Daughter’s boyfriend STINKS.

[canyounotplease]

My DD is 19, her BF is 20. He’s a nice enough guy, however me and my husband are having some issues with his hygiene. The main issue is that he works in a kitchen, and when he comes to see DD, he does so straight after work without showering. When I say he stinks of BO, I’m not just talking about when you get close to him, her room stinks to high heaven and it sinks into any room or furniture he’s been on. We have a weekly cleaner who went into her room after he’d been over and was absolutely shocked by how much it smells - she ended up changing the sheets and using carpet cleaner and other sprays to get rid of it.

Another time, my husband went upstairs and exclaimed, ‘it fucking stinks’, to which point the boyfriend laughed and said it was him. Husband then told him to have a shower which he did do, but this doesn’t seem to have embarrassed him enough and he continues to come over stinking.

My DD is incredibly neat and clean so I am shocked she tolerates it. We’ve mentioned it to her and she just shrugs her shoulders and says he comes straight from work.

Other minor issues are constantly leaving the toilet seat up, not washing hands after using the toilet and leaving dirty pots lying around where ever he’s been. There’s no thought to put it in the sink or dishwasher. We could live with that though, it’s the smell that is repulsive.

I don’t understand how his parents haven’t said anything and I’m not sure how we deal with this issue without completely alienating DD and her boyfriend?

That really strong smell of BO doesn't come from one shift if you've showered the night before and put on clean clothes. Clean sweat is different, especially with some deodorant.

He's probably not wearing anti perspirant deodarent, some people genuinely don't realise you need to put it on after every shower/every morning before work. I had to tell my husband when I moved in with him, he thought you only wore it if you were going out somewhere fancy 😭

I’d be telling my daughter to tell him he isn’t welcome because he stinks. End of

You will be doing him and her a favour by telling him about it. I don't buy the kitchen excuse, I think he has dirty clothes.

"factual statement"

"okay then, convinced"

Man City will be along soon to hire them into their legal team

Are you sure it’s not ‘The Devil’s Lettuce’?
That can smell quite similar.

He’s a guest in YOUR house, not your daughter’s house.

It’s therefore on you to tell them, both of them together, that whilst he’s very welcome, his intolerable BO isn’t, and it’s now gone beyond a joke. Then say ……and while we are laying down this new house rule that you shower before you arrive, we also insist that you improve your personal hygiene and your guest etiquette in our home please. That is, you wash your hands thoroughly after using the toilet and you never leave dirty pots lying around waiting for the commis to pick them up. You pick them up, wash them properly and put them away.
Be very clear OP.
Tell him you don’t want to have to mention this again and ask him if he understands.

He sounds gross... and not washing his hands after using the toilet on top of it? He's a fucking chef! He should know better!

This sounds like a control thing from the Sixties. Where really arrogant , middle class hippy types thought it cool not to wash and stink your place out.

Oh, l'm just being totally free and natural man

Like who cares. Yeah.

And l certainly wouldn't eat a meal at the restaurant he works at. Might even be tempted to report them to Health and Safety.

What a dirty, horrible beast he is.

Might not be much he can do about it. Some people just stink... a lot of people work physical/dirty jobs and don't stink at the end of it.

Not sure how you fight this other than ban him from your house lol

I would definitely tell him to shower and change clothes before he visits. Even having a shower at your house if he puts dirty clothes back on it's defeating the object. If he knows he stinks then he's not got much respect for your daughter or you/your home. Id also be saying I'll never eat where you work you don't wash your hands after you've been to the toilet, I'm surprised you can keep a job. Offend him or not I'd have to speak up.

He's a grown adult not a 13 year old

He doesn't respect your daughter. Or you. Any decent young lad would be desperate to make himself smell/appear/come across nice to all of you. This joker doesn't. It's only going to go one way.

I’m having secondhand embarrassment for your daughter. Do they go out, meet friends etc., surely other people must notice. Perhaps some encouragement to your daughter to raise her standards might be in order. I shudder to think of them getting married and raising kids to be just as grotty.

The thought of him working in a kitchen and not washing his hands after the loo is disgusting. My teen son has a part time job working in a restaurant at the weekends, and he will change his clothes before leaving work and then has a shower as soon as he comes home. He doesn’t smell and definitely not of BO ever, but he says he can smell the food on him especially if he has cooked fish so gets straight in the shower.

When a couple is physically compatible, they like the smell of each other even when sweaty which might explain why it doesn't bother your daughter.

Just lay down some ground rules for them both: if he comes after work he must shower before arrival or immediately on arrival, wash hands, tidy up after himself and open a window. Or he's not welcome.

Disgusting

This is ridiculous, we have run pubs, clubs, restaurants and hotels for over 20years. (Ex) wife(and we get on extremely well even today!) is GM for 7 hotels and restaurants and nobody smells like this - this is just disgusting and kitchen work is just an excuse

I feel like this is such an easy solution, just stop having him over.

If your daughter has a problem with it, literally give your daughter the ultimatum that if this is the type of person she wants to be with then to find her own place and have him impact her household as opposed to yours.

i think sometimes parents need to have boundaries when their adult children start having serious relationships. Bc at 19 she might not have the confidence to tell him that he needs to shower or that she doesn’t want him to come over. It might be that he has no boundaries and isn’t listening to her, and she can’t stop him. So having a parent step in to make the decision for her, might be beneficial?

I feel I’m stating the obvious too but like it can’t be pleasant for her if they’re being intimate etc, that would be an instant ick.

Just ban the little stink bug with the vile personal habits from the house. You should not have to abandon your dignity to conduct smell checks at the door. And I would be shameless in telling this man to his face. Perhaps your daughter will come to her senses when she has to visit him in his own fetid environment.

Do you think they are in a sexual relationship ?

There was a very graphic meme going around recently depicting oral sex and lack of hygiene of the recipient … it certainly gave me the ick factor but your post has perhaps highlighted a need to “have that chat” with your DD.

she certainly needs to lift her standards…

You can report him to his workplace. How can he works in the kitchen and not wash hands after using the toilet??? He must does that at work too. Who would want to have such a pig in the kitchen and eat food from his dirty fingers???

Present him with the bill for the cleaner. Failing this, just don't let him in, it's your house and he is disrespecting it and you, whilst laughing in your faces.

How do you know he doesn’t wash hands after using toilet ? Are you spying on his every move? It’s your home maybe he thinks you should be doing washing up!

I’ve addressed this, after noticing his gross habits I listened out when he went into the bathroom and didn’t hear the taps going on, wouldn’t have felt that was necessary if he wasn’t grotty in other ways.

I don’t think it is ok to leave your dirty plates, cups, beer bottles around the house and not even bother to put them in the sink or dishwasher, I’m not his skivvy.