AIBU to stop school runs for a rude and upsetting child?

[Helpneeded2026]

Hi, I need help please! A school mum keeps asking me to take her little girl to school and pick her up and it’s constant! She even wants to drop her daughter to my house at 7:30am. The thing is this child is so loud and so rude to not only me but my daughter to, it really upsets my child and she cries when she knows we have to drop her off and pick her up from school. How do I tell the mum I no longer want to drop her off and pick her up? Do I send a message in advance or wait till she asks me? Just to add also the mum is rude herself and not sure how she will respond. The other problem is I sometimes help another mum but only for pick ups but her child is so lovely and gets along with my daughter so well.

Messsge her, just be really vague, you don’t need a reason. ‘I’m sorry I’m afraid these lifts aren’t working for me anymore, hope you sort something out’

'Sorry Jane, that's not going to work for me. Ruby's behaviour and the way she speaks to me is disgusting so I'm not willing to look after her any longer.'

I’d just say you can’t do drop offs and pick ups any more. If she asks why not then you just ignore that and reply, hope you get something sorted, but unfortunately you’re not going to change your mind.

All the best….

Just tell her that this isn’t working for you. I used to do a lift share but the younger boy was a real handful and one day undid the baby’s seat harness. I pulled over at a safe spot and read that child the riot act. I had to tell his mum that I wasn’t risking my child’s safety for the sake of convenience.

Spot on. What it HAS given you though is the ability to empathise, which is of course a double edged sword!

I think a lot of this problem would be alleviated if the protection of women on maternity leave ( as desired by society via employment law) was truly at the cost of society, rather than the individual company. If companies were compensated by the state for the cost of hiring, training and paying for temporary cover, most would take advantage thus relieving pressure on other staff.

I stopped picking or dropping off my own sisters kids because 1 of them was a giant arsehole and kept running away. One time he got across 2 main roads and near a pub and another adult got him back to the school just as we was preparing to ring the police. It wasn't the first time, but it was the worst time and my sister found it funny - oh boys will be boys!

Not my fucking boys, no.

This is one of those situations where you have to say it how it is, expecting there to be some fallout, either with the parent ranting and being unpleasant when you tell her, or her just falling out with you and blanking you in future encounters at the school gate. But it has to be done. Just tell her you will no longer be doing any pick ups or drop offs for her child. You really don’t need to give a specific reason.

If you aren't comfortable telling her that she and her daughter are rude, you don't have to say that.

I agree with those who are saying not to give a reason, just tell her you can't do it anymore. If pressed - for example if she notices that you are doing school runs for the other child and wants to know why - you could say something like "your daughter and mine don't seem to be getting along very well" without assigning blame.

Just say no. If she asks tell her the reason.

Harsh. Polite message saying not possible any longer and don't give reason or apologize. Sometimes hard to say no but you really need to.

Actually I want the OP to be a bit angry. She seems to not dare to say no to this entitled rude mum even though OP's kid is crying when rude kid is with them. Yes, I would tell anyone who let people hurt their children just because they have a hard time drawing boundaries to grow a backbone.

I told a friend one of her girls set off running from me (8 y old) when I fetched her from school. Didn't have to say that I wouldn't pick her up again because friend rightly laid down the law to her dd and told her to excuse herself to me for being a pain and went on to say that I wouldn't be picking her up anymore and in the future it would be uncle James (that no kid dares to disobey).

Her husband actually ended up taking 2 days a week early finishes to pick the kids up as I refused. I felt bad for a while because childcare is hard and expensive but - nah, boundaries isn't it. The pit in my stomach when I saw that mother walking back and asking me 'is this yours?' will never leave me, I was an absolute wreck.

Losing sight of your own child is hard, losing sight of a child your in charge of is just so much worse and I'm glad I'll never feel like that again.

He was 5 and had 0 road safety or lack of 'if you lose your person go back to your teacher/reception or stay stood still and call out' like most of us put into our children.

I had a friend once who had a run away child and she taught her daughter to come knock at my house and I'd pop her back when she had calmed down, but thats a long term friendship and we are a street away.

Don’t say sorry, don’t say you have a change of circumstances. Just say no.

Can you take my daughter to school today?
No.

Why not?
I will not be providing any more lifts.

Why?
If you really want to know, I have had enough of you and your very rude daughter. I won’t be giving her any more lifts.

Then walk away / block her.

We women are often just too NICE!
Putting the above into practice can be very empowering.

What is more mindblowing is that people cant grasp that not everyone is like them.
Also, its much easier to image how easy is to say no from the other side of the screen than it is in real life.

I apologise OP, I hope you got this resolved and figured out what message to send.

But if you’re a people pleaser you’ve probably not been allowed to be angry growing up. So being told to grow a backbone as if it’s your fault for being conditioned into being a people pleaser doesn’t make you angry, it makes you feel defeated. Encourage the OP by all means but castigating them, shaming them or ordering them to be a different way doesn’t help like the PP said.