offer homework, but this year's teacher has really stressed she would prefer children are well rested and enjoy their clubs/visiting family, avoiding family battles etc. over trying to complete homework. My mother was a teacher her whole career, and again has said other than reading, the research does not support homework at primary.

Seriously, what benefit is it to your childrens' education creating conflict around learning and exhaustion? Is the teacher young or otherwise inexperienced?

Absolutely no way! I do not want to home educate. Nothing against those who do but I think for my dc school is the best place to be. It’s just the homework we don’t agree on - not a reason to deregister them !

I don't bother with the writing ones as they appear to be obsessed with writing/reading literacy and my son seems to do it to death at school! I will do maths ones and go all out with anything creative (which rarely happens past reception sadly)

So far it’s going ok so hopefully that will be the same with the younger two
when they go.

Just call it refusal.

tell them you need a reasonable adjustment due to your children’s needs.

Job done.

Thy made us sign something as if we didn’t they would class it as ‘educational neglect’ so they did some kind of parent contract we had to sign to say we didn’t agree with homework and wouldn’t be supporting that due to dc having sen etc. pointless really but apparently necessary to show it has been discussed and isn’t educational neglect

Shame they made it such a big deal. When DS2 was in reception/y1 I just agreed with the teacher that he would just do reading as it was having the effect of making him hate school. It was definitely the right decision because by the time he was in y5 he was fine.
I wasn't prepared to make him miserable over it and ruin family life. He was bright and well ahead in everything just overwhelmed. This was a long time ago, don't know whether schools have less flexibility now.

Thing is, if you unilaterallly refuse the homework on your kids' behalf (you say "we" refuse it) then it doesn't seem as if you've given them the opportunity to benefit.
All kids are different, but it wouldn't be too out there to suggest that some of the homeworks at least may have a good impact on their outcomes.
I could say that you're holding them back.
However you've made it clear that this doesn't interest you. You've made it clear that ADHD is a contributing factor to them not needing it, so you'd probably take that as a reason for their outcomes too.
You are closing doors on curiosity and opportunities, and you're covertly rejecting the notion that kids with ADHD can benefit from focused application outside of school, to practice and strengthen their unique reserves for eg future job requirements. Lazy, obstinate, shortcut parenting. Sorry.

Not all schools take this line. We just ignore it, apart from reading, same as you. You've taken a principled position and they have no legs to stand on.

Hmm I don't agree with homework in primary school, but I do think you should choose a school that aligns with your beliefs. My school set homework but there is no consequence for not doing it. If there is a homework policy and you are choosing to opt out then I would consider looking at different schools, especially as you have several years still of primary.