Neighbour asking me to take her to hospital appointments

[BecauseNothing]

A neighbour has asked me to drive her to, stay with her and bring her home from 2 upcoming hospital appointments. The first is in 4 weeks time and the second the week after. I have said I can’t because I’m working and she has asked if I can book the time off. I haven’t replied but this seems cheeky to me after I’d said no. AIBU? I need my annual leave for things with my own family. She has people who visit her who I presume are family and friends but apparently has no one to go with her. I work full time at home and have children so with everything that comes with that I’m busy.

Some hospitals have patient transport for appointments if people are vulnerable/disabled. Perhaps suggest she ask about that? Don't agree to any appts. You do one trip and she'll expect you to continue.

No, tell her to get a taxi. Or if she has limited mobility she can ask her GP to arrange hospital transport.

Wow. I certainly don't - I manage to put a load of washing on, that's it!

Asking for a favour from a neighbour isnt cheeky, what tips it over into CF territory is when they try to "solve" your reasons for saying no.

So when you say "No I have work" they come back with "Oh but you could book AL" so "Sorry it is all allocated" "Well you could say that it's your appointment, then you could take me" and so on.

Thats when you have to be blunt. My mother is a similar age and she is perfectly capable of booking a taxi, she wouldnt make it her neighbours problem to solve.

Has she been recently widowed? I know relatives of mine who have suddenly needed help for every little thing as their OH did it all and they found themselves unable to do the simplest of things on their own.

I think it’s cheeky to ask you to take time off, and ask you twice as well She needs to contact the hospital to arrange patient transport, or get a taxi.

You’ve done nothing wrong in refusing the offer.

That’s what I’m thinking. She’d rather inconvenience a neighbour than family and close friends. Some people are like that.

Oh yes, it won't stop

She has replied to say she’ll have to ask her children if they can go with her but she doesn’t know if they’ll be able to because of their work. 🤯

GPs don’t arrange your transport!

You and others saying that were right. The bloody cheek of asking me before her own family. We have our own parents and other older relatives to help out.

In the grand scheme of things this really isn’t worth getting uptight it upset about. Tell her that you can’t help her with a hospital visit and move on.

Not that desperate clearly since she hadn't even asked her own kids. Nope, she's just a cheeky fucker who thinks the OP exists for her convenience and whose time is clearly not as valuable as her precious children's!

Asking someone you don't really know to book leave so you can take them to hospital sounds like unusual behaviour . I would say no (as it's not practical over a longer term) but maybe try asking her politely who normally takes her in an attempt to find out who could or should be supporting her ? She may be vulnerable as this does not sound like a normal request to make - she may losing insight ? Could you try to speak to anyone you see entering her house ?

That reply was for the poster who's had her comment deleted.

With such a busy work life, a husband, 3 children, helping out our elderly relatives and caring for our pets, you’re right, I don’t have much time to think of much else. How fortunate for you if you do. 😇

Tbh OP I couldn't leave that be now. I'd have to reply challenging her on why she thinks your time is less valuable than her children's. This would be the end of any amicable neighbourly relationship

There’s a lot of ignorance in the replies here. Hospital transport in most areas has been drastically cut and is only available to those who meet very strict criteria. In my area, that means being ‘physically unable to travel by any other means’. Being a wheelchair user does not qualify.

We have a dial a ride type service but that requires bookings 3wks ahead and only confirms whether transport is available or not the day before. I tried to use it once but the day before my appointment, they said they were too busy. I ended up being chucked off the hospital waiting list because it was too short notice to reschedule (they require 48hrs).

For all those saying ‘She can just get a taxi’, for me that would be £170 return. Might as well be a million. Not everyone lives close to the hospital. My nearest bus stop is 8 miles away but that bus only runs twice a week so not very practical. There are lots of people missing out on healthcare due to this but the general public prefer to believe there must be some service available. There isn’t in many areas.

OP, you’re not obliged to help at all and your annual leave is for you and your family, not your neighbour but don’t assume that there’s always other options available to people like her. If she’s near 80, she’s from the generation who helped neighbours and looked out for each other more than we do today so I wouldn’t assume she was being cheeky. It probably wasn’t that unusual in her day.

"They can just take annual leave, can't they?" 😇

She hadn’t even asked her own children.

At the end of the day, I have a busy life, with caring responsibilities for my own children and older relatives. I can’t magic up more time.

I am not the answer to my neighbours problem and I don’t have all the answers for any one so alone that they don’t have options, although my neighbour does seem to have options!

Not your problem. Her children can book annual leave to take her!

Depending on the circumstances, I would likely do this.

Edited to add : just seen your update, no I wouldn’t do this, she has children. If it was someone with no family or friends whatsoever then I would.

GPs don't arrange hospital transport but they do make the referral for it. My mum got it for her hospital appointments.

Many do yes. My DM spent a lifetime refusing to drive, despite having a licence. Once my DF died, she thought absolutely nothing of calling up family members who she hadn’t bothered with in years, asking them to drive one hour to her house, another hour to the hospital, an hour back, and another hour from her house to their house again. When I pointed out that she could just pay for a taxi, which would take one hour, instead of expecting someone else to take four hours driving that day + the time spent at the hospital, she looked at me like I was being unreasonable bringing it up.

She got much worse as she aged. I once had my decorator go over to do her lounge. She’d never met him before. The following week I discovered that the district nurse team called into her house whilst he was there painting one day, and told her she needed blood tests at the hospital. Without so much as a breath, she said, “you’ll take me won’t you” to the decorator, who was so stunned at her cheek, he found himself nodding. She even complained when he turned up 5 minutes late to take her. When I asked him why he agreed, he said that she was forceful in the way she spoke, and he felt he had no option.

She got much much worse over the years.