AIBU to stop school runs for a rude and upsetting child?

[Helpneeded2026]

Hi, I need help please! A school mum keeps asking me to take her little girl to school and pick her up and it’s constant! She even wants to drop her daughter to my house at 7:30am. The thing is this child is so loud and so rude to not only me but my daughter to, it really upsets my child and she cries when she knows we have to drop her off and pick her up from school. How do I tell the mum I no longer want to drop her off and pick her up? Do I send a message in advance or wait till she asks me? Just to add also the mum is rude herself and not sure how she will respond. The other problem is I sometimes help another mum but only for pick ups but her child is so lovely and gets along with my daughter so well.

This.

I like the word "won't". It's stronger than "can't". it carries the implication that you're not making excuses for your decision, and it also has the implication of a final decision, and that you are not open to negotiation or wheedling.

Stand up for your child!!
Say no. And stick to it.

If only life was that simple!

I bet the kid is vile because her mother is… Don’t give her excuses. Just say no when she messages. If she tries dropping her off tell her that you’re not taking her anymore. End of.

it really is.

OP, I wouldn't contact her in advance unless she has a tendency to turn up at your door to ask. I would just say "Sorry, not today" next time she asks, and each time after.

It really is that simple.

If you see her face to face in other circumstances then it may be worth practicing some conversations with a friend where you just say that it doesn't work for you; that it makes the walk unpleasant; that getting her child to school is her problem, not yours; etc. and, if just in case she won't let it drop, something along the lines of "You really need to stop asking if you don't want to hear some home truths about your daughter's behaviour. I won't be taking her."

Generally speaking, the more you say no, the easier it becomes.

"im so sorry but I won't be able to continue taking your child as it's making my daughter rather upset and it's creating a lot of stress for me in the mornings. Thank you for your understand ing

@Helpneeded2026
Tell her face to face also write a note for confirmation that the lifts won't ever happen again
If she says anything about the other girl you sometimes take say well,
She was raised with manners, understands boundaries and doesn't shout all the time. Get it?

I would message in advance and say that you are no longer able to do any school drop offs or pick ups from now on. I would go into detail or give reasons. If she asks, just reiterate that it doesn't work for you anymore. It doesn't, does it? You don't owe her this favour and she does not sound grateful. You don't sound like you are friends or you want to be. Be clear, neutral and don't feel you need to justify or apologise. Just keep reiterating that it doesn't work for you. You sound like you have been incredibly kind and patient, but your home should be a safe space for your child. Another child/person who makes her feel upset should not be invited in. You won't regret putting a stop to this. And don't feel guilty. You're doing what is right for your child.

This must be difficult OP, as you’ve potentially got X amount of years seeing/dealing with this school Mum/Daughter scenario!

I would possibly message the following:-

Hi Rude, hope you’re having a great weekend. Just wanted to let you know, ahead of time, that I won’t be able to help with any school runs going forward. We’ve got a few changes to our routine and need to keep things manageable for us. Wanted to let you know in advance so that you can find alternative arrangements. Thanks for understanding.

If she pushes back reply with:-

It’s just something I’ve decided I can’t continue with as I need to prioritise what works for me and my daughter, so I won’t be able to do anymore pick ups/drop offs.

@Helpneeded2026 So you're subjecting your crying child to this child's awful behaviour because you're afraid to say no? Grow a backbone asap. I was a sahm and I always helped people out but not if a child was badly behaved/not nice to my children.

I think a plain 'no, I won't be taking your child to school as it no longer works for me' is enough. Whatever she says after that just 'no' on repeat. Anything else - invented excuses or the real reason that the child is rude & upsetting your own child - just gives the woman more to argue against & be antagonised by, and make it harder for the OP to deal with.

I’m ’baffled’ at all of the people who are ‘baffled’ that not every human thinks and acts the same.

OP - absolutely do say you can no longer off the lifts. No apologising.

She’ll push - ‘personal reasons’ is a great response. Perhaps if (like me) you really would feel the need to supply more information then I’d say that my DC struggle enough with their before and after school routine and adding in another child is making it a lot harder for you all.

Ah wish I’d seen this before I posted. This is perfect!

Tell her no more childcare. Put your poor daughter first.

No.

She's taking advantage of you and you're letting her. Your daughter isn't happy either it so support your mental health and your daughter by telling her you won't be doing anymore dropoffs or ickups. The asking if she could drop her at your place early should have clued you in she's pushy and wants more.

You’re genuinely baffled? That some people aren’t always sure how to handle an awkward situation? That they might not be able to find the right words, wanting to avoid any further debate?

You seem to have no trouble finding the wrong words, on the other hand. What a nasty post.

Great! This worked for you! Don’t tell someone to grow a backbone, how the fuck does that help!

Just say "Do not drop your DD off at mine as I will not be taking her". If she asks why, just say "Because I dont want to".

My God, sometimes I'm so glad I'm Eastern European.

I understand it's difficult.All those saying you are grown woman, how can you.not say no don't understand you're probably a people pleaser and find it hard to say no to people.
This is you chance to stop doing that.
If the rude mother persists, just keep repeating that you're unable to do it,don't feel bad for the rude mother.
Keep telling yourself, you are upsetting your daughter and you don't owe this woman anything

So many post recently similar to this one.

What is it with these "the world owes me a living, and you're going to do as I ask and think yourself lucky I chose you" type of people.

You owe them nothing OPer and if they get narky so be it, she'll soon find another victim to do her running around, who inturn will be where you are now.

Just message and say it no longer suits you, if she pushes back tell her why, if that's not a good enough answer tell her she's also rude and to remind her exactly who's been the one needing the favour and who's been providing it.

If you read the post it says the mum drops her child off at 7.30am im sure she wont dump her child at a house without the door being opened!

Sorry I can't help out on the school run anymore.
Simples.

Tell her that you can no longer take her child to and from school as it doesn't work for you. She will not like you for it but it isn't really any great loss.

Tell her straight. Her childs behaviour is upsetting your child, so you will no longer be prepared to do school runs for her. It may not seem nice but she needs to know the truth about her child, some parents are oblivious to their childs bad behaviour when not around. If you say something like change of circumstances but are seen to be still doing it for other parents it may bring awkwrd questions about why you won't do it for her.