We want different things from his inheritance AIBU

[NotSureAboutThiss]

DH and I have been together 20yrs+ with DC. Joint finances. He has received an inheritance that he wants to use to take early retirement. I don’t want to retire yet so will continue to work through choice. I would rather save the money for kids uni fees / help with house deposit and he continues to work. He thinks I ABU. What do you think? There isn’t really enough to do both so no compromise that I can see. His argument is that we have (small) savings already for the kids.

I don’t think it’s good to retire at 55. Won’t your min just rot and you’d have not structure! I want to work until 65 at least, and it wouldn’t do me good retiring early.

Could he get a different PT job he enjoyed and use some of the inheritance to top it up as needed?

Well, no, because she just wants to swipe HIS money and hand it to their children. And she'll let him know when she's decided he can retire 😆

I’m completely on your side. I read on one of your comments that you have saved for the kids in JISAs, so that money is earmarked for the kids. What happens if your financial situation changes - I.e. you are made redundant or changes in health mean you can no longer work? Do your current savings allow for this? It isn’t even a case of ‘I want him to carry on working and save more money for the kids’, but considering your financial stability for the future if something unfortunate were to happen?

Well, no, because she's using this thread to sort out her thinking, with a view to discussing the situation with her dh.

It's ridiculous to share finances for over 20 years, then keep one party out of a major decision.

What if dh had been made redundant or became too ill to work? He'd sure as hell want her to be involved in financial decisions then.

She’d probably want to give his redundancy package to the kids.

Is £200k the actual amount? If so, it's not enough to retire 10 years earlier than planned, in my opinion. He will need to put at least £50k into his pensions or other funds to get them to anything like the amount planned at 60. This leaves £150k which, at £20k pa at 5% growth and 3% uplift, will last less than 9 years.

Oh well, it's his money and he doesn't fancy handing it over to his kids. If she's legally entitled to any of his inheritance she can give it away if she likes.

Hope he enjoys his retirement :)

I voted NBU especially with children, if no children then fine, retire as early as you can.

My DH took early retirement at 59 a year ago and it's been quite annoying as it's unbelievable how little he can achieve in a day. I am 3 years younger and shall be continuing for a few more years until the children leave full time education. He is funding it from pensions and selling gold but is finding he is spending far more than he budgeted for (and I refuse to pick up any slack). The positives are he is around for appointments/running the children places but he isn't exactly less grumpy with them tbh.

I think 55 is too young and would also want the money to go to the children.

I think this is a big risk. Plus the lack of pension contributions/effect it might have on his work pension scheme.

He needs to check all of this and get some financial advice.

I think there's a middle ground. It is easier to get a job from a job so could he look for new opportunities with a more flexible employer? Drop a day, condense hours etc or find one on a better shift rotation.

Even if it doesn't earn at his current rate.

If he jumps too soon he could find it very hard yo get back on and then you'll be stuck working longer to support you all. And what if you get made redundant? It's presumably part of the reason you've spread the load and risk until now.

A change of pace and more time off - absolutely. Taking a massive leap of faith - too big a risk.

I don’t think either of you is wrong. It is just that even with marriage and joint finances, inheritance is excluded from that so it’s not your decision. It is his decision what to do with his inheritance. You can give your opinion, but you don’t really get to decide what to do with his inheritance. The same applies if/when you get an inheritance.

How much is it may I ask? It might not last as long as expected

I am bristling at the concept of you saying you 'want different things from HIS inheritance' and I don't think he is obliged to earmark it all for the children.

That said, it is a dangerous financial strategy to give up work entirely at 55 and work through a pot of cash. Is it enough money you could live off the interest? if it's capital he's burning through, I think that is crazy. If he were talking about a mix of living off interest and part-time work, I guess I would feel a bit differently, that is not as risky as he at least as a foot in the job market.

I get that it's grim to think about working another 10 or 15 years but you could impoverish yourself, forget about leaving anything to anyone.

People going on about how DH should do this, that and the next thing to ensure his money is worth all it can be and he can't retire on (x amount) yet anyway seem to have entirely missed the point.

OP doesn't want him to have it AT ALL. Her entire plan is to swipe it from under him and hand it off to their kids 😆

Jesus, it's not often I feel sorry for men tbh, but NO you cannot spend your money on yourself you selfish man, get back to the job you despise and earn more money for your children. I will invest it for them and instruct you when you get to retire. Sounds of whip cracking.

It's desperately sad and genuinely funny at the same time. Poor fucker.

There are a lot of countries where retirement is far cheaper, he could find one of them and relax and live well on his inheritance plus half of everything else they jointly own.

You don’t need to pay kids uni fees , they get loans. You want him to spend the next 10 years working , while he doesn’t need to? What if something happens to him , ill health etc . You are taking a long , healthy , fulfilling retirement for granted , it may not happen .

I genuinely don't know anyone who supports their children at Uni by more than £100 here and there.

All students work in the summer to save the buffer and student loans take care of the rest.

Same when I was at uni. All parents fairly well off.

Mine are young and of course i would help them out if they needed it but I'm not going to offer it up front!

Most of our friends are paying accommodation, some are funding everything. Most of DS's friends have funding from parents, again, mainly accommodation paid. I don't know many who are totally on their own.

The expectation is that you contribute thousands, and the opportunities for young people to earn thousands aren't there, so you may need to re-think your plans.

🥴 I’m reading the comments I didn’t read before (from others who are making excellent points about the OPs audacity) and getting wound up again 😩😂

I am trying to see the other side, and I concede that some people have made good points about how the husband should probably be more sensible to wait a while, but the OP is just so unreasonable.

You are being VERY unreasonable OP!!

@NotSureAboutThiss Why can't you do both? Your DH can retire with his inheritance (which is his inheritance) and you carry on working as it sounds like that's what you want to do. Am I missing something?

She wants to squeeze more money out of him. Her plan is to take away his inheritance, hand it to their kids, and he's to continue working at a job he hates till she thinks it's ok for him to stop.

I don't feel angry like you, though I get it. I just feel absolutely flabbergasted and genuinely amused at her audacity.

It’s his inheritance not yours

@NotSureAboutThiss I would rather save the money for kids uni fees / help with house deposit and he continues to work.

For a good minute, I thought you were talking about you and your husband's house deposit, then I realised you were talking about the children. That's mind boggling - it would be normal for all people to save for their own house deposits, not use mummy and daddy's money.

I think he should be able to do what he wants with his own money.

Yes this!

From the title all the way to ‘I want to save it for our children’ to ‘I’ll see if I can get him to go part time’ to (and this is my personal favourite) ‘I need to see a financial advisor’ - erm no you don’t as IT’S NOT YOUR MONEY OP.

The entitlement is breathtaking.

Oh Good God. If that's the case DH should guard his inheritance with his life.