You need to leave. I know you said your mum lives an hour away and is a carer, but does she have a spare room ? if so , and she would be willing to have you and baby - just go.
Tell your partner tomorrow that your mother has had some bad health news and you need to go for a couple of days to support her. ( These things happen all the time, the doctor finds a lump / mass and it could be cancer but then they investigate and it’s not. Or someone has chest pain / palpitations and they think it’s their heart . So you can always back track later if you need to) .
Then when you are there, make an excuse to stay longer. Yes he will be angry but that’s not your problem. Take your photo ID with you.
If you can’t go right now, then start documenting everything he has done to imply that you are not caring for the baby or not coping. Make a note somewhere safe like you phone ( assuming he doesn’t know your password ). Put dates and times and who was there . Take photos of any marks on the baby, however small.
If you can’t go to your mums tomorrow, go and see your own health visitor or Gp WITH THE BABY and tell them that your parther has said in front of others that you are not coping / harming the baby.Ask them to check over baby when you are there and write it in the notes.
If your parther asks, tell him you are going because of an issue with your PP bleeding. You need to take baby because she’s due a feed.
Apply for a passport online for your baby and have it posted to your mother’s house / another trusted friend or family member. This will stop your parther making an application and taking baby abroad to “ see his family “ and not returning.
DONT TELL YOU PARTNER ABOUT ANY OF THIS.
And before anyone suggests it, don’t show him this thread or tell him you are on MN. Make sure he can’t see this on your phone, log out each time.
If his comments about you harming baby are an “ innocent mistake “ , then no harm will come from any of the above . You staying at your mums will allow you to feed on demand and stop the over supply and get more rest.
If you stay at your mums for more than a few days , go and register( you and baby ) as a temporary residents with her GP. This is in case your partner claims that you have “ run away “ with baby and he’s concerned about your mental health and baby’s welfare and no one knows where you are.
If he phones up and threatens this, take baby to the Gp at your mums, tell them what he said and ask them to check baby over.
Then go to the local police station at your mums, show then your photo ID, tell them your temporary address at your mums, that baby is fine and has been seen by local GP and that your partner is threatening to report you to the police as missing and baby as in danger because he’s controlling.
This will stop the police turning up unannounced at your mums door for a “welfare check”. If they are concerned , they will phone you and arrange a time . And you won’t be living in fear at your mums . Which is why these men pull this trick - they don’t want you to feel safe.
I know this is a lot of hassle and no doubt someone will post here and say it’s an over reaction. But abusive men are very good at using the systems that were set up to protect victims of abuse against them and to perpetrate their own control.
And of course , men like this are always “ calm and logical “ when dealing with the authorities, whereas a post partum mother who is in pain, sleep deprived and terrified of losing her baby will inevitably be seen as “ tearful , hysterical and paranoid “. So you MUST start documenting this and seek support from professionals.
Your partner’s behavoir is very controlling , it’s verging on coercive control, which is a crime. He could be planning to take the baby, but it’s more likely that he wants to make you afraid so that you do what he wants. very few men actaully want 24/7 care of a tiny baby but lots more like having a wife appliance who is totally under their control.
It doesn’t matter whether or not he’s from a “ patriarchal county “ , there are controlling men in all cultures .
Remember , if he is “ totally innocent “ and you are “ over reacting “ , then none of the above will do any harm.
Going to see your mum allows him to send time with his family and sleep in the bed and you to rest and sort out your milk supply without “ disturbing him at night “.
Asking your / your mums Gp / HV to check over baby and document your concerns in your notes harms no one , the medical notes are confidential. You and baby are potentially at risk and you are EXACTLY the kind of new mum they want to seek support.