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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for refusing primary school homework apart from reading?

287 replies

AntiPrimaryHomework · 04/10/2026 16:48

My dc are 7,9 and 13. We’ve never done any homework at primary school. I strongly disagree with it all except reading.

The school aren’t happy but my dc all have ASD and ADHD diagnosed and they are too exhausted every weekday and at weekends we let them play and relax and take them out.

At secondary school we believe homework is necessary and ds1 happily does his but for primary we just don’t agree at all.

Does anyone else feel the same ?

OP posts:
Greenleavesandsunshine · 08/10/2026 15:24

Natsku · 08/10/2026 15:19

I'm talking about quality homework though, which is what I've said all along. And worksheets aren't necessarily low quality, it depends on the source, DS's teacher sometimes gets worksheets from the textbook company to access higher level maths work that fits with the lesson DS had that day.

I think your idea of quality homework might not be what educational research is looking at. Earlier, you mentioned research suggesting homework was valuable but you’ve not provided a link.
Your anecdotal evidence is interesting but it is not research. What you think based on your child matters to you but on a cohort level the evidence simply isn’t there.

Also, just because it comes from a text book doesn’t make it high quality.

Differentforgirls · 08/10/2026 15:25

I would never be a teacher for all the money in the world having to deal this pedantic shit from parents.

Natsku · 08/10/2026 15:47

Greenleavesandsunshine · 08/10/2026 15:24

I think your idea of quality homework might not be what educational research is looking at. Earlier, you mentioned research suggesting homework was valuable but you’ve not provided a link.
Your anecdotal evidence is interesting but it is not research. What you think based on your child matters to you but on a cohort level the evidence simply isn’t there.

Also, just because it comes from a text book doesn’t make it high quality.

I couldn't find a source that wasn't behind a pay wall, could only see the headlines from the news article about it so couldn't see who the authors were to look up.
I'd like to know what kind of homework the studies you reference looked at, and whether the children were doing the homework independently or their parents were helping them (from looking up studies I've seen that one of the issues identified with homework at primary level is that the children aren't capable of independent study yet so can't get the benefit from it but where I am children are expected to do their homework independently from day 1 and the type of homework reflects that expectation)

Thisusernameisalwaysavailable · 08/10/2026 15:53

Differentforgirls · 08/10/2026 15:25

I would never be a teacher for all the money in the world having to deal this pedantic shit from parents.

😂

There's nothing pedantic about not making a small child do spellings at home.

user58643296 · 08/10/2026 16:48

Differentforgirls · 08/10/2026 15:25

I would never be a teacher for all the money in the world having to deal this pedantic shit from parents.

I'm sorry, but I think you might want to look up the meaning of pedantic because the person it describes on this thread might be... you?

caring too much about unimportant rules or details and not enough about understanding or appreciating a subject

unimportant

1. not important: 2. not important: 3. not important:

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/unimportant

Pinkclarko · 08/10/2026 17:09

Didn’t mean this to be so long and don’t know if this is helpful but I have ADHD and it’s a nightmare, both in terms of getting things done and also making my kids do stuff (who likely take after me a little).

I found doing it before school but only for a few minutes at a time was the best way. They have the energy, but that one little thing won’t make a measurable difference to energy labels later, unlike trying to do it at the end of the day.

If they find that ok and it’s not too hard a task, you could see if they’re up for a time trial (eg. how many in five minutes)
I also left it open on the kitchen table and every time we were both in there I’d ask her to answer just one of the questions.

Little, often, early as possible and don’t spook them/yourself with a big impenetrable task. If it is to take a while, help them divide it up first into manageable sections and only attack one at a time.

If they’re really having a hard time engaging and perhaps melt down then don’t force it. Even teachers will tell you that. Step away and make the task even smaller later. Starting a job is so hard, so reduce friction. Some people think that because they also find starting a task hard and still do it, that everyone must be like that. Must be lovely!

I have so many ways to trick myself into doing tasks that I more or less get stuff done consistently. But I’m able to give myself a break as an adult. I’ve still had absolute meltdowns over trying to force myself to work and felt like a right dickhead afterwards but what can you do. You play the hand you’re dealt!

She’ll need to learn these skills more than most, but you’ll need to support her.

Only really persevere if she needs it. If she’s not struggling in a particular area, I wouldn’t flog a dead horse. Yes, rules are rules and that must be learned but so must a sense of proportion and learning to give yourself a break from time to time.

FWIW I think you sound like a great mum and she’s lucky to have you. Re some of the criticism above-well the hyperbole on here just comes with the territory.

Differentforgirls · 08/10/2026 18:31

user58643296 · 08/10/2026 16:48

I'm sorry, but I think you might want to look up the meaning of pedantic because the person it describes on this thread might be... you?

caring too much about unimportant rules or details and not enough about understanding or appreciating a subject

Was bless you had to look it up yet still couldn't understand it. Should have done your homework. 😁

Thisusernameisalwaysavailable · 08/10/2026 19:43

Differentforgirls · 08/10/2026 18:31

Was bless you had to look it up yet still couldn't understand it. Should have done your homework. 😁

Feel free to point out the pedantry on this thread.

I'll wait.

user58643296 · 08/10/2026 21:23

Differentforgirls · 08/10/2026 18:31

Was bless you had to look it up yet still couldn't understand it. Should have done your homework. 😁

No, love. I didn't need to look it up, which is why I understood you had used it incorrectly. I posted that for your benefit since it was clear you either didn't understand the word or weren't bothered about correct usage. Would you like to point out where posters (other than yourself) have engaged in 'pedantic shit'? Thanks!

SatsumaCandlesCloves · 08/10/2026 21:52

Op you know your Dc and what they need absolutely put your foot down if neccasery.
With my two both had different needs one I asked for hw to be stopped and her enlightened teachers agreed.
Second one we were happy to just do the work set

HeyThereDelila · 08/10/2026 22:49

YABU and setting DC up to fail.

How will they cope when they go to secondary and may have two or three pieces of homework set every day? They'll be even less likely to cope as they won’t be in the habit. Saying to a secondary school “we don’t do it” won’t wash.

Just do a few minutes of spelling or the weekly set maths or something now; it’s hardly arduous and it sets your children up far better for secondary, as well as instilling the values of hard work.

Thisusernameisalwaysavailable · 08/10/2026 23:16

HeyThereDelila · 08/10/2026 22:49

YABU and setting DC up to fail.

How will they cope when they go to secondary and may have two or three pieces of homework set every day? They'll be even less likely to cope as they won’t be in the habit. Saying to a secondary school “we don’t do it” won’t wash.

Just do a few minutes of spelling or the weekly set maths or something now; it’s hardly arduous and it sets your children up far better for secondary, as well as instilling the values of hard work.

...same way I coped when we entered secondary after having no homework in Primary?
You just adapt and get on with it.

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