AIBU to stop school runs for a rude and upsetting child?

[Helpneeded2026]

Hi, I need help please! A school mum keeps asking me to take her little girl to school and pick her up and it’s constant! She even wants to drop her daughter to my house at 7:30am. The thing is this child is so loud and so rude to not only me but my daughter to, it really upsets my child and she cries when she knows we have to drop her off and pick her up from school. How do I tell the mum I no longer want to drop her off and pick her up? Do I send a message in advance or wait till she asks me? Just to add also the mum is rude herself and not sure how she will respond. The other problem is I sometimes help another mum but only for pick ups but her child is so lovely and gets along with my daughter so well.

OP, YANBU. I would send a message (rather than phone call) in advance. Why not send one today? Use one of the suggestions on here :)

"Hi RudeCFMum, just a heads up, due to new commitments, I won't be able to do drop offs and pick ups from now on. Best wishes"

Don't apologise. You've done her more than enough favours. And you don't need to elaborate to RudeCFMum what those commitments are. Make those commitments: putting yourself and your DD first (and having a happier you and DD in a nice peaceful home).

And as for you picking up the other nice kid on occasion, well that's none of RudeCFMum's business....and it's between you and NiceMum.

If RudeCFMum persists/nags, then you do stuck record..."No, that won't work for me."

I've always been a people pleaser, often to my detriment. It's taken until my late 30's to be more confident to put in boundaries, to look after myself/my own wellbeing (and not feel guilty or worried about doing that). Reading a lot of the threads on here have been so helpful to me over the years in getting the confidence to do this.

Give some people an inch and they will take a mile and you then wonder how you got a mile down the road and you're not sure how to get back. They know this. I would wait until next time she asks and reply

I'm not going to be able to do that for you, sorry, minding Emily / doing school runs won't work for us going forward. Hope you get something sorted out.

If there's any come back, just repeat, I'm not going to be able to do that for you, that won't work for us, sorry.

In what way is the child rude? Obviously don’t subject yourself or your child to this. I’m just interested. Had a very similar sitch with a neighbour. My ds who was 10 at the time told me either I tell the kid he’s not getting in our car or he would! So I had to man up. We were alternating lifts but I found out eventually that they were awful to my son when they collected him. So I ended up telling the mother that the arrangement was coming to an end and added “we both know why”. We actually managed to be civil as neighbours afterwards.

Why did you ever agree when the mum is rude? Anyway just say no next time, it's easy.

Have you ever told her mum about her behaviour when handing her back over? And have you let her drop off at 7.30? (you said she wants to but I'm not clear if she has been)

She's being a cheeky fucker, but if you've never let on that it's not working well for you she may think all is fine and maybe even that her dd and yours play and entertain each other while you do whatever you need to do. You need to stop it either way it's just the extra context would alter how I'd approach it!

As someone else has patiently explained - and you would have seen if you’d read the thread rather jumping in to put the boot in - many people, girls particularly, do not grow up in an environment that supports the option to say no.

if you have grown up in a environment where you lack agency and the right to say no (as I did) or were constantly told to subjugate your own needs it is incredibly hard to learn to assert yourself and self doubt and worry can kick in over what might seem to others like the most trivial of matters.

count yourself lucky you don’t understand that

I wouldn't even say "due to a change in circumstances" - just "Hi, sorry, I won't be able to take Child to school and back from now on" - and then block, because she'll be nasty to you.

I don't understand those posts mocking the OP for finding this difficult to deal with. A lot of us were brought up to people pleasers, I was one of them....there were real consequences for me showing 'defiance' or having the audacity to be angry.

I had to learn the skills to deal with this kind of situation from the bottom up, it was hard at first. OP it can be helpful to work out beforehand what you will say and tell yourself you are not going to let this woman talk you down. Just broken record 'no' on repeat. You can use the suggestions on this thread, though personally I would suggest not using the word 'sorry' as you have done nothing wrong & have nothing to apologise for.

"No can't take Susan to school or pick her up anymore. You'll need to find someone else."

She becomes rude and asks why "your daughter has been very rude and upsets mine, I'm not dealing with that behaviour anymore."

Perfect!

There are some very good options for ending this ‘arrangement’. Please tell us when you’ve texted to say you’ve taken the first step. It might feel difficult at first but it is the best thing you can do for your daughter.

"Hey Susan, just letting you know I won't be doing school runs for Abigail anymore so you'll need to sort something else out for when you need help. She doesn't behave herself and it's upsetting my daughter."

Perhaps give mum some warning that if things don't improve then you will be stopping this service.
Maybe next week make a note of every incident of rudeness and let mum know about them every day.
Then on Friday say you are finding the rudeness too much and you need to put your own child first. That you will be happy to continue this service, but only if there are no more incidents of poor behaviour or rudeness. That any further incidents will mean you no longer take her daughter to or from school.
Be firm and clear, but give mum some notice and a chance to change.

She probably wont even notice the other child anyway. She will be too busy looking for her next victim to even think of you anymore.

I like that saying that I see on here sometimes "you don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm". Wish I had heard it years ago.

Get Susan told she is a CF of epic proportions.
Let her go and find someone else to bully. Because thats what she is.
You will feel better for it. Maybe think of this a like in the sand so that you can stop people pleasing. It’s not a criticism I only stopped when the menopause seemed to give me an ever dose of not giving a shit about helping others who take it for granted.
It is also important for your child to know you won’t be pushed around and so she doesn’t have to be.

This type of person would just leave their kid on the doorstep.

Yes, if zop doesn't nip this in the bud now she will likely end up looking after child during school holidays or something as well.

I do understand and used to struggle to say no. Saying no to someone I'm not friends with via text is something I thought most people would find relatively easy.

Congratulations, you've certainly learnt to speak your mind and for others too. Good for you. That's great.

"Hey Susan, just a quick message to let you know, a change in circumstances means I'm not going to be able do drop offs or pick ups with Tabitha anymore"
This is perfect

Never excuse , never explain

If she comes back to you , just repeat
I’m unable to do pick ups or drop offs anymore

Do it now , get it over with

“Sorry X, change of plans & I won’t be able to take/ collect Y to/from school from next week. Life, eh?! “

Just letting you know now so you can make alternative arrangements taking xxxx to or from xxxx no longer works for me.

Tell the mum you are not doing it any more because her child is a rude brat. Then block.

I bet she never offered a contribution toward petrol costs either.

I was a people pleasing doormat until l got to about 42/43 and something like this would have had me wirrying so much. But now l genuinely couldn't give one if people don't like me - op you don't need to be rude but a text to say you can't help any more is perfectly adequate

Wait until she asks and say you've no room in your car. She can't argue with that.