Neighbour asking me to take her to hospital appointments

[BecauseNothing]

A neighbour has asked me to drive her to, stay with her and bring her home from 2 upcoming hospital appointments. The first is in 4 weeks time and the second the week after. I have said I can’t because I’m working and she has asked if I can book the time off. I haven’t replied but this seems cheeky to me after I’d said no. AIBU? I need my annual leave for things with my own family. She has people who visit her who I presume are family and friends but apparently has no one to go with her. I work full time at home and have children so with everything that comes with that I’m busy.

Yep.

I knew before I'd finished your post that you'd be WFH. People don't see it as a real job. They think you can drop everything and do what you want, when you want. CFs.

I think it is cheeky.
Some older people find it preferably to impose on others, rather than their own children and family as they are "very busy" or "have very important jobs".

I have personal experience of this with some neighbours that have several children, but who attempted to reign in me to do jobs for them, despite my being busy with my family.

We too had a polite friendly waving relationship only for several years prior to this.

I was not impressed and was politely firm that we too were very busy, and they needed to ask their various local children to do errands and cut their grass🙄, or pay someone to do it.

I absolutely thought it was CF behaviour.

It’s not about being a hero
How would you get the time off work?
What if you have to do it over childcare hours

One of our friends was mortified because he got stopped on the way out of his mum’s house, after a visit, by a neighbour who said that she was asking too much from them - shopping.

He didn’t know she was asking anything but apparently she’s just been phoning up and saying can you go to the shops for me? And yes, she uses the Internet and can order and so on.

And she is perfectly capable of going to the hospital for herself has the money for taxis and is still able to do things like mow her own lawn. I don’t know why she’s doing it. He was quite upset really. He tried to get her to make friends ages ago but she’s widowed now and both she and her husband just lived in a bubble of the two of them.

She is a capable woman with family and friends and a month to sort it out for herself.

She shouldn't have asked you a second time.

Only the last one might be possible if the hospital is insisting she has someone with her. For example, after a dental thing I wasn't allowed to take public transport and was only allowed to take a taxi if someone was with me and that person had to stay at the hospital the whole time.

DP works for himself, from home. He has flexibility in terms of when he can things, the flip side is that he often works in the evening or at weekends. My mother acts as though he sits around with his feet up whilst I work in a "proper job" when that is very far from the truth!

I offered to accompany my mum to hospital appointments because her worries about her health and the proposed treatment meant she didn't take in the information properly and failed to ask pertinent questions.

An acquaintance asked me once. If you don't have close friends and family you can ask sometimes there's no choice - I didn't know about the volunteer scheme someone mentioned above.

She was rather rude and cheeky to push the issue again after you had already said no due to work.

She sounds very capable of either checking whether she is eligible for hospital transport and actually booking it, or booking herself a proper taxi.

I would say to her that she should use hospital transport - say that you don't know how you get it, but it is a thing that exists.

I have friend like this. You need boundaries, otherwise you'll be her (unpaid) personal assistant soon (talking from my own experience).
It will start like this and soon you'll be responsible for everything.

I don’t think anyone has a problem with her asking the issue is pushing it isn’t it? And it sounds like she has other people she could ask.

‘Doing what I can to help’ is taking a parcel in or moving her bins. My husband and I both buy 5 days of annual leave, which costs us thousands per year, to cover our families needs for days off.

I know she can use the internet well due to conversations that we have had. She has booked train tickets, theatre/cinema tickets etc. She is more than capable of googling alternative transport options and doesn’t need help finding them. I do not want to be roped into doing more things for her which could become regular because I don’t have much time.

How about some empathy for me. I work full time, have children, help my parents and aunt out, and god forbid I might have some time for myself. I’m busy. I don’t expect anyone to care, life is hard and busy, but it is funny when posters like you try to guilt trip me and have all this empathy for someone else, but none for me.

YABU, I'm taking an uber to my appointment next week because I'm not sure whether the new car park will be available, so its less stress on me just to get dropped off. I can have a look at it as well for next time if it is available. It wouldn't occur to me to ask a neighbour, regardless of how well I know them.

You don't need to explain your whole life, holiday entitlement, etc. You CAN'T be expected to drop everything and help someone if this person is not your partner/parent,sibling, etc.
I was literally in situation when I was worse £350/month because I took unpaid leave to help my friend and paid for taxi myself.

DON'T DO IT.

To be fair, this may be because when a WFH thread comes up often it ends up with people saying all the things they do during the day. Supermarket shopping, mowing, put the washing out. Either side of lunch. Fetching children.
So it might well be confusing for someone old to understand.

Absolutely bonkers ! Who are these people ? I wouldn’t ask family to do that - let alone a neighbour !!!

YANBU.
If you cant give her a lift or you just don't want to, then that's up to you.
I probaby would ask her if she wanted help nearer the time booking a taxi but that's just me 🙂

But those people make up their time afterwards, often after dinner.

Sometimes I'm up until 2am getting things done, which people don't see.

Don’t worry OP - the vast majority of pps are agreeing with you!

Theres always one or two people who will jump in with “be kind”’or are very free with other people’s time.

I would have no difficulty saying no to a neighbour in these circumstances, but what I will do is drive 1.5 hours to where my parents live to take them to an appointment if my brother who lives more nearby is away/ can’t do it.

I would just say No sorry ,you need your spare time for your own DC/family.Point her towards hospital transport.If you start doing it now ,she will expect it all the time!

They love to have a dig at Ops on here
Its a form of self medicating their own unhappiness

Just how kind is it digging the boot in to a FT working mother, particularly one who already has to buy AL to cover CC
I have done the bins for my neighbour for 20 years, called an ambulance when she fell but her daughter does hospital visits
I wouldnt want to be that involved
Perfectly reasonable to say you cant take time off to help her

The neighbour can use Google and books her own train tickets and theatre tickets online.

Don't you think she would find it patronising if you offered to help her book a taxi?

But that's just you being kind, I guess.

So you would book AL, take unpaid time off work just to take your neighbour to the hospital. Then have to wait around for god knows how long and drive her home? And also you would have to pay for parking cause ya know, it's your car.

crickets

Equally, wouldn't you trust one of the friends and family who visit you more than a random neighbour?