AIBU to stop school runs for a rude and upsetting child?

[Helpneeded2026]

Hi, I need help please! A school mum keeps asking me to take her little girl to school and pick her up and it’s constant! She even wants to drop her daughter to my house at 7:30am. The thing is this child is so loud and so rude to not only me but my daughter to, it really upsets my child and she cries when she knows we have to drop her off and pick her up from school. How do I tell the mum I no longer want to drop her off and pick her up? Do I send a message in advance or wait till she asks me? Just to add also the mum is rude herself and not sure how she will respond. The other problem is I sometimes help another mum but only for pick ups but her child is so lovely and gets along with my daughter so well.

No, I don't want to do that.
No explanation. It's important NOT to explain, you don't need any reason, any justification.
If the parent is unreasonable and brings up the other child, only then directly, clearly tell her that her child is a horrible and unpleasant to spend time with, and to stop harassing you.

You’ll have to mirror her rudeness, and be rude back and say no, you can’t do it. Don’t explain, don’t feel bad, just say no. She can’t sue you, she might think you’re rude.. so what, she is rude and you no longer have to speak to her.. which is a win.

She’s not even a friend! Just communicate with her! Just letting you know in advance, I won’t be able to take/collect little Bertha from Monday.
There you go.

Just say, sorry, I can't do the drop offs and pick ups anymore. You don’t have to explain why. If she really pushes for it, just say things have changed then leave it there.

I took my friend's 2 boys home a couple of times and it was so horribly stressful. Never again. I feel bad as she occasionally helps me out but our children are very different.

Of course yabu you should definetly keep doing them and keep making yourself and your child miserable. A random person is way more important then your childs happiness. I always put my kids feelings last everyone else matters more and i want my kids to understand they come second in my life 🙄

This a 100 times over

You defend your child - if another adult is upset - oh well - your child comes first!!

Why do people struggle so much with simple honesty? Just tell her OP - your child is rude and upsets my child, and that's why this arrangement will not continue. So she takes offense, so what? It's not as if you want to keep her or her child in your friendship network.

STTE. YANBU you don't owe her free childcare and I sure as fuck wouldn't be prioritising her or her child over my own child's feelings.

This.

It's easy to say don't reply or block, but they will run into each other picking up and dropping off or at school things. And if this woman is a bit of a bully there will likely be a difficult conversation at some point. Sorry I really can't commit to that anymore it makes thigs too complicated, etc. I wouldn't say her daughter is too difficult or the children don't like each other as that could provoke all sorts of trouble. But basically just keep saying no.

You just say no you can’t do it .You do not have to explain why just no .You are saving her fortunes in childminding fees .

You dont do anything you just dont answer the door end of

It can be hard to stand up to steamroller types if you have been brought up as a people-pleaser. A text message is easier than a call. "Hi Steamroller, from x date you will need to make other arrangements for Rudekid to get to school - it no longer works for us. Regards, OP". Then broken record if there is pushback, or just ignore.

Some people just cannot take no for an answer but you can't let them win.

I would just be direct and let her know she will have to make alternative arrangements because of her DD's behaviour. Wouldn't care if she was rude about it either.

You just say sorry I’m not able to help in the mornings any more.
why not?
it doesn’t work for me any more
what am I supposed to do?
I’m sure you can find a solution
I am relying on you
well you will need to find another solution
this is really inconvenient for me
Well There We Are Then (TWAT)- taken from another thread!

If she’s rude, just be polite.
you might feel uncomfortable in the conversation but you can tolerate that. If she continues to be rude, just ignore.

have you told the child off for being rude . If so and it continues then tell the mother she isn’t welcome anymore as she’s rude to you .

Loads of good advice for you here. As a previous poster has mentioned, it can be hard for those of us who have been brought up as people-pleasers to handle steam rollers. I managed to get there eventually but you should know it will feel very alien to send that text and there might be frostiness from the steam-roller but you will survive it and your future self will feel much more at ease!

I can never get my head around people being put in these situations, if it doesn’t work for you just message the mum and tell her you are no longer able to do drop offs, you owe her no explanation but if she pushes tell her the truth and say her daughter is rude and you feel pressured into helping. Be firm and stick to your guns.

Agree with this.

Send a brief message to confirm you can't do drops offs anymore. No point mentioning rude brat or she'll try and convince you thats she's told child to behave.

I’d just say especially re 7.30am drop offs that your mornings are hectic enough as it is so you’re sorry (but not sorry) that you can’t mind brat child anymore.

This! Mumsnet seems to have a high proportion of people who can't say no. Mind blowing.

Well, if someone found it easy to say no, they wouldn't be looking for help on here. They'd just say it.

Put your daughter first - why are you doing it when it makes her cry?!
If the mum is rude, it doesn't matter if she's not happy with it, you're not friends.
Tell her you can't, if she pushes for why - because she's rude and upsets your kid.

You allow your child to be upset in her own home because this bully woman and her child are forcing their way into your home and car?

Are you quite mad.

Text her that it no longer suits you to give lifts to her child. That's it.
Then block her completely.

If she comes near your door tell her to leave.
THEN contact the school and report the mother and child to the safe guarding lead.

This is not normal and not your responsibility if she doesn't accept your text.

So what if you help someone else?
This is none of her business.
You do not owe anyone childcare or lifts.

Involve safeguarding if she will not stop harassment of you for childcare.